"Then why won't you let me see you?"
"This is my problem, not yours, Elec. It has nothing to do with me not trusting you. I just need time to get over it."
"I can be patient."
"Thanks." Tamara sucked in a breath, gathered all her courage, and tossed the pillow off.
"Is that better? Are you happy?"
Elec ran his finger down her cheek as he leaned over the bed. "I'll be happy when you can walk across the room naked in front of me and not even think about it. I'll be happy when you finally believe that I think you're beautiful, every inch of you."
"It may take a while for that," she told him with all honesty.
Elec climbed onto the bed and settled in beside her. He pulled her so that they were spooning, her backside resting against his stomach. His hand rested on her hip and his lips brushed her temple.
"What did he tell you about your body?" Elec asked softly.
"What? Who?" she asked, startled.
"Your husband. What did he say about the stretch marks, about your breasts?"
Tamara swallowed hard, fighting the urge to suddenly cry. She had no idea why she would be tearing up, but Elec was being so gentle and understanding with her that it was overwhelming her. "Pete wasn't a mean guy."
"I never said he was. But maybe he was insensitive in that he never reassured you that you looked just as good after the babies as you did before."
"No, he never told me that." Tamara closed her eyes. "He'd joke that he guessed he wouldn't be looking all that hot after pushing out a couple of basketballs either. And he'd tease me that it was all good-that he had mental airbrush."
"Those are really shitty things to say." Elec had stiffened behind her, and he sounded quietly angry.
"Yeah, they are. But to be fair, I never told him those things upset me. Maybe at the time I didn't realize how much they did. It was when I decided I was ready to maybe start dating again, that I realized how awful I feel about how I look naked."
"I guess that's a lot of years of worry facing you all at once, isn't it?"
It definitely was. "I do appreciate how wonderful you've been, Elec. You've said all the right things."
"I haven't said anything that wasn't true."
Tamara relaxed onto her pillow. "My hair is soaking wet."
"It will dry."
"You going to lick it?" she asked with a laugh.
"No, that only applies to skin. Which I'll get to in a minute. Right now just lying here feels good."
It did. It was another reminder of how much she had missed the constant closeness of being in a relationship, the right to touch someone casually or intimately, the ability to rest her head on a man's shoulder or chest and know it was welcome, that she belonged there. It would be dangerous to enjoy those things too much with Elec because she didn't want to be devastated when she had to give them up, and she would eventually. Either when their relationship became too complicated from time constraints on both their parts, from media and family responsibilities, or when Elec figured out that a twenty-five-year-old hottie had more options available to him than a thirty-two-year-old widow with a couple of kids.
"It would feel even better with a blanket over us. The air-conditioning is cold."
Elec touched her hard nipple.
She jumped. "Hey!"
"Wow, you are cold."
Tamara couldn't help but laugh. That was such a guy thing to do.
Elec reached down and yanked the duvet up, folding it in half over them.
It only came to her waist, but it helped and she gave a yawn. "I'm tired."
"Me, too." Elec shifted his hand from her hip to her stomach and gave his own yawn in her ear.
The spot he was touching was her major jiggle spot, and Tamara felt herself tense, felt something akin to a panic attack that he would be residing right on top of her major flaw, and that with his hand there, there was no hiding it. But it clearly wasn't bothering him, and she needed to get a grip, let it go. Closing her eyes, she used the technique of relaxing from her head down to her toes, one muscle group at a time. By the time she reached her feet, Elec was asleep, his even breathing rushing past her ear.
She dozed off, too, going in and out as the sun warmed her from her bedroom window and Elec's body heat created a warm cocoon under the duvet.
Snapping awake for no obvious reason, Tamara had the sudden realization that between the shower sex and the talking and the napping, a fair amount of time must have gone by and her kids came home at three o'clock. Craning to see over Elec, she eyeballed the clock.
Two forty-seven.
Oh, Lord. She could only be eternally grateful that her kids hadn't discovered her exactly the way she was at the moment. They still had time but it was cutting it close.
"Elec," she whispered.
He just sighed in his sleep.
"Elec." Panicking a little, she shoved him and threw back the blanket. "Get up."
"Why?" he muttered, his eyes still closed.
"The school bus gets here in ten minutes."
"Oh, shit," he said, eyes popping open. With a dexterity that both impressed and reared envy in her, he leaped off the bed and ran into the bathroom.
She was still struggling to disengage herself from the damn blanket, but she was grateful that he immediately understood the importance of the school bus arriving and how he couldn't be there when it did. Her kids would find it weird that she was in her bathroom showering on a Monday at three o'clock, but she could explain that one away. Elec naked in the bed next to her? Not so easy to get around.
When she managed to get herself out of the bed, she yanked open a dresser drawer and pulled on some panties and a T-shirt, forgoing a bra for the moment. Dashing into her closet, she found a pair of jeans conveniently on the floor next to the hamper and she shoved herself into them. Then she went to find Elec, who was still in the bathroom. He was on his knees in his black underwear wiping puddles of water up off the floor with a towel.
"What are you doing?" And why was he still mostly naked?
"We made a mess, and it's my fault, so I'm cleaning it up."
While the movement did wonderful things to his butt muscles, she didn't have time to drool over it. "Don't worry about it. Get your pants on!"
"Done." He tossed the towel aside and stood up with his jeans in his hand. He stepped into them, then jumped a little to get them into place.
Tamara tried to move around him to shoot her hair with the blow-dryer really quick and she misjudged and bumped him. Elec lost his balance since he was only half in his pants and he crashed into the wall.
"Oh, sorry!" she said, reaching out like somehow that was going to help him.
He started laughing as he finished pulling his jeans on. "This will be really funny if we don't get caught."
She grinned back, despite having one ear trained for the school bus roaring up the street.
"The key here is not to get caught."
"Should I climb out the window and shimmy down the trellis?" He pulled his shirt on and ran his hand through his hair.
"I don't have a trellis." Tamara dragged a hairbrush through her hair, towel dried it, and called it good. "And since your car is in the driveway, I don't imagine going out the window will throw anyone off the scent."
"Good point." He looked around the bathroom. "I had shoes around here somewhere."
"Here." Tamara found them under her vanity and shoved them at him. "At least get downstairs. I can explain you in the family room. I can't explain you in the bedroom."
"I don't think you can explain the wet hair, since it's probably not at all believable that we just happened to go swimming. Don't worry, I'm out of here." Elec grabbed his shoes, kissed her hard. "Next Monday?"
She nodded, which was insane. They were on the verge of being severely busted by her children and she was agreeing to continue this madness?
"I'll call you!" he said, and took off running.
He was across the bedroom in two seconds and she could hear his bare feet pounding down the steps. The front door flew open and a car door did likewise before she was even halfway down the stairs. Picking up her own pace, she made it to the front window in time to see him back up out of her driveway and head down the street. He passed the school bus three houses down the cul-de-sac.
She could only hope her kids weren't the least bit observant.
Or that a major spit-wad fight had ensued on the bus right when Elec had driven by so they would not notice that a certain race car driver had just left their house.