Okay. Then he pictured being at a party and watching her submit to someone else. His stomach soured. Pushing the thought aside, he stood and started tidying the piles of paper on his desk, not sure if he was screwing up the order he’d purposely left them in. Not caring. He had to do something. Maybe Belle was right and he needed to go home.
As he walked past the admin’s desk, he asked Tanja to hold down the fort. She’d been with them long enough to manage fifteen minutes on her own. Maybe they’d actually keep this one. In the elevator he texted Belle.
Don’t bother getting lunch for me. I’m going home.
Her response came back right away. Eat food. Don’t turn into crazy stalker guy.
Yes, Ma’am.
Although he’d meant to go home, his car ended up at his mother’s house instead. With Ambrose and Konstantin both out of town, and Kate avoiding him, he felt as if he were adrift with nothing to anchor him to sanity. Expecting Rook to entertain him for a few hours, he was stunned when Meadow told him he’d gone to hang out with Dylan. His mom was asleep, and Meadow was busy organizing the storage room and didn’t want his help.
He toyed with the idea of going back to work, but he’d just distract people who were being productive.
For a while he drove, then wandered around a park on the outskirts of town, trying not to think of anything but the way the tree line met the sky, the quiet elegance of leaves, the cacophony of the city poking up in the distance.
At home, he went to his loft and laid aside the canvas he’d been working on. He pulled out a fresh one. Too many ugly feelings needed to get out, and he didn’t know what to do with them all. He meant to paint his loneliness and rejection, the feeling that no one would ever want to know him as he knew himself.
Stroke by stroke, he painted her face instead. Lovely, even though he knew she didn’t want him. Her eyes stared, as deep and luminous as they were when she was his.
***
“Remember to keep your eyes down unless someone asks you to look at them.”
“Yes, Sir.” All in white. The sacrificial lamb. The dress he’d chosen for her was slightly shorter than he’d anticipated. It definitely drew the eye to her sinful legs, which tore him up inside, but it would have to do. He wasn’t supposed to be keeping her covered up for himself. How many times did he have to keep telling himself that? No bra, no underwear, minimal makeup. He wanted them to know what they were getting with her. His hands were clumsy as he slipped the white leather collar around her neck, fumbling as he buckled it.
Mine, at least for tonight.
“I wish you’d let me wear shoes. I feel weird like this when everyone else will be fully dressed.”
“Sir,” he grumbled.
She looked at him in confusion.
“You have to call me Sir while people are here. It’ll add to your appeal if you remember to use some protocol.” He fussed with her hair for a minute, and she rolled her eyes impatiently.
“Well, we’re not out there yet. Even though you’re a Master, I don’t have to call you Master in public, do I?”
The word. She was hell bent on killing him with her pretty mouth.
“No.” It had come out rougher than he’d meant it to, but he couldn’t have her calling him that. Kicking all of the other Doms out of the house almost as soon as they sat down would be rude.
He uncoiled the chain on the side table and clipped the leash onto her collar. Behind her, the bed mocked him. Bringing her into the dungeon to get ready had probably been a horrible plan, but he’d thought it would get her into the right headspace. Instead, it had gotten him into the wrong one.
Showing her off. Giving her away. That was the point of the evening, not using her and reminding her who she belonged to, because that would be immoral, and he was trying to be an honorable man. Even so, once the leash was on she stayed far too close, too intimately near, for someone who supposedly had no attraction to him. If she wanted to put some space between them, there was plenty of slack in the leash.
She watched his face, her eyes attentive and soft, ready for Banner to lead her anywhere. The leash handle was wrapped around his hand, but which one of them was truly the captive?
“Everyone is here but Ambrose and Konstantin, but we knew they couldn’t make it,” he said, trying to build a wall with his words. “I wish Ambrose was here. He was my first choice for you.” If it couldn’t be me.
Kate stepped closer, the tips of her breasts brushing his ribs. “We’ll see. Maybe you could introduce me to him if none of these guys are right.” She blinked up at him, trusting.
Why couldn’t it be him instead of someone else?
She didn’t want him, that’s why. The intensity he needed in a D/s relationship didn’t appeal to her when she was calm and rational. Changing her mind in subspace didn’t count. But if she didn’t want him, why was she looking at him as though she wanted him to kiss her?
It was her instinctual reaction to him. Even if her hormones approved of him, her logic was telling her to steer clear.
With regret, he backed up a step and turned away. “We should get up there. They’re waiting for you.”
“Wait!”
He turned back, and she threw her arms around his neck, then dragged his mouth down to hers. Her kiss was long and sweet, and although he meant to be nonresponsive, he couldn’t help but kiss her back. His chest ached when he gently pushed her away.
“I–I just wanted to say good-bye, and thanks for everything.”
There was nothing left to say. He turned and walked from her, only remembering they were attached when the handle of the leash tugged his hand.
He led her down the hall into a roomful of men in suits. They’d been standing around, talking and sipping at drinks, but they fell silent when Banner and Kate entered the room. The air seemed to buzz with their keen interest, and for a moment Banner struggled with the urge to drag her back to the dungeon.
Why do this to himself? Why not just leave her to her own devices to look for a Dom?
He cared too much who she ended up with. If the guy didn’t deserve her, it would make him crazy. He needed more control over her than that, even if it was all he was going to get.
Banner made introductions. Will, Everard, Josh, Nick, and Jakob all looked her over with interest. Matt and Oksana had bowed out at the last minute, but Kate hadn’t been sure about exploring relationships with other women anyway. Maybe that had been curiosity on his part.
He signaled for Kate to kneel on the coffee table, which was the twin to the one in his dungeon. She did, looking as though she’d rather run away again. The men all sat on the couches around her, and she stared fixedly at his pant leg.
He could have used a beer. And Ambrose around to make fun of him.
“So, gentlemen, as I said earlier, Kate here is interested in finding the right Dom for her. She had a bad experience with a friend trying to set her up last time, so I thought I should introduce her to some men that were worth her time.”
Something touched his leg. Kate had slid her hand sideways across the coffee table and her fingers had sought him out. For support? He touched the top of her head, and she leaned into him.
“I e-mailed all of you a list of what I think she needs and what she’s into.” He stroked her hair and drew a steadying breath.
“The two of you seem pretty connected,” Everard said. “Are you sure you’re ready to give her away?”
It was like a punch in the gut, but he had to do this now before he lost his nerve.
“Our relationship is just a training one. She wanted to learn more about submission, so I taught her what I could. She’s not bonded to me or anything. She’s just nervous right now.” He patted her head and deliberately moved his hand away from her.
“Kate, what are you looking for in a Dom?” Will smiled pleasantly at her, but she remembered not to look up.
“You can look at me,” he added when she opened her mouth to answer to the coffee table.
“Someone kind, who I’m compatible with. In my daily life I’m not a submissive woman, so being twenty-four-seven isn’t going to work.” Why did she suddenly sound so sad? “I like it in the bedroom, but not as a constant way of life.”
Nick smiled. “I’m sure if you were twenty-four-seven material, Banner wouldn’t have invited us over.”
“How does she respond to pain and discipline?” Josh’s gaze was too intense for Banner’s comfort. He wasn’t known for being rough with his subs, but Banner didn’t like him for her now.
“Kate responds well to small amounts.” He’d have to be careful here. Some Doms hated dealing with challenging subs. “She’s a very good girl if given the right incentive, but she can get a little bratty. It’s part of her personality, though, so I don’t think that should be crushed. However, that would be between her and her Dom.”
They were all nodding, but the gleam in Josh’s eye worried him. Kate didn’t need a hard-core sadist Dom. That wouldn’t be a good match, unless she was more into pain than he thought.
A discussion about discipline ensued, and he felt the tension gradually ease out of Kate’s body.
Later, the caterer signaled that dinner was ready, then left the premises. When they arrived in the dining room, Banner put a cushion beside each chair.