“What’s the deal with you today? I feel like I’m talking to myself.” The kid laughed but looked concerned. He was too perceptive for his own good sometimes.
“Relationship stuff. Sorry I’m distracted.” He shrugged and reorganized his workspace for the second time.
“I’ve never seen you this messed up about a girl. It’s probably good for your enormous ego.” Rook grinned, and Banner gave him a friendly shove.
“Yeah, things with her are done though. I’m hooking her up with Ambrose, and then I can move on and stop being a creepy stalker.” He chewed on the end of a paintbrush and thought of her trembling under his hands as he drew a brush over her smooth skin. Would memories like that ever fade, or would they plague him every second of every day?
“Getting her to date Ambrose is going to fix how you feel about her?”
“Shh. Of course it is.”
Rook shook his head sympathetically. “If you believe that, maybe you’re the one who should be seeing Dr. Clarke.”
Counseling? No, thanks. Time for a change of subject.
“How’s school?”
Rook’s expression went from concerned to shuttered. “It’s school. I’m sure college will be better. The one I’m hoping to get into seems a lot more open-minded.”
“Kids can be idiots.” Banner grimaced. “If you ever need to talk, you know how to get ahold of me. Don’t be shy, even if it’s in the middle of my office hours or the middle of the night.”
Banner could feel Rook weighing his next words. What did the kid have going on that was a secret? Usually, he told him everything.
“Dr. Clarke wants to put me on a mood stabilizer.”
He sighed. Why medicate a kid because society didn’t get him? Rook didn’t have a mood disorder, he just had to stop dealing with asshats.
“Well, that’ll be up to you and Mom. Do you feel like you need one?”
“I don’t know. It won’t make me straight, and it won’t make the other kids leave me alone.” He shrugged. “So I get fog and side effects, and they get to keep being idiots.”
“Exactly.”
“I’m not switching schools again. It didn’t work last time. There’ll be homophobes in my face for the rest of my life. I just have to learn how to deal with them.”
Banner looked at the boy, so small for his age and so sensitive to the people around him. Sure he had money now, but money didn’t fix the most important things in life. Was there anything else he could do for him that he wasn’t doing?
“Stop looking at me like that. Moving me into your place and having me homeschooled won’t fix anything. I don’t belong in a bubble. Are you going to hire me to work for you from home when I grow up, so that I’ll never have to deal with people?” He turned away and drew some bold charcoal lines on his canvas.
He watched his baby brother as the landscape blossomed from his hand onto the canvas. Only blacks and grays. It was funny how the situations around his mother and his brother made him feel helpless and angry for completely different reasons.
Rook laughed humorlessly. “Eventually, I’ll have to leave the house for something, and I’ll have to deal with the same crap. There’s no hiding from it. If I was taller I could get some respect, but being small, femme, and gay? I’m a walking stereotype. Although I do fight the stereotype that gay men always dress well.”
“You’re killing me. Why won’t you take self-defense classes? I could hire you a bodyguard for certain parts of the day, if you think it’d help.” He grabbed Rook in a one-armed hug when his charcoal left the paper and rested his chin on the kid’s head.
“It’s only comments now, Banner. People don’t get attacked so much around here. It’s just the way they stop talking when you walk into a room and the words you hear whispered behind your back. A bodyguard can’t stop gossip. Self-defense doesn’t work against words.”
“But you have Dylan. And me.”
“Yes, and Ambrose and Konstanin. Meadow isn’t ready for me to come out to her, I don’t think, but her heart is in the right place. Eventually, I’ll tell her. And Mom, well, I don’t know if she can handle more right now. Her life needs to be easy and happy.”
Banner sighed and let him go when he started to pull away.
“I just want you to remember that I’m in your corner, no matter what. If you need to talk or if you need help, you call me.”
Around them, birds sang. A weird, cheerful mask dropped into place on Rook’s expressive face.
“I can’t lean on you forever. Don’t worry about me. I’m the master of my own fate.”
Rook turned back to his work. The sun was warm in the clearing, but something about the boy’s demeanor chilled Banner to the bone.
Chapter 13
Sub drop sucked. Even after Banner’s reassurance that it was normal and that Kate wasn’t broken, it still took a few days for the heavy cloud to lift.
Today, she was starting to feel more like herself. As she perused her closet for something to wear, she felt a sense of optimism for the first time in a while.
Banner had set up a date with his friend, Ambrose. Well, it was more of a group thing because she’d insisted Banner come. Even regular blind dates were awkward, and she didn’t want to go by herself. Banner was kind enough to agree, even though he seemed hesitant about it. It must be awkward for him, too, but if they were going to stay friends, he’d have to deal with it. The idea of “just friends” dampened her mood a bit, but she’d been telling herself over and over for days that it was best for both of them.
Every year, the town set up a harvest fair just before Thanksgiving. Last year, winter had come early, so everyone bundled up and sipped hot cider as they wandered through the outdoor tents filled with homemade goods. Thankfully, today the sun was shining, and it was unseasonably warm.
As she shoved hangers of clothes aside, growing frustrated with her limited options, she realized just how much of a girl she was being. Was looking perfect that important? What were the chances things would work differently with Ambrose than the other guys Banner had introduced her to? They were nice but there was no spark, no sign of chemistry whatsoever. In fact, the whole time she’d talked to them, all she could think about was Banner.
She sighed in resignation. Maybe it was silly and girly, but it mattered to her what she looked like. Warm for November still equaled needing a sweater. She pulled out a green one that matched her eyes, then threw on a pair of jeans and zippered tall brown boots over them. After a glance in the mirror, she starting pulling her hair back into a ponytail then stopped. Wearing her hair back was instinctual, but Banner liked it better down. Even when meeting his friend, she still felt the urge to please him.
“Ugh. What is wrong with me?”
Her reflection didn’t have an answer.
After saying a quick good-bye to Pixie, she grabbed her purse and headed out the door.
Dom search, take four hundred and one.
The fairgrounds at the center square bustled with shoppers, families, and couples out for a stroll. The smell of cider donuts hit her as soon as she stepped out of her car. Her stomach rumbled. Maybe skipping breakfast had been a bad idea, but her belly had been fluttering with nerves all morning.
Banner was easy to find across the plaza. She waved, and he spotted her, smiling in a way that made her heart skip beats.
No, no, no. She wasn’t supposed to be checking him out. She was supposed to be checking out his friend!
She slid her gaze to the man walking next to Banner. How she hadn’t seen him first was a mystery. He was at least two inches taller than Banner and about twice as thick. His short buzz cut and tattooed arms made him look either military or criminal. Swallowing hard, she hoped for the former.
As they came closer, she looked at the friend’s eyes, searching for clues about what kind of person he was. He met her gaze, steady at first, then his eyes crinkled a bit at the corners. The bright blue was a sharp contrast to the hardened look of the rest of him.
“Hey,” Banner said.
Instinctually, she went to hug him. When he hugged her back then kissed her cheek, she realized it might have been a mistake. Should she be showing him affection, even as a friend, in front of a potential date? God, she sucked at this.
Feeling insecure, she turned to Ambrose and smiled shyly. “Hi. I’m Kate.”
He held out his hand, which she shook. “Ambrose. I’ve heard a lot about you.”
The sexy smile that went with his statement made her blush. Just how close were the two of them, and how much detail had Banner told him? Great. Now she felt awkward and vulnerable. This was going well.
“How are you?” Banner asked.
“Hungry.”
“Aha!” Ambrose’s expression brightened. “A girl who likes to eat? That’s my kind of woman.”
“Does that mean you don’t like stick figures? ’Cause I don’t plan to starve myself for a man.”
“Body size doesn’t matter. I just like women. But when they enjoy a good meal with me, all the better.” He leaned in and whispered, “Don’t tell anybody, but I’m a bit of a food snob.”
She grinned, charmed by him already.
“It’s true.” Banner rolled his eyes. “He’s all about the fancy shit. Snails and lobster and everything.”