Fire Inside(29)

I held his eyes.

Then I pushed my head in the pillows. He got my message, lifted his lips from mine and I announced, “I stepped in front of those bullets.”

I felt his body jerk then still.

I wasn’t done.

“He let me,” I shared.

He closed his eyes and murmured, “Fuck me, Lanie.”

“Look at me, Hopper.”

He opened his eyes and God, God, they were so intense it was a wonder they didn’t burn two holes straight through me.

“I’m not taking a chance on you,” I declared. “I am not taking a chance on anybody.”

His eyes started burning a different way.

“He was alive, I’d fuckin’ kill him,” he clipped.

“Well then, it’s good he’s dead. Now get off me,” I returned.

“Seven years, Lanie, you’ve held that monster inside and, I’ll repeat, it’s eatin’ you alive.”

“I know that monster, Hop, I understand it,” I sort of lied. I knew it before. Since I propositioned Hop at a hog roast, it was acting unpredictably. “It’s the world outside I don’t understand,” I finished and that was the honest to goodness truth.

“Then come full into Chaos, Lanie. Our world is simple. You got nothin’ to understand but family.”

God! He had an answer for everything.

“Please listen to me. That’s not going to happen,” I stressed.

He went quiet.

So did I.

He ended the silence.

“I’ll wear you down,” he proclaimed.

“No, you won’t,” I denied.

“You won’t let me in, I’ll break in, sneak in, blast in,” he promised.

“You won’t get in,” I contradicted.

He shut up again and stared at me.

After long moments, I watched as suddenly, weirdly and, most of all, scarily, he saw something in me that made his face clear.

I didn’t think that was good.

I would find out I was right.

“Let you in on a secret, babe, and you think on this,” he told me.

I was not going to think on anything.

“Hop… get… off… me,” I snapped.

His body pressed into mine so he could lift his hands up and frame my face.

“I’m already in. Just gotta wait for you to realize it.”

This, unfortunately, was a scary statement because, more unfortunately, I suspected he was not wrong. Furthering my misfortune, he’d read that in my face, which meant he knew or was learning how to read me.

This was not good.

At all.

Hiding my discomfiture, I advised, “Don’t hold your breath.”

He dropped his head, touched his lips to mine then lifted, shifting to plant his forearms in the bed at my sides. “You want me to take you back to your car?”

“Not on your life,” I answered.

His mouth twitched.

Then he asked, “Want me to ask one of the boys to do it?”

“Absolutely not,” I answered.

His mouth curved.

“Wanna fuck real quick before you go?”

I didn’t “wanna fuck real quick”. I actually wanted to fuck real slow.

I didn’t tell him that.

I demanded, “Get off me.”

He rolled off me.

I tried not to feel disappointment and rolled the other way.

As I hastily dressed, I informed him, “I’m stealing your tee since you messed up my blouse.”

“I’ll buy you a new one,” he said from the bed.

“Don’t bother,” I muttered, then felt it important to note, “And I’m not stealing your tee because it’s yours.”

It was his turn to mutter and when he did, he muttered, “Right.”

“I’m not,” I declared, zipping up my skirt.

“I believe you, lady,” he stated like he absolutely did not.

I decided to let that go and get out of there.

Sandals in hand, I moved to his jeans on the floor and yanked out my phone before I moved to my purse in his easy chair. I grabbed it and walked to the door barefoot.

I did this intent on leaving, intent on not looking at him. Just as, when he left me, he didn’t look at me.

So intent, I didn’t think when he called my name when I was at the door, and I looked at him.

He was lying naked across the bed, up on an elbow, head in his hand, eyes on me, looking so amazing I had absolutely no idea how I didn’t throw my stuff aside, rush across the room, take a flying leap and join him.

“See you tonight,” he stated. My head jerked because I was focused on my thoughts, so his words came as a surprise.

“What?” I asked.

“See you tonight,” he repeated.

I finally got it together and therefore was able to lie. “I’m busy tonight.”

He didn’t say anything.

“So I won’t see you,” I went on.