“It hurts,” I told him.
“It hurts because you give a shit.”
This made sense but still.
“You said I made you genuinely happy,” I reminded him.
“Yeah, I said that,” he confirmed.
I lifted my head to look at him again. “How? I jacked you around. I lied about what I wanted from the very beginning. Even though I didn’t do it consciously, I still did it. I screwed things up and then did it again and again and—”
“Baby,” he interrupted me, his body suddenly shaking with laughter, “didn’t you hear me when I said I like a challenge?”
“There’s a challenge, Hop, and then there’s a pain in the ass.”
Still laughing, he rolled us again so I was on my back and he was pressed into me.
“You’re beautiful, fuck me, seriously, so goddamned beautiful sometimes, swear to God, I think I can’t look at you any longer because if I do, your beauty will burn out my eyes.”
Oh my God!
That was so sweet.
“You’re funny. You’re crazy,” he carried on. “You’re just you and to hell with what people think. You’re total class. You could be a snob because you come from money and you got your kind of beauty but, because you’re you, you fit anywhere. You treat my kids good. You’re a fantastic fuckin’ cook. You let go in bed and come hard, givin’ me even more beauty. I lay in bed with you, tellin’ you stories about bitches I used to date and you giggle your ass off, you don’t get in my face about reminding you I used to date those bitches. I lay in bed, tellin’ you stories about my life and you look at me with those beautiful eyes of yours and listen like I’m tellin’ you God’s secret plan for harmony. And I sing you a song and you stand on a goddamned chair and shout I’m the shit then jump me when we get home. None of that, none of it, lady, is a pain in the ass. All of it, every bit, is worth fighting for.”
Oh.
My.
God!
That was so sweet!
“Hopper,” I whispered.
“Babe, hear this. I figured something out about Mitzi. She didn’t want that guy because he had her heart. She wanted that guy because her dad made shit but they lived in a part of town where she went to school with kids that had serious money. Don’t know but I guess, for her, bein’ poor around the rich fucked with her head. And that guy’s dad made money. The kind of money that meant he had it easy in life, doors opened for him. So by the time I met him, he had a wife who couldn’t give him kids but he still had a six-bedroom house in Cherry Creek. He drove a BMW. She drove a Merc. He wore fuckin’ loafers shined so bright, I fought against puttin’ on shades to battle the glare. And she was so tricked out, it didn’t take a psychologist to figure out she was usin’ money to buy her happiness. Mitzi wanted that. She wanted the Merc and designer gear. She didn’t want him.”
I didn’t know where he was leading with this so I just said, “Okay.”
Hop got I didn’t understand so he explained.
“What I’m sayin’ is, fucks with a man’s pride, his woman steps out on him. But when Mitzi sorted her shit and figured out she’d wasted most of her life on a dream she wouldn’t live because she wasn’t woman enough to keep a decent man, she came crawlin’ back to me. She didn’t step out on me. She didn’t give a shit about me. I was just there to keep her from bein’ lonely and to get her off. She was steppin’ out on our life. She understood, too late, that flashy cars and big houses were not where it was at. A man in your bed who’s gonna be true to you and whose highest priority in life is lookin’ after you and the kids you make together is.”
Well, that was the God’s honest truth.
And I loved, loved, loved it that Hop thought that way.
“Life is fucked up,” Hop continued. “First it leads me to a bitch who wants the high life and fucks me over while she’s tryin’ to get it. And then it leads me to a good woman who had the high life and knew better what was important.” He lifted a hand to cup my jaw before he finished, “Thank fuck it came in that order, babe, or I’d be fucked.”
“Funny,” I said quietly, “I was thanking fuck because you came into my life at all.”
After I spoke my words, the room went still and it stayed that way for so long, it began to freak me out.
“Hop?” I called.
“Do you have any fuckin’ clue how much I love you?”
After his growled words, I stopped breathing. Therefore it took effort to wheeze out, “I do now.”
I felt his lips hit mine, where he said, “Every step, every breath, every second I lived on this earth, I’m thankful for, no matter how fucked up or whacked or hard or good, ’cause all that shit led me to you.”