But the thought of going back to my old life—latent, free of coven politics, without Declan—doesn’t appeal to me. No matter how much my life sucks at present—and let’s be honest, it sucks a lot—it’s still better than living without him in my life. He broke my heart the first time he left and all he’d done was kiss me, hold me, talk to me. Now that we’ve made love, now that he’s let me see the man behind the mystery, I can’t imagine waking up every day to a life without him in it.
“I think your magic gives you the ability to tap into the power all around you. Those seizures, the fire . . . You know that Alride was a fire element, too, don’t you?”
I didn’t. I ponder his words for a moment, try to figure out what he isn’t saying. When it finally hits me, I break out in a cold sweat. “You think what I felt was Viktor dying?”
“Alride had a great deal of magic at his disposal. When he died violently, struggling, that magic shot out into the universe and glommed on to the first magical empathy it could find.”
“Me.”
“You.” He nods solemnly.
My stomach clenches all over again. I didn’t like Alride when he was alive, and the thought of his magic latching onto me, tearing through me, makes my skin crawl. I don’t think he should have died the way he did—no one should go through that—but that doesn’t mean I want any part of him inside me.
My expression must reflect my revulsion, because Declan pulls back. “Are you all right? Are you going to be sick again?”
“I’m fine,” I tell him. “Everything’s going to be fine.” I refuse to think of it any other way.
“I know.” More kisses, this time on my brow and along the line of my jaw. “I just wish you didn’t feel so fragile against me.”
“There’s nothing about me that’s fragile.” I’m a little insulted that he thinks there is.
“Baby, everything about you is fragile.” He runs a deliberate hand over my wrist, which is small and—admittedly—one of the most delicate things about me. “It’s why I’m so astounded by the strength you show over and over and over again.”
“You don’t really mean that.” How can he when he’s constantly swooping to my rescue?
“I’ve never meant anything more. You’re amazing. I thank the goddess every night that you’re mine. Maybe I’m too harsh, maybe I don’t show it enough, but, Xandra, every day you find a way to astonish me. To thrill me.”
I melt. There’s no other word for it. The last of my anger at his high-handedness dissolves and I press myself against him. Hold him tight.
He holds me just as securely.
Long minutes pass where neither of us moves. Finally, as the first hypnotic colors of dawn start creeping across the sky, I pull away. The ache inside me—the one that pushed and shoved at me in an effort to force me back to the ACW headquarters—has dissipated some. Viktor’s been found. Thank the goddess.
And while I would sooner roast over an open pit than admit this to Declan, it’s nice to know that I can survive if I turn my back on the compulsion. It isn’t pleasant, and I’ll definitely need help—no way can I do it on my own—but it can be done. That has to count for something.
“Do you think you’ll be okay if I start driving again?” he asks cautiously.
I nod. “Lily is probably worried about us anyway.”
Long seconds pass as he continues to hold me. Finally, reluctantly, he moves away. Climbs out of the backseat and into the front.
After putting on my seat belt, I lean forward, rest a hand on his shoulder. For a brief moment his hand comes up and covers mine. Then he’s starting the car and pulling back onto the street.
We get to my house about ten minutes later. Lily is in the family room waiting for us. Every light in the house is on. Poor baby. Tonight traumatized me. I can only imagine what it did to her.
Once she makes sure Declan and I are home safely, she drops a kiss on my cheek, warns me never to put her through anything like this again, then makes a beeline for her room. I’m right behind her, so tired and grubby and miserable that all I want is a shower and a bed. Usually, I’m just getting up at this time, preparing to head into work to get started on the baking.
But right now, all I can think of is sleep. I don’t need much. Just a couple of hours to recharge my batteries and get the horrors of tonight out of my head. Then I’ll worry about work. Travis will be there to open in the morning, along with two other longtime employees. Together, they’re more than capable of holding the fort.