“We had a showdown today, or Shy did with Tack, and the Club backed Tack. Tabby came tearin’ in and it went from really fuckin’ bad to cataclysmic. Shy says he’s willin’ to give up his cut for her.”
Give up his cut?
That was insane. No brother willingly gave up their cut.
Unless they were really in love.
“Oh my God,” I whispered.
“Yeah,” Hop said. “That rocked our shit, as any declaration of lettin’ go of the brotherhood would do. Then her mom strolled in and you were gone, lady, you never met her but Naomi, Tack’s ex, is one serious bitch. Made an art out of bein’ one, and her masterpieces were bustin’ Tack’s balls and tearin’ Tab down ’til she felt like nothin’.”
I knew this. I’d heard about Naomi from Ty-Ty. And from what I heard, Hop was not wrong. She was one serious bitch.
Hop went on. “Most of the boys know Naomi went at Tack and Tabby with equal venom, so she is not our favorite person, so much so, she’d been warned off Chaos. But Shy, swear to Christ, that woman walked in, thought Shy was gonna rip her head off. No hesitation, he had her out the door and was in her face, so harsh, the bitch didn’t say a fuckin’ word, and Naomi’s got an arsenal of words and she uses ‘em as weapons. Not a peep. Got in her car and went. Knew Shy was a good brother, outside this shit with Tab, more than pulls his weight, he’s smart, got no fear, that’s why I backed him to recruit but I had no idea he had that in him.”
I smiled. “Love makes you able to do a lot of things you didn’t think you had in you.”
His fingers dug into my skin as his eyes went intense. I realized what I said and felt my smile die away.
“Baby,” he murmured.
Really not wanting to be on this one, I quickly changed the subject again. “I think this all sounds good, Hopper. I know it’s a shock. You all have known Tabby since she was a little girl so it’ll take time for you to adjust to the fact that she isn’t a little girl anymore. But nothing you said is bad. Everything you said, honey, if you listen to your words, isn’t good either. It’s great. Willing to give up his cut, dealing with her mom. That’s beautiful.”
“You’re missing my point,” he said gently.
“I know,” I whispered.
He pulled in a breath through his nose.
Then he stated, “That scene we had where I watched that monster tear into you, lady, you gotta know I don’t wanna take you back there but this shit is goin’ on too long.”
Oh no.
This wasn’t happening. Not now. Maybe in a week. Or three. Or one hundred and fifty.
“I’m not ready,” I stated hurriedly.
“My job to make you ready.”
I clenched my teeth and looked away.
“Lanie, baby, look at me.”
I looked back and he dipped his face close.
“You need to talk to Tyra and not about us.”
That feeling swelled inside me, growing, taking over. “Hop—”
“She does not blame you.”
“Please stop talking.”
He shut his mouth. Then he shifted to put the bottle of bourbon on the counter and came back to me, lifting his other hand to curl it around my neck and his face again came close.
“Hold it back, hold it at bay, for now, control it like you got to, lady, but do all that letting this in,” he started and I didn’t think that was a good start so I braced.
It was good I did.
“I have never been shot. I have never watched someone I love die. But I have carried the burden of feelin’ I fucked up and someone got hurt because of it.”
“Hop—” I tried.
“Listen, lady,” he whispered.
I shut my mouth.
Hop kept going.
“Black got whacked because my girls talked. I struggled with that for a long time. He left two boys and an old lady, the Club takes care of them but that’s not enough. That’ll never be enough. She hasn’t moved on. She loved him so goddamned much, she unraveled and she never wound herself back together. That weighed heavy on me, baby, until Tack noticed and we talked it out. He made me get that I didn’t drill rounds into our brother and I didn’t yap to the wrong people, puttin’ him in danger. I did my job, carrying out the orders he gave me. He told me he also carried the same weight because he gave the orders that led to Black being brought down. But the bottom line for both of us was, we didn’t do the deed. You did what you thought was right, Lanie. But you never stuck your girl with a knife. You gotta let that shit go.”
“Will you stop talking now?” I asked, my voice small.
I understood logically what he was saying but for some, malevolent reason, that monster in me fed on the guilt and it was growing out of control.