He hadn’t really understood that what he was feeling was attraction because he’d never felt it before – not for any other boy or girl. He’d spent the next two years trying to ignore how his body always drew tight with need whenever Finn was around. And he’d been successful until the day he’d broken down and asked Finn if he wanted to come to his graduation party. He’d expected Finn to refuse since they didn’t run in the same circles and none of the guys Finn typically hung out with would be there but, to his surprise, Finn accepted. And then everything had gone to hell.
Hunter forced himself to walk forward. Finn smiled slightly and then said, “Thanks for agreeing to meet with me.” Finn motioned to the seat across from him and when Hunter sat, he stuck his hands in his lap so Finn wouldn’t see how badly they were shaking.
“How are you?” Finn asked.
Since speech was still eluding him, Hunter nodded.
“I’m sorry for what happened on the sidewalk-”
Hunter wanted to slam his head down on the table. No way he could go through this a third time. “Please,” he whispered. “Please don’t.”
Luckily Finn seemed to know what he was asking because he didn’t finish the sentence. “Gray says you’re in the engineering program at the university,” Finn said.
“Um, yeah, I just switched my major a few weeks ago.”
“That’s cool. You were always so smart in school…I knew you’d go really far.”
Pain lanced through Hunter at the kind words. “I’m so sorry, Finn,” he suddenly blurted. Finn looked at him warily – he’d clearly been expecting to ease into this particular topic but between Rhys’ apology and Finn’s lack of accusation, Hunter was on the edge. Lifting his hand to his mouth for a moment, Hunter tried to get control of himself.
“That night when I saw you arrive, I was so excited. And when I showed you to the pool house so you could change, I just…I just couldn’t stop thinking about what it would be like to touch you. And then you opened the door and you looked at me like you knew what I was thinking-”
“I did,” Finn interjected. “It was exactly why I said yes when you invited me.”
Hunter closed his eyes. He’d never been a hundred percent sure if he’d somehow taken Finn’s choice away when he’d pushed Finn back into the pool house and kissed him. At some point Finn had kissed him back and had even started jacking him off but Hunter hadn’t known if he’d just gotten caught up in the moment or if he had wanted Hunter as badly as Hunter had wanted him. And then it hadn’t mattered because his father had walked in and flipped on the lights and seen his son flat on his back with Finn’s hand jammed down his shorts.
“I’ve spent the last eighteen months trying to figure out what to say to you if I ever got this chance but nothing makes sense to me anymore. I was a coward, pure and simple. I couldn’t face what would happen so I put it all on you.”
Finn was quiet for so long that Hunter actually started to rise.
“Don’t,” Finn said gently. “Please don’t go.”
Hunter dropped back down in the chair and folded his hands together on the table. He didn’t realize he was rocking back and forth until Finn’s hands closed over his and effectively stopped his forward motion. “Callan says you came to the hospital that night. He said you had bruises on your face.”
He’d had them everywhere but he didn’t say that. “I deserved them,” he responded. “Maybe not for the reason they were inflicted but I deserved them anyway.”
“Your dad?” Finn asked.
Hunter nodded. “I didn’t know your father was like mine. I swear, Finn. I wouldn’t have done it if I’d known. I know that doesn’t make it right but I thought he knew about you…I thought he accepted you because you guys were so close.”
“We were close,” Finn said. “He was my hero. After my mom left, he was all I had. I never told him I was gay because it didn’t even occur to me that he would care either way.”
“God, Finn, I’m sorry…”
“Hunter, it would have happened at some point. Maybe when I brought home a guy I wanted him to meet or when he caught me looking at a guy a certain way,” Finn explained. He laughed and said, “With the way I was always latched on to Callan, I’m amazed my dad hadn’t already figured it out.”
Hunter couldn’t help but smile briefly. But he sobered quickly and said, “It doesn’t make it right.”
“No,” Finn admitted. “It doesn’t. But after seeing firsthand what some of the people in this town are capable of and remembering how your dad looked at me when he called me a few choice names, I suspected what drove you to it. How long has it been happening?”