The day was burned in his brain and likely would be forever. He’d found the cabin without any trouble and had even seen his brother and another man standing outside in the driveway when he’d pulled in. Roman had been so busy mentally preparing himself for what he would say that he hadn’t actually taken in Gray’s appearance until he was within a few feet of him and when it had finally registered what he was seeing, he’d nearly fallen over.
Cancer.
The one word had played on a seemingly endless loop in his mind as he’d reached out to shake Gray’s hand and then the hand of the man he was with. Even though Gray had been wearing a small, knit cap, Roman could still tell that all his hair was gone. If that had been the only change, Roman might have passed it off as a strange style choice but Gray’s eyebrows were gone too and he’d lost so much weight that he actually looked smaller than Roman even though they’d been the same size since Roman had been in his twenties. His skin was frighteningly pale and his eyes had looked sunken in their sockets.
Roman had managed to keep his shock in check even once he and Gray were settled in the cabin but when Gray had asked why he was there, Roman had actually felt the lie catch in his throat before he’d spoken. He’d finally managed to tell him that Gray’s mother had asked him to check on Gray and he’d been relieved when his brother had accepted the story. He’d kept the visit short but there’d been that final moment when Gray had indirectly invited him to stop by for another visit that Roman had felt his throat close up with emotion and he’d wanted to reach out and touch Gray just to see if the moment was real. How many times as a little boy had he wished for that moment – the one where Gray wanted him around? Where Gray might actually like him? The simple answer was never and that had been what had kept Roman away these past few months with the exception of his one visit to the hospital to check on Gray after he’d been assaulted by a man hunting his lover, Luke.
But his silence hadn’t kept Gray from reaching out and every time he did, Roman felt himself wanting to answer the phone when he saw Gray’s name flash across the screen or answer his texts with something other than declining his invitation to visit or talk. But he hadn’t done either. He’d deleted the voicemails without listening to them and he’d only read the short texts asking him if he had time for a visit or a chat. He didn’t watch or read any of the interviews Gray had done to talk about being a cancer survivor, either.
So then why the hell was he having so much trouble deciding which direction to point his rental car in? He could be the bigger man and accept the olive branch Gray was offering. After all, he wasn’t the same little boy desperate for someone to tell him things were going to be okay. He didn’t need someone to hold his hand while he watched his mother’s casket being lowered into the ground or soothe away his fears when he’d walked through the front door of the massive house that would be his new home. So what if Gray was feeling regretful now? Cancer didn’t give him a free pass for the disdain he’d shown Roman time and time again. Nor did the fact that Gray had only been seventeen when he’d been introduced to the half-brother he hadn’t known existed.
Roman could feel his agitation getting the better of him so he sucked in several deep breaths and focused on the task at hand. He was here for a business opportunity, pure and simple. Whether he pursued it or not had nothing to do with Gray…it was about making money. And even more importantly, it was about making a name for himself which he’d already done a dozen times over. The Hawthorne family had liked pretending he didn’t exist but since he’d managed to secure his own position in their social hemisphere, they wouldn’t likely be able to forget him any time soon.
He’d already made more money than all of them combined and he would never tire of the look of pure hatred that would pass over his stepmother’s features when one of her snooty friends would introduce him as their charitable organization’s newest benefactor. But the best part would be that moment when Victoria Hawthorne stood with bated breath as she waited to see if this would be the one time he would reveal their connection to one another; that he was, in fact, more of a Hawthorne than she would ever be. And then there’d be those few seconds when he played dumb and merely shook her icy hand and murmured a polite greeting that Victoria’s apprehension would show because she knew she was at his mercy this time around.
Until the day he’d take it all the way and reveal all of the Hawthorne family secrets.
So fixing what had been broken between himself and Gray so long ago served no purpose. He’d needed a brother when he was ten. At thirty-two he didn’t need anyone. Not one goddamn soul.