“It seems like you two should be engaged by now,” Jules said, reading my mind. “That would be the most logical step. Is that what you want?”
“Absolutely.” If he would just give me a ring, I wouldn’t have to worry so much. He wouldn’t either. But it had been four years of dating and that hadn’t happened yet.
“All I want is a family, a good home life… and not to work anymore in a job that doesn’t offer any challenges. But I would still do charity work, even after having babies.”
“Geez you’ve got this thing all planned out don’t you?”
I shrugged. “It’s what I want out of life, but…”
“Ah, here it comes, the dramatic pause. But what?”
“Chip. His temper. His arrogance. It’s getting worse lately. I don’t know if he’s under a lot of pressure at work lately or what. I mean, even though I work with him in the office, he doesn’t let me know everything about his business. I just answer the phones and schedule appointments, really. A monkey could do it. I think he just gave me the job because I’m his girlfriend.”
“Maybe he wants to keep tabs on you? You know, give you a job with him so he can know what you’re up to, track your internet usage.” She raised her eyebrows and wiggled them.
“Come on Jules, you know me better than that. I don’t want to fool around. No, Chip is what I want, what I’ve always wanted and I’m not going to jeopardize it. Well…” I paused. “The old Chip is what I want,” I amended.
I poked a finger at my sandwich and then pulled out a small shred of mayonnaise-covered lettuce and touched it to my tongue. Jules watched me pick at my food and asked, “Aren’t you going to eat?” She tilted her head. “There’s more isn’t there? Don’t just gloss over it; details, girl, details.”
I’d known from the moment I called her I would confess everything. But knowing and doing were two separate things. Finally, I sighed and just said it. “Chip and I had a fight at dinner. It started as an argument about local politics, but by the time we went out to the car, it turned into a verbal attack on me. He ended up punching a dent into his Corvette.”
Julie’s eyebrows shot up. “With his fist?”
“Yes. It’s okay, it can be fixed, but he blamed me.”
“You?”
“Yea, he went all crazy, and in the heat of the moment…” I trailed off. “He didn’t mean it. I guess he let his temper get the best of him.”
Jules narrowed her eyes as I defended him. “His temper may have helped when he was on the football team back in high school, but that kind of shit needs to stop. Lauren, are you sure this is what you really want? You come from a good family, your dad is a doctor for god’s sake. It’s not like Chip picked you up from the gutter and graced you with his presence!” She stopped, realizing she’d been close to yelling. After looking around, she lowered her voice. “Don’t let Chip get away with that kind of behavior. Stand up for yourself and tell him there’ll be no ring on your finger until he can show you some respect. You keep acting as if he’s the only choice you have for happiness. It’s not. That’s just small town thinking keeping you small.”
Jules was right, but I was still afraid. Afraid that if I spoke my mind it would turn into another argument I couldn’t win. I’d end up looking like a royal bitch, or worse, tongue-tied and completely inadequate. It would only serve to drive him further away. I couldn’t have that. I loved him. He was my chance for happiness. He was everything I dreamed of for my future and if I had to shut my mouth and smile, then that’s what I’d do. I would support him through this bump in the road, or whatever it’s called. We would be fine. We had to be.
“I know you’re right. But you know how I feel about moving away, I could never do it. Not after…” I paused, shaking my head and straightening in my chair. “I’ve got to stop this. I’m focusing on the bad when I need to focus on the good. I need to stop being so worried about losing him and really talk about why he’s changed lately. I need to be like my dad and stop looking at just the symptoms. I need to find the root of the problem.”
Jules nodded and patted my hand. “Good thinking. Chin up, girl. I don’t think he wants to lose you either.”
“I need to get back to the office soon.” I glanced at my watch. “I’m going to the restroom. Wait for me. Don’t leave until I get back.”
The hallway to the restrooms was narrow, cluttered with stacks of various take-out boxes and other restaurant supplies. Just as I attempted to negotiate the turn, I ran straight into the chest of a tall man, dressed in a dark suit, who was coming out of the hall.