I sucked in a breath, alarmed at the parallels. And I was devastated that I felt every bit as helpless today as I did then.
This was all my fault. It was true. Be a man and love me, and you’ll end up dead. I really was cursed.
A sob escaped my lips. “I can’t handle this.” My voice was tight, strangled.
Alex’s arm slid tentatively around my shoulders. “Dios mio, you are shaking like it’s twenty below.”
“Please, Alex…I want to go home.”
She was silent as we walked to my tent, then she stood nearby watching as I shoved all my stuff into my bag and cinched up the top, occasionally wiping my face with the back of my hand or my sleeve to dry the tears. But the moment I did it, more trickled down to replace them.
The moment the bag was full, I was ready to go. I tried to suck in another breath, but it wouldn’t come. My chest wouldn’t cooperate…it wouldn’t expand to inhale again.
I doubled over, falling to my knees.
“Jenna!” Alex shrieked, crouching down with me. “Okay, you are really freaking me out, girl.”
I shook my head, sobbing so hard I couldn’t catch my next breath.
“William will be fine!” She rubbed my back. “I’m sure of it. We’ll go to the hospital. You’ll see. Head wounds naturally bleed a lot.”
But I wasn’t listening. I just kept shaking my head, and then I curled in on myself, pressing my cold, wet face to my bag.
“Take me home, please,” I finally managed.
Alex’s eyes widened. No doubt she thought I was insane. Or heartless. Or both. Maybe I was. Maybe I didn’t deserve to be happy. I’d already blown my chance.
I couldn’t do this again. Not for the third time. Fate had spoken.
On shaky legs, I followed her out to her car. I shoved my things in her trunk, and then we wordlessly drove the hour and a half home to Orange County.
My phone chimed repeatedly the entire way.
Mia: Hey, where are you? You okay?
A few minutes later…
Mia: W is asking for you. Are you coming? What do I tell him?
I swallowed hard before turning off the phone. The tears began pooling again and the terror came back with a vengeance. I remembered reaching out and touching Brock’s face at the viewing. His skin felt like ice. Like how I felt inside.
Maybe that was it? Maybe I was dead inside.
Chapter 34
William
“Call her again,” I say to Mia. I can tell there’s something she wants to say but doesn’t.
“I will. I’m just going to give it a few minutes. Lie back, William. They aren’t done.”
I stare up at the holes in the acoustic ceiling. We’ve been in this stupid little room in the ER for hours, and there’s no cell reception in here. Whenever Mia needs to make a phone call, she has to walk outside the hospital in order to do it. We may as well be back in the Middle Ages with our lack of ability to communicate. Worse, actually, because we have no carrier pigeons, either.
I’m starving and my head hurts, but other than that, I’m fine. They’ve already sewed me up and glued me shut. And now all I want is to see Jenna.
“Maybe Alex’s car broke down and Jenna’s phone is out of charge,” I say. “They could be in danger.”
Mia looks across the room at Adam, who rubs his jaw and turns to me. “I’m sure she’s okay.” Then he turns back to Mia. “Maybe you should try texting Alex.”
Mia’s eyes widen, and then she looks at me and jerks her head back at Adam. I have neither the energy nor the desire to figure out what all that means. My head is really hurting.
“Uh, good idea,” she mumbles.
She’s staring at Adam and then looking at the door, then back at Adam again. I close my eyelids and rub my eyeballs through them. Everything hurts, and this stupid hospital gown I’m wearing is itchy and leaves my back completely exposed. I hate hospitals. Hate them.
I open my eyes when both Adam and Mia stand up. “I’ve gotta hit the bathroom,” Adam says.
“I’ll show you where it is. It’s kind of hard to find.” Mia takes his arm and they head to the door.
I frown, recalling that we walked right by a bathroom on the way to this examination room.
“It’s just down the—”
“Be back in a minute, guy,” Adam says, holding the door open for Mia. They’re gone for about five minutes, and then the door opens up again and it’s just Mia.
“Adam’s going to go check in with your Dad and my Mom in the waiting room as soon as he’s done in the bathroom.”
“You could have just texted to tell them I’m all right. I wish I had my phone. I have nothing with me.”