Today was going to be a no shower day. In the past, before the latest and greatest breakup with Red, there had never been a “no shower day”—she took a shower at least once, very often twice a day.
But lately she couldn’t even muster the energy for that. Today she simply put her hair up, put on deodorant and some clean clothes, a little makeup—and done. She didn’t feel sexy or fresh or awake.
Nicole didn’t much care though. Perhaps I’m depressed, she thought. She found she didn’t care too much about that either.
And then it was off to work for the day.
Work had become an altogether different place since Red was fired. The fun had left Jameson International altogether. There was an interim CEO, someone she’d never heard of before, who’d given a twenty minute speech a couple of days ago. He’d talked a bunch about ships travelling rough seas, teamwork, holding strong through the tough times, and on and on.
Nicole had found herself spacing out a few minutes into it and just daydreaming about Red. Their work lunches together, the way he’d looked at her, the hunger in his eyes.
But she knew she wasn’t the only one who missed him. Even Remi had commented on it one day. Remi wasn’t the type to get all soft and nostalgic about anyone or anything, but she turned to Nicole randomly and said, “I put my resume up online yesterday. I just can’t see myself working here in six months. All the life has gone out of this place.”
Nicole had simply nodded, because if she’d spoken, she might have started to cry, and the last thing she needed was to be seen sobbing in her cubicle.
A mental breakdown at her job? No thanks.
Today, she had a busy day, thankfully. Edward was using her as his all-purpose assistant, which meant accompanying him to his meetings, taking notes, getting his schedule straightened out, and going over the reorganized files on the network.
Being busy was good. Being busy was the only was Nicole stayed sane anymore.
Still, in those brief downtimes, the quiet moments, no matter how short they were in duration—she instantly wondered where Red was and what he was doing right now.
And of course, the most clichéd line of all: Does he miss me the way I miss him?
Towards the end of work, her cell phone started to buzz. Her heart started racing at the mere possibility that it might be him—that Red might finally be breaking his self-imposed exile.
It was her mother.
“Shit.” Nicole had been avoiding her calls. She’d only called back once, at a time when she knew her mom wouldn’t be around, and left a brief message acting like she’d been disappointed to have missed her.
But now she was starting to feel guilty. So despite her qualms, she finally picked up. “Hey, Mom.”
“Oh! I was so used to getting voicemail, I’m a little startled to hear my daughter’s real voice.”
Nicole smiled—actually it was more of a grimace. “Sorry about that, Mom.
Things have been really busy around here.”
I’ve been busy moping, not showering, and occasionally vomiting for no apparent reason. That’s why I haven’t picked up lately.
“Busy doing what?” her mother asked, a hint of suspicion in her voice. Of course she suspected that Nicole was seeing Red again—nothing else explained the lack of communication.
“Work’s pretty crazy right now.”
“I read in the newspaper that Red was let go,” she said.
Nicole sighed. Shit. She forgot that her ex-fiancé’s entire life was chronicled in the media, so of course her parents knew about the events at her company. “Yeah, the board of directors met and decided that a change was necessary in order to facilitate a new direction.”
Christ, I sound like I’m the interim CEO right now, she thought.
“How do you feel about that?” her mother asked.
Nicole hesitated. “A little sad,” she admitted.
“Hmmmm.” Her mom clearly didn’t like to hear that. “Well, it’s always sad when someone loses a job. But sometimes it’s necessary. Sometimes change is a good thing.” Nicole could translate her mother’s words better than anyone after all these years.
What she really meant was, I hope you’re not still upset about splitting with Red Jameson, because he’s obviously a loser. First he lost you and now he’s even lost his own company. I hope you’re not pining away for him.
But with her mother, things were rarely spelled out like that unless she knew she could get away with it. And after so long without talking, her mother wouldn’t want to upset Nicole and then not speak again for weeks.
“Yes, change is necessary,” Nicole replied, after a long pause.