Fire Inside:A Chaos Novel(70)

“I quit because I had a way with notes. Bog, the bassist we had back then who now lives in LA and produces records with some pretty big fuckin’ names, had a way with words and Danny didn’t want to move from covers. He didn’t think we could compete with the likes of Seger and Springsteen. He didn’t think, the bars we were playing, we’d draw crowds with original music. He said people wanted to hear what they knew.”

I thought this kind of made sense but I didn’t share that because Hop continued.

“Under all that, he was shit scared. We started to play gigs in high school, which, by the way, did not make my mother happy. We were good, even better back then. Didn’t have the practice but we had the passion. We had a good thing and people felt it. We got more gigs. We made money. We did some traveling. Saw a lot of bars, a lot of road and laid a lot of women. He didn’t want to fuck that up. Didn’t have it in him to take a risk. He didn’t get it wasn’t about besting the rock gods. Seger, Clapton, the greats laid down such fantastic tracks, nothing, no one, no matter how talented they are, would outshine that. Music isn’t about competition. It’s about communication. There are countless stories to be told, lady, and even if your story isn’t so fantastic it will live for eternity, that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be told.”

I had to admit, he was right about that and that also was deep.

And cool.

Hop kept talking.

“Bog got frustrated then pissed, took off, formed his own band. That didn’t work but at least he tried. I figure he’d prefer to be makin’ his own music now but he isn’t complaining since he lives his life in the life. And Bog takin’ off pissed me off. I couldn’t do much with words but I could with music and without a lyricist, I was stuck. Loved music. Loved playing. Didn’t like that it was the same thing every night. Danny and I were tight, us playin’ together since we were kids were some of the only good times I had. I figured, I kept goin’ with that and my world being so narrow, I’d begin to resent it and I’d lose what I had with Danny. So to preserve that, I took off too.”

“Did you join another band?”

Hop shook his head. “Auditioned for a couple of them but that band with Danny was my band, our band and,” he grinned, “I’m not a man who follows, who likes to be told what to play, what to do so I knew it wouldn’t work for me and I gave it up.”

“That’s kind of sad,” I told him. “If last night is any indication, you’re really, really good.”

He gave me a soft smile in appreciation of the compliment but did it shaking his head again.

“Not sad,” he returned. “Danny’s livin’ the same life, babe. No growth. Nothin’ to show for it. They got a loyal following that’s a fuckuva lot bigger than what we had back then which means they have a decent manager who keeps them in gigs and they can pay two roadies so they don’t have to lug equipment. But every night it’s a different bar, a different body in his bed, a different hotel. Every day it’s back in the RV, on the road, headin’ to more of the same. His life is still narrow. I think he digs it and if he’s down with that, cool. But he and me are both forty. In ten years, fifteen if he’s lucky, those broads up front are gonna look as tired as he is. It won’t matter how great he can sell “Feel Like a Number”, fresh pussy is gonna dry up and the gigs are gonna be fewer and farther between and, I guarantee you, lady, he’s gonna find himself at a time where he’ll look back and reflect and he’ll have regrets.”

I nodded because this was likely true.

Hop carried on.

“I gave it up and found Chaos. I got kids. I got brothers. I got a home. I got work I like doin’ at the garage, the store, with my Club. I got family.” His arm gave me a squeeze and his lips tipped up. “I got a beautiful woman in my bed and I’ve had her enough times, I know what to do to make her moan for me. If I don’t fuck that up with her, I keep that and no matter what women think, a real man wants to know how to make his woman moan and takes up the challenge of keepin’ that up and makin’ it better. Not starting that shit up time and again with another bitch. What I’m sayin’ is, I landed in a good place, baby, and I never looked back. I got no regrets.”

His words about me, how he knew how to make me moan, how a real man wants to keep that up and make it better meant everything to me.

Everything.

If I could give him words to say to make me know my heart and gut led me straight to where I should be, naked in Hop’s waterbed, they might not have been exactly the same since I wasn’t a badass biker.