She rolled her lips into her mouth and then smoothed her napkin across her lap. “I’m going to the cemetery tomorrow. I’ll be out of town next week,” she declared in a flat voice.
I straightened in my chair. “I’ll be there next week. I’ll make sure there are fresh flowers on his grave.”
“You go often,” she said. It wasn’t a question.
I nodded. “His birthday. The holidays. The anniversary of our first date. And…” I left the last one unspoken. The anniversary of his death. Next week. Seven years. Seven years since my heart had followed him into that grave.
Her dark brows twitched together. “What does that work out to be? Every month? More?”
I shrugged. “Something like that.”
She frowned, studying the uneaten food on her plate, picking at it with a fork. “Jenna, we’ve had this talk before,” she said, switching to English.
“I know what you’re going to say.”
“Do you? But you’re still going to ignore it? You’re twenty-five years old. You have your whole life ahead of you. I know he wouldn’t want you living like this.”
“Like what? My life hasn’t ended. I’ve seen other guys.”
“Yes, how is that going with the new one? Douglas, right?”
I grimaced, aware that this would only serve to reinforce her argument. “I broke up with Doug last weekend.”
“Hmm,” she said, her gaze on me sharpening. Heat rose to my cheeks. It was like she and Alex were psychically connected. “Braco wasn’t perfect. You just remember him that way.”
I swallowed, my throat suddenly clogged. Helena watched me as I blinked my tears away. “I know he wasn’t perfect. He was just—”
“Perfect for you, I know. But you were both children. How do you know you wouldn’t have grown apart as you grew up? Jenna…he wouldn’t want you ending your life when his ended. I say this bluntly because I’m talking to a girl who I’ve thought of as my adopted daughter for ten years now.”
I reached over and covered Helena’s hand with mine. “Thank you. I understand what you’re trying to do.”
“Then you must listen to me. Somewhere out there, there is someone for you. This belief you have of one true soulmate…it’s not true. It can’t be.”
I shook my head, unable to give her words credence. “So you don’t think Vuk is your soulmate?”
“No, I don’t. He’s my friend and my lover and my partner, but there is no soulmate.”
“You think you could be just as happy with someone else as you are with him?”
She shrugged. “Maybe even happier. Maybe somewhere out there is a Vuk who doesn’t leave his socks all over the floor or likes to do the dishes once in a while. Or who can dance.” At that, we both laughed.
We turned down dessert when the waiter returned and Helena asked for the bill. As always, I wished I were in a position to offer to pay, vowing that someday I’d take her out to a nice eatery and proudly pay the bill myself.
After driving me back to the apartment, Helena gave me a long hug and called me srce moje, which meant, “my heart.” A name a mother called her child. She held me tight, and when I pulled away, she clamped on tighter.
“For me, Janja, and for him. Fall in love again. You must free yourself before it will even be possible.”
I kissed her cheeks, not allowing my tears to fall until she turned away. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I couldn’t allow it—that it wasn’t only myself I was protecting, but those around me. Too many of my relationships had ended with people being hurt or even killed.
I was a wanderer, never meant to set down roots. I’d been torn from my home soil at the tender age of five and had been drifting ever since. In so many ways, it was my destiny.
Chapter 8
William
It’s Monday morning again, and I’m at my desk working on the three-dimensional rendering—again. Mostly I’m checking the work of artists under me, but I’m also cleaning up details and fine-tuning textures. Many have called it tedious, but I enjoy focusing my attention on minutia.
Especially today. I’ve been unable to think of anything besides Jenna since the moment I kissed her—and she kissed me back.
I spent hours last night thinking about that kiss. I couldn’t sleep. I could only remember the way our mouths fused together, the feeling of her body pressed against mine. Now I try to force that image out of my mind as I adjust my goggles. There are lots of things to do today. Things that don’t involve my fixation on Jenna.
And just like the previous Monday, I’m aware of someone standing at my desk. But unlike Jordan, there is no waiting until I’m done with what I’m working on before he speaks.