Disappointment bit deep. He stood there without reacting for several seconds, trying to overcome the letdown. Then he said, “Wait.”
She didn’t come back to him, but she turned, so he walked over and held out his hand. “Where’s your phone?”
When she pulled it from her pocket and handed it to him, he put in his number and gave it back to her. “In case the answer is yes. Maybe it won’t take as long as you think.”
* * *
Cora stared at Elijah’s number for at least an hour after he left. She switched between the contact information he’d put in her phone and the picture she’d taken of him out on that ride. She loved that picture so much. And yet...they’d never really spent any time together. It was ridiculous that she’d feel so compelled to call him.
She was just lonely, she told herself. She’d made a big change, was out of her element. She needed to forget about him and concentrate on what she’d come here to do, which was to teach and get to know Aiyana. She was part Nicaraguan. She had grandparents. She had uncles. These were the things she’d hoped to seek out. Her plans didn’t include Elijah.
But she couldn’t have anything serious with Elijah, anyway. Not without telling him that she was Aiyana’s biological daughter. And she wasn’t ready to do that. So he’d offered her the perfect solution: the chance to fulfill the desire he evoked without expectation.
After another ten minutes spent pacing around her small cottage, she decided to walk over to the pond. She thought sitting on the dock with the moon shining down on the water might help calm her mind. But even there, she was restless—too restless to remain on the jetty. Eventually, she made her way over to the horses’ pen where she hoped, with the animals, she wouldn’t feel quite so alone.
“There you are, big boy,” she crooned, petting the nose of Elijah’s giant horse when it ambled over to see her. “Looks like you’re not getting much sleep tonight, either.”
“You okay?”
Startled by the sound of Elijah’s voice, Cora turned to see a dark figure sitting on the fence of the llama pen not far away, in the shadow of the nearby barn.
She pressed a hand to her chest to compensate for the shock he’d given her. “How long have you been there?”
“Since before you came out.”
“You saw me, and you didn’t say anything?”
“I was considering it.”
“It took you a while to decide!”
“I wasn’t sure you wanted to be disturbed.”
Somehow it seemed like fate that they would run into each other again tonight. Or maybe she’d been subconsciously hoping for that, hoping for another opportunity, without actually having to call him. Although she’d never seen his house, she knew he lived on this part of the ranch, near the animals. She was hesitant to admit it, but, deep down, she was fairly certain that was why she’d come over here so often already. She’d been hoping to see him all along. “What are you doing out here?” she asked.
“Same thing you are, I suppose.”
“You can’t sleep.”
“I have something on my mind.”
“And that is...”
“You.”
Cora squinted across the distance between them, trying to make out his expression. He was lonely, too, she realized. As much as he tried to pretend otherwise, he had to be. He was so aloof, so careful to warn most everyone away. She was no psychologist, but after what he’d been through, that had to be a defense mechanism. And what he’d said about Aiyana seemed to prove it. By his own admission, Aiyana had only busted through his reserve because she wouldn’t take no for an answer.
Maybe that was what getting close to him required—the ability to love without expectation, without measuring or demanding anything in return. Cora could understand why that might be the case. He was tired of disappointing the women he dated, tired of feeling inadequate when they became disappointed. She’d sensed that in what he’d had to say earlier. There’d been a degree of fatalism, as if he’d given up.
His previous girlfriends had probably wanted to establish a regular relationship, one that escalated toward marriage. So they had an agenda, of sorts. Cora, on the other hand, had no agenda. She wasn’t looking for a long-term relationship, couldn’t have one with him, anyway, not without a very honest conversation she wasn’t willing to have.
So...what if she just gave him someone to be with while she was here, some meaningful intimacy that was warm and supportive without pushing him for anything more?
“Sounds like you could use a massage,” she said.