“Pictures. Images. Other types of sensory input. But not words. Words came later.” He shrugged, his eyes drifting down to the mat just below my knee.
“Huh…that’s interesting. That’s something you never really think about…the way you process thoughts inside of your brain.”
“It’s something I have to think about. All the time.”
“I think in English when I’m speaking English and in Bosnian when I’m speaking Bosnian. But I don’t have to worry about it. I guess that’s the big advantage NTs have without really knowing they have that advantage.”
He appeared to be concentrating on that spot on the ground while he listened to me. “When you think in the same language you are speaking, you don’t have to translate. But everything comes to me in pictures first. So, for example, when you said filling my shoes, my first reaction was to see you wearing my shoes.” He shook his head, shifting his gaze to my feet. “My shoes wouldn’t fit you. It’s a very funny image.”
I couldn’t help it…I started laughing. William was adorable in spite of the aggravation.
His dark brown eyes moved up my body slowly, stopping just above my chest, and where his gaze touched, my skin warmed. Damn, Jenna…you’re out of control tonight.
“Anyway…” I said, steering the conversation back on course. I willed myself to not think about how much William was intriguing me with each passing minute. “I want to know what went on inside your head while you were fighting the duel. What exactly was it that caused the distress?”
He took a deep breath and then released it. “It was the crowd. I hadn’t counted on that. I knew exactly what I was doing out there. I had a plan and I would have won, but…” He shook his head. “I hadn’t planned on all the faces and the noise.”
“And Doug made it worse once he found out.”
He nodded but didn’t say anything. His hands fidgeted as they rested on his knees.
“So does that mean you don’t do crowds at all? Theaters? Sporting events? Concerts?”
“No.”
“Really? How do you see movies?”
“I wait until they come out on Blu-ray, or I go see them at Adam’s house. He has his own theater.”
“Wow. But what about big movies that you don’t want to wait for? Like what about the new Star Wars movie?”
He shook his head. “I can’t. Even if it’s a movie I really want to see.”
I frowned, wondering what that must be like. “Oh, that’s rough. But maybe going to some places like that and exposing you to larger groups of people would help get you used to it?”
He seemed to think about that and then shook his head as if dreading the thought.
“Okay…well, there are techniques you can use to help calm you down. Visualization, breathing. When I was younger, I had really bad panic attacks. They were usually brought on by loud noises, so I had problems with certain types of movies, too.”
He looked up from the floor, appearing surprised. “You’re afraid of loud noises? Why?”
I hesitated. “Because…when I was little, the city I lived in was bombed pretty much constantly.” His gaze rose slowly from my chin to my nose before it stopped.
“You lived in Sarajevo?”
“Yes. That’s where my family is from. How’d you guess?”
“It wasn’t difficult. You said you spoke Bosnian as your first language. Sarajevo is the capital of Bosnia and Herzegovina, in what used to be Yugoslavia.”
“And you know more about it than ninety percent of Americans.”
“The city was under siege for almost four years. Your family came here to escape that war?”
I sidestepped the small pang that I’d long since grown accustomed to. It was only like a distant shadow in the background now. “Yes—well, only my sister and I. We lived there ‘til I was five, and then we were able to leave to go to Croatia before ultimately coming here with my aunt. But…my parents stayed there. My grandma was sick and elderly, and they didn’t want to leave her. But at the same time, they wanted us kids to be safe so they made a difficult choice.”
William rubbed at the stubble on his jaw and I tracked the motion, noting how square and masculine his features were. His perfect cleft chin was crisscrossed by a prominent scar that made me wonder what it tasted like. I swallowed, barely listening to his words as he continued. “It was a terrible war. I read a lot about it and watched documentaries. I didn’t know that you were from there.”
I nodded. “I was little when I came here. I didn’t speak English, but I was only five so I picked it up fast.”