Finding Our Forever(63)

“You’re making more of it than it really is,” she said. “We enjoy each other. But we know it’s only a short-term affair.”

Her mother stopped scrubbing the big roasting pan she’d used to cook the turkey. “You’re still planning on moving back at the end of the year?”

“Of course.”

“What about Aiyana?”

Cora did her best to act as though she had everything under control. “I’ve decided not to say anything—to just...let it go. That solves everything, right?”

“Does it?” she countered. “After everything you did to find her?”

Surprised that it was Lilly who was pressing the issue, Cora nibbled at her bottom lip. This almost sounded as if Lilly would encourage Cora to tell Aiyana the truth, even though doing so came with the obvious risk that Aiyana would accept Cora into her life and Lilly would no longer be Cora’s only mother. “She didn’t want me for a reason, or she wouldn’t have given me up. And she must not regret her decision because she hasn’t come searching for me.”

Lilly turned on the sprayer to rinse the suds from the pan. “You don’t know that she hasn’t tried. Do you?”

“She could’ve found me. I found her, didn’t I? And I had a lot less resources to work with.”

“Maybe she’s afraid you won’t be happy to see her—that she’ll disrupt your life. Or that she’ll be stepping on my toes.”

“I was facing similar questions and concerns, and I still fought to find her.”

“I know, but from what you’ve told me, she’s pretty focused on her work. Perhaps she will come looking for you someday when...when she’s not so busy.”

“I doubt it. Let’s face it, ‘busy’ is an excuse. If I weighed on her mind as heavily as she once weighed on mine, she would’ve acted by now. Instead, no one even seems to know that she ever had a child.” She stood on tiptoe to return a bowl she’d dried to the cupboard. “I guess, when you put all of that together, I have my answer. She still doesn’t want me. But...at least we’re friends. At least I know her. That fills in some of the blanks and helps to... I don’t know...anchor me in some way.” It especially helped that they thought well of each other. That was so huge, Cora couldn’t regret having gone to such great lengths to find Aiyana. Thanks to the sacrifices she’d made, she’d had the opportunity to meet her grandparents and her oldest uncle yesterday, all of whom had been so nice.

“But you haven’t been able to ask her about your father,” Lilly said. “Or learn why she put you up for adoption. Both of those questions were important to you.”

Those questions had helped fuel her curiosity, but she only had herself to blame for her current predicament. Although, in the beginning, her plan had seemed so clever, it had turned into a far-reaching lie that she was now hesitant to expose. “I’ve made such a mess of everything. I guess I deserve to remain in the dark. I should’ve been up front—with you, Dad and Aiyana—from the start. I was trying not to hurt anyone. I wanted to test the water first, but then I met Eli, and everything just...spiraled out of control.”

“Have you heard from Matt since he called us?”

“To tattle on me?” She grimaced. “Yes. But just a couple of nasty texts.”

“He sent you some nasty texts?”

“Only after I called him a jerk for telling you guys,” she admitted.

“What’d he say?”

“That I’m not the woman he thought I was. Blah, blah, blah. He also said I should’ve told you to begin with. He’s right about that one.”

“But if you’d handled this any differently, if you hadn’t applied for a job there, you would never have gotten to know Eli. Maybe you would never even have met him.”

“That’s what Matt regrets,” Cora grumbled. “He’s mad that I’ve found someone else.”

Lilly, who’d wrung out the rag and started washing down the counters, turned to face her. “I think you should tell Eli, Cora.”

“About Aiyana?” She shook her head. “No. I’ve considered that many times, but I’m fairly certain she’s never told him that she ever had a baby. I don’t have the right to reveal something that personal about her life, in case...in case it will somehow hurt her or what she’s established.” She retrieved the dish towel she’d been using before and started drying the wineglasses. “Besides, if I tell him, he’ll feel like he has to share that information with Aiyana, for my sake if not hers, and I’d rather he not get involved, not be making those decisions for me.” She heard a soft ding as she set another cup on its bell-shaped top. “So, no matter how I look at the situation, it comes down to the same thing.”