Fire Inside:A Chaos Novel(25)

His goatee tickled my skin.

At the feel of it, the memories it invoked, that gaping void I could never stop thinking about widened, consuming vast areas of my body, making me feel empty from throat to toes.

I hid this as his head came up and I smiled into his eyes.

He stared into mine even as his hand came out, and his fingers curled around mine tight before, just as quickly, they disappeared.

Tack Allen never missed anything.

Not anything.

Ever.

Damn.

I gave Tyra another hug and then stood on my front porch, lights on, another Southern tradition my mom taught me, and waved at them until they were out of sight.

This bugged Tack. I knew it because Tyra told me he wanted me to stop doing it. He wanted me in the house, door closed and locked before they rolled away.

That was sweet and I tried but I couldn’t do it. Years of training ingrained in me forbid it. I shared this with Tack; he roared with laughter and shut up about it.

I went into the house, turned off the porch light, closed the door, and locked it.

Then I went to the windows, opened the plantation shutters, and peeked out.

Long moments elapsed before I heard the roar of his bike then I saw them slide by.

Yes, Tack shut up about it.

He also rounded the block and came back to check all was quiet at Lanie’s house before he and Tyra headed up the mountain.

I watched them disappear and smiled at the street, happy I had good friends, and happy my best friend had found a good man.

Then I slid the shutters closed and headed to the bottle of wine.

Minutes later, glass of wine in hand, candles lit, I moved to the stereo.

* * *

I lay there bleeding, the phone I used to dial 911 several feet away.

Too far to reach. I could hear the voice of the 911 operator calling from the phone but I was too weak to reach for it.

All I could do was lie on the carpet and feel the warm, sickening rush of blood pooling around my body.

And all I could see was Elliott, five feet in front of me, on his back, his head turned to the side, his eyes open, wide and lifeless.

He was dead but he still looked surprised.

I put myself in front of bullets for him.

He didn’t put himself in front of me. I put myself in front of him.

I knew this was not why he was surprised.

I knew he was surprised I didn’t save him.

* * *

I came awake with a jerk, my torso swinging up, breaths coming in gasps, heart beating a mile a minute, the dream still having a hold of me.

No, not a dream.

A nightmare.

A memory.

I sucked in breaths. They came shallow so I forced them deep and I listened hard.

They weren’t out there. They were never out there. It was memory coming through as a dream. Just as it often did.

Tack had taken care of Gregori Lescheva. The Russian Mob was no longer interested in me. They had their revenge. It was lying in a grave fifteen miles away from my house.

I was safe.

I didn’t feel that way.

I jerked my head around and looked at the clock.

Twelve-oh-two. I’d been asleep about an hour.

I pulled in one last breath then threw the covers off me. I got up and went to the walk-in closet. I flipped the switch on the outside and walked in, looking around at the rails stuffed full of clothes.

Mom and Dad got me gift certificates for everything. If I took a breath, one would wing its way from Connecticut and land in my mailbox as a celebration.

Guilt money. Guilt for Dad being a jerk and Mom being weak. Just like my car. They knew I left Connecticut to escape their lunacy, the heartbreak that lived and breathed and festered all around. So, in true Dad fashion, he’d bought me a car that cost hundreds of thousands of dollars to try to wash away the feel of living amongst love gone bad.

I accepted it. I accepted everything. It was too much hassle not to—Mom’s pouting, Dad’s disappointment.

Elissa didn’t buy into the lie. My sister didn’t go home for Christmas. She didn’t call on Thanksgiving. She didn’t put up with their shit. She’d drawn that line years ago and lived without parents.

“Why do I need them when I’ve got you?” she’d asked me.

Sweet, loving, loyal. Then again, that was my Lis. All of that in spades.

By the way, Lis hated Elliott too. She’d loved him, probably for the reasons I loved him, before he died. After he’d died and how he did, nearly taking me with him, not so much.

I carefully selected an outfit and shoes. Grabbing them I dashed to my bed and laid them out. At the dresser, I carefully selected underwear. I had a lot to choose from. I didn’t pay attention to just how much lingerie was shoved into my drawer or to my room, with its cream walls that held a hint of pink, the tall, huge king-sized bed with its colossal, sweeping, padded headboard and matching footboard. The expensive sheets and shams. The wide, round, antique white nightstands with their curved, elegant legs. The smooth, shining, crystal-based lamps.