He leaned in and kissed me and guilt spread through me as I kissed him back, the dream images of Aedyn still permeating my brain. It didn’t feel right to have sex with Chip when I had another man stuck in my head.
To cover my thoughts, I smiled and said, “You’re right. It was just a stupid dream.”
I was over analyzing. The dream was only a reflection of my mixed-up emotions, my worry about Chip and our future. Chip was right. I had better take care of his needs. He was real, after all; not some illusion. As my fist began to stroke him, I became more resolved to forget the fantasy and focus on the here and now. This was Chip, the man I’d wanted. Without him, what would I do? Shrivel up and become some bitter, disappointed truck driver’s wife? I didn’t want that.
As he approached me further and climbed on top of me, I felt his erection slide in easily. I was so wet from the dream, wet from wanting Aedyn that it sent a fresh wave of guilt rushing through me. I turned my head to the side and closed my eyes.
I tried to enjoy it, tried to stop thinking and embrace the man in my arms, but I couldn’t, the lingering effects of my erotic dream left me feeling confused. Suddenly, having him on top of me made me feel suffocated, and all I really wanted to do was go back to my apartment and put some space between me and this dick. I stifled a laugh, which almost turned into a sob. Chip had been such a dick lately. It was overwhelming, but the other side of my brain kept telling me to stop being so ungrateful, be happy to have the best this town had to offer.
He rocked on top of me, grunting and breathing heavily. I laid there, fighting back the urge to say, “Come already!” I bit my lip. I was so confused. Emotions that shouldn’t be there were barreling through me full throttle. What was wrong with me? I just wanted to shove him off. Instead of a pleasurable orgasm building inside, an agitated and scratchy feeling was building in my soul.
His head was buried in my neck and his back was rounded as he continued. The whole bed moved with his thrusts; he was pushing so hard, pounding into me over and over. I kept my head turned to the side and tried to block this reality from my mind, but my emotions were running the show now. It felt like someone had hit the download button and everything was happening out of my control. There was no abort button; crazy wild emotions all came crashing down to swallow me up. I was outside of myself, watching it all happen, a weird mixture of fantasy and reality. Somewhere in between the two, I could smell the familiar scent of Chip’s expensive cologne.
When it was over, Chip rolled off me and he could tell I hadn’t had an orgasm.
“Well, that was uneventful,” he said with annoyance and got out of the bed.
Chapter 7
Lauren
I didn’t know what to say. I laid there, staring at the ceiling, trying to come up with the perfect reply that would stop the dreaded inquisition I knew would come next. But it was like Chip had a window into my mind and could read every thought I was thinking. I felt so exposed. Then a cheap lie arose in my mind. “Sorry. I’m not feeling so great. I think it was the food we ate last night. Sometimes seafood bothers my stomach. It did smell kind of fishy. Maybe it wasn’t fresh.” I mean we live in the Midwest. There’s no sea around here. Maybe he’d buy that story.
Chip snorted a short laugh. Not the “ha-ha, funny,” type, more of the “yea, right” variety.
“You’ve been acting distant. I’m no fool. What’s going on?” Chip paced next to the bed and reached for the bottle of water on his night stand.
“Distant?”
“Yea, like you got something else on your mind all the time. You’re always staring off into space. You take extra-long lunches at work and now, in bed, your mind was somewhere else. You weren’t even into it. I’m no fool, Lauren. What’s so damn important that you can’t pay attention to me when we’re together?” He stopped pacing and gave me a piercing look. “Or should I say, who is so important?”
I sat up and got out of the bed so I could turn my back and he couldn’t see my face. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I told you, I just don’t feel well. That’s all.”
“Don’t pretend with me, Lauren.” He put down his water and followed me as I walked around the bedroom, looking for my underwear to put on. I was stalling. I didn’t know how to answer him. There wasn’t anyone else, except a fantasy, and that didn’t count.
If I went on the defensive and started an argument now that his manhood was challenged, it wouldn’t end well, I knew. I had witnessed Chip’s rages and his erratic behavior was draining me. Although, from the looks of all the clothing strewn around the room, I must have been feeling pretty amorous toward him last night.