“Stop, Kate. I know you want to run away again, but you’re in no condition to drive home. Why don’t you just stay here tonight?”
After he settled her back on the bed, she gave him a wary look. She was panicking. Ordering her around now would just freak her out more.
“Please?” He wasn’t accustomed to begging, but he let some vulnerability show. She seemed to be especially sensitive after sex, so there was no need to be heavy-handed. Plus, he felt it deep down too— He was vulnerable when it came to her. “Please stay, Kate.”
She watched him for a moment, studying his face. Then, with a sigh, her body relaxed. “Okay.”
Tension drifted away and a warm feeling settled in. Although he wished it were just the afterglow from sex, when Kate nestled into the curve of his body, lying to himself became impossible. It wasn’t about sex or dominance or submission. It was about Kate.
Chapter 9
“Kate?”
A hand waved in front of her face.
“Huh?”
“Wake up,” Bethany said. The girl brushed her sandy hair out of her eyes and grimaced. Kate was glad it was her best work friend rather than one of the fake-sweet girls who stabbed you in the back in the lunchroom. She didn’t need to give the gossips any fodder. “You zoned out again. What’s wrong with you today? You’ve been a zombie.”
She looked down at the stack of files on the desk in the file room trying to remember what she was doing with them. “Have I?” Yeah, she’d been a little out of it that day. But it was Monday. Wasn’t everyone a zombie on Monday?
“Have you been sleeping okay?”
“I’m fine.” Even she could hear the lie in her voice. Crap. She had to get herself under control before this affected her job, her life. Her relationship with Banner was supposed to be superficial. A quick, fun tutorial on submission, then bam, over. But it wasn’t turning out that way. Banner was insinuating his way into her heart. And they were both going to get hurt.
She knew that in her head, but her body was having trouble listening. Her greedy libido wanted him in a bad way, as evidenced by its obedience to his stern commands. How would she ever be able to control herself when just the sound of his voice made her panties wet?
“You’re staring at nothing, Kate. At least open the file if you’re going to pretend.” Bethany chuckled.
Scowling, she looked at her friend. “Shut up.”
Bethany laughed harder. “Hey, I’m just trying to look out for you. It’s clear something is going on with you. I think I know what.” A knowing smile touched her lips, making Kate frown.
“And what’s that?”
After looking from side to side, she leaned in close and said, “You’re in love.”
Kate recoiled. Love? Her and Banner? No fucking way. She was in lust, through no fault of her own. Who wouldn’t be in lust with a tattooed sex god in a suit? He was like a present—pretty on the outside but when you unwrapped him, it only got better.
“I’m not in love,” she snapped, making her sound guilty. With a sigh, she picked up the files she’d been staring at and turned from the table. “It’s complicated. Don’t ask questions.”
Bethany looked positively impish. “‘It’s complicated’ is another way of saying you’re in love.”
Kate shook her head emphatically. “There are shades of relationships. It’s not just love or not love. There’s a lot of in between.”
“Uh-huh.” She looked Kate over. “So, who’s the guy?”
Her face flushed. A sexy, wealthy man who’d been tying her up in his dungeon and fucking her senseless with no strings attached. “You don’t want to know. Trust me.”
Bethany pouted. “Fine. Be all mysterious and cryptic, then. It’ll only make people curious.”
Had other coworkers noticed? She peered around her, but nothing seemed different. She shot Bethany a dirty look. “Quit messing with me.”
She giggled. “I’ll find out, eventually.” Walking backward, she said in a creepy voice, “I’m watching you.”
Kate rolled her eyes. “Bitch.”
Laughing, her friend disappeared around the corner. Kate took her files and walked to her office. Two days after sex with Banner and she was still sore. God, that man fucked hard. She felt a tingle down there just thinking about it.
At her desk, she lowered herself into her chair, glad it was cushiony. The belt marks had faded the next day, along with the pain, but her pussy hadn’t quite recovered yet. Maybe that was something her body would get accustomed to.
She gave her head a shake. What was wrong with her? She had no right to think about getting accustomed to Banner Jennings. Why couldn’t she just pull back and stay objective? Why did her body seem to become a slave to his commands whenever she was with him?
She froze. Slave?
Shit. She was in too deep. First, she’d called him Master. Now she’d very nearly called herself a slave. And she was nobody’s fucking slave.
She rubbed her temples, wishing she could fake an illness and leave early. It was too hard to focus today. Maybe she should go to Banner’s that night and end things.
No. Bad idea. Being in the same space with him would only end in her naked, tied to something, orgasming over and over. Plus, he’d told her that if she set foot in his house, she was his. And there would be sex.
His.
The thought sent a shiver through her body. She forced it away. Belonging to somebody, in the way he wanted, was just . . . wrong. For her.
Maybe she should end things by text.
Ugh. No. That was lame. And he deserved better than that.
Growling, she grabbed hold of her hair and pulled it to ease her tension. God, this was hard. And waffling back and forth like this so wasn’t her. She was a decisive person who always knew what she wanted. But Banner had somehow changed that. He’d turned her inside out and upside down and every which way that made her practically dysfunctional. As evidenced by more staring.
A knock sounded at her door.
“Come in.”
The door opened, and Sean walked in.
She smiled. “Hey there!”
His shoulders drooped as he took a seat on the couch. With a heavy sigh, he looked at her.
She snapped into work mode. Angsting later, professional now. “Well, you don’t look happy to be leaving tomorrow.” She opened the top folder and took out the few sheets of paper he needed to sign. “What’s wrong? Still nervous?”
He frowned. “I’ve just been wondering . . . What’s the point?”
“Of what?”
“Everything. I have no wife and kids. My parents and sister won’t talk to me. I have one brother who says he wants to help, but he’s so busy with his job, I only get a few minutes to talk to him every couple weeks.” He shrugged. “What’s the point of living if you have nothing and no one to live for?”
She’d considered the very same thing, especially as each birthday passed without anyone significant to share it with. It wasn’t quite as bad as Sean—she had friends and her aunt and uncle, at least—but still, those sentiments snuck in once in a while. What was the point?
“There’s more to being happy than having people—”
He shook his head. “I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but there’s not for me. I’m not one of those people that can live for myself. I wouldn’t be happy taking vacations all alone, no matter how great they are. I need people around me to keep going, but right now, I have no one.”
“Then use that. You don’t want to die alone, so live the next part of your life finding people to connect with. Prove to your family that you’ve changed. Fix those broken bridges.”
He looked doubtful that would work.
“It can happen. I’ve seen it happen. Remember what we talked about in group. Set small goals for yourself and only engage in positive self-talk. It’s easy to leave here and fall into old habits, but if you don’t let the negativity get to you, then you’ll be fine.”
Reluctantly, he nodded. His eyes brightened a bit before he spoke. “I really don’t want to end up back here. No offense.”
“None taken. And if you don’t want to come back here bad enough, then you won’t. You have a determined spirit. You’re not done fighting. I can tell.”
The confidence in her voice seemed to lift his mood, and he smiled. “I’m glad at least one person believes in me.”
“We all do. The other staff too.”
“It’s a good place here. I don’t want to come back, but you do good work.”
She almost laughed. His first week there he’d ranted at every worker about what a shithole the place was. And now he was singing praises. What a difference sobriety made.
“Here.” She pushed a few papers across the desk. “Now, for the signing of the papers,” she said majestically. “Your final step. It’s a test of patience.” With a wink, she handed him a pen.
Her faith in him wasn’t false. She really did believe he could make it. It was her job to believe in all her clients, but some were more ready than others to take that final step to stay clean. Sean was more than ready.
After he signed the papers, she told him she’d see him off the next day. The center had a tradition when a client was released. They all stood at the door with balloons and each one of them shook the client’s hand and wished them well.