For His Eyes Only(51)

                She sighed. ‘Not smart enough to see this coming. Every morning I wake up and, just for a moment, everything is normal.’

                Ten seconds, he thought. You had about ten seconds when you thought life still made sense before that jolt as you remembered and it was like the first moment all over again.

                ‘I just feel so stupid.’

                ‘Only someone you trust, someone you love can betray you, Natasha. It always comes out of left field.’ He felt, rather than saw her turn to look at him. There would be a question mark rippling the creamy skin between her brows and he held his breath, waiting for the questions.

                How did he know? When had his world come crashing down? Who had betrayed him? For what seemed an age the only sound was a blackbird perched high in the cedar tree. It was one of those long silences that the unwary rushed to fill and, even though he recognised the danger, he found himself tempted to tell her anyway.

                She stirred before he could gather the words. Begin...

                ‘The real downside was the guilt,’ she said. ‘I was old enough then to see what it did to my mother, to understand what she must have been through when I was little, so when Dad suggested I take my degree at Melchester University...’

                Conflicting emotions twisted his gut. Relief that she’d let him off the hook, regret that he’d missed his chance.

                ‘You wanted to make it up to them,’ he said.

                ‘It was okay, actually. Melchester has one of the best estate management courses in the country and, with all those lads living away from home for the first time, I was never short of a date.’

                He doubted her mother’s cooking was the only lure but he didn’t want to think about that. ‘So what made you toss away the dream job with the National Trust and run away to London to work for Miles Morgan?’

                ‘I live in a small town. I was the little girl who’d had leukaemia. My sickness defined me. No one could see past it, not even my family.’

                ‘So you finally made the break.’

                ‘No... I lied to them, Darius.’

                ‘Lied?’

                ‘I knew that if I took the National Trust job, just down the road, I’d never leave. Never do anything. I’d marry someone I’d known all my life, who knew everything I’d ever done...’

                ‘You told them you didn’t get it?’

                She nodded. ‘It felt like breaking out of jail.’ She tossed away the dregs of her coffee, staring out over the neglected lawn. ‘I’ll be honest. This isn’t where I saw myself five years on from my degree, but I’ve worked harder than anyone so that I wouldn’t have to go home and prove them all right.’ She turned to look at him. ‘You think I’m terrible, don’t you? That I don’t know how lucky I am to have a family who cares about me.’

                Close. Very close. Apparently he wasn’t the only one reading body language, studying inner depths. She must have learned a thing or two watching the men and women trying to hide their reactions to the houses she showed them, playing their cards close to their chest.

                ‘I have no family,’ he said, ‘so I’m in no position to judge.’

                ‘None?’ And in a moment her expression turned from inward reproach to concern. ‘I’m so sorry, Darius. That’s really tough. What happened to your parents?’