“She’s punishing herself because of me?”
“Not because of you. Because of guilt. Because of regret. Because she hurt someone she loves. Cal told me she doesn’t believe she deserves to be happy, which is why we see her giving so much to everyone else while continually denying herself.”
“Cal said that?”
“Not in so many words. But once he explained the situation, I understood. Aiyana’s rejecting his love because she doesn’t feel she deserves it.”
Forcing her hands open, Cora rubbed her sweaty palms on her denim-clad thighs. “But if it wasn’t rape, how bad can it be? And if it is that bad, why would Cal ever open up about it?”
“Trust me, he was reluctant. He just didn’t have much choice, not with you living here and marrying me.”
“Your mother wouldn’t want me here if she knew who I was. That’s the bottom line, isn’t it?” She’d told herself she’d accept whatever Eli came back with, take it well. She’d been lucky enough to have Lilly and Brad. But she couldn’t stem the bitter disappointment that flooded through her.
“I don’t believe that, no. And it took some convincing, but before I left Cal agreed with me. As painful as it might be, confronting the truth is the only way you’ll be able to have the relationship with Aiyana that you deserve, and then maybe she can finally heal. Sometimes things have to get worse before they can get better.”
Those were harrowing words. “So what is it?” Cora asked. “You’re going to tell me, right? What happened?”
Eli seemed to have trouble getting started. Whatever Aiyana had done was obviously not something he wanted to expose.
“Eli?” she prompted.
Finally, he managed to explain what’d happened nearly thirty years ago. He did so as diplomatically and kindly as possible, but what he had to say still shocked Cora.
“Wow,” she said when he was finished.
“She was young, confused,” he added for the second or third time. “What she did is so unlike her. There must’ve been some extenuating circumstances that we’re not aware of.”
Cora’s mind raced as she tried to imagine how a situation like that could’ve developed and the damage it would cause. “My heart aches for her as much as it does Consuelo and her younger brothers. No wonder Aiyana doesn’t have much of a relationship with those two.”
“I’m guessing Consuelo has forgiven her. But I feel like those two brothers might be harboring some resentment, which is why I’ve hardly ever seen them.”
“So what did you mean, it’s time for the truth to come out? We can’t tell your mother who I am, Eli. If not for me, she’d be able to leave the past in the past, which is something she’s proven she’s desperate to do. I love her, too. I didn’t come here to bring her misery and unhappiness.”
“That’s just it,” he said. “Once you sit down and tell her who you are—”
“No! Aren’t you listening? I don’t want to serve as a constant reminder of—of all that.”
Eli scooted closer. “Hear me out. Why not tell her and leave it there? I mean, just because you both know doesn’t mean everyone else has to know.”
Her mind raced as she tried to comprehend what he was getting at. But she was still processing The Terrible Secret in which she played such an integral part. “You’re suggesting we tell her but not the extended family?”
“Or anyone else. Why would we have to? You’ll soon be her daughter-in-law as well as her daughter. If she loves you, spends a lot of time with you, calls you her little girl, no one will think twice about it, even Consuelo or my uncles. From what Cal told me, Consuelo never knew about the pregnancy. Aiyana went through those nine months, and the delivery, alone. She made the decision to put you up for adoption alone, too. Then she did her best to move on and build something out of her life—and she did that alone, too, until she could reconcile with her family, which didn’t happen until about five years after you were born.”
“She didn’t tell anyone?”
“Only Cal, and that well after she was back in touch with her family. He said she couldn’t talk about those years or the adoption without breaking down. She was too ashamed. And she didn’t want to hurt her mother and brothers any more than she already had by announcing the fact that she’d had a baby by her former stepfather.”
Cora nibbled at her lip as she pictured what having such a discussion with Aiyana might be like but eventually shook her head. “I can’t. I can’t tell her if she’ll only be sad that I found her. That’s not why I came here.”