Finding Forgiveness(61)

It had been a challenge even getting Roman to agree to stay in California for the burial and Hunter could only figure Roman was doing it for Gray because his naked hatred for his father hadn’t eased even a little after Gray had confirmed the man was gone. After leaving the hospital, Roman had driven them back to Big Sur but he didn’t speak at all and shot down any and all of Hunter’s attempts to draw him out. The lack of emotion had frightened Hunter but when they’d gone to bed that night, Roman had made love to him and hadn’t held any part of himself back. It had been the same in the days that followed but there’d been no further discussion of his encounter with his father and he hadn’t participated in any of the funeral arrangements.

Hunter followed Luke and Gray up the stairs. If the Hawthorne mansion hadn’t been so cold and empty, Hunter would have thought it beautiful with all its fine furnishings and expensive artwork and decorations. But all he saw as he moved throughout the home that was clearly meant to be a showpiece was a young Roman trying to figure out where he fit in the strange dynamic that was his new family. How many cruel words had Victoria spat at him in this place? How many times had his father walked past him on these very same stairs and said nothing to the son he supposedly loved?

Gray led him down several hallways to a small room where the door was slightly ajar. Gray pushed open the door, looked inside the room and then stepped back and motioned to Hunter. Hunter nodded his thanks and stepped into the room. A glance behind him showed Gray had entered too but was hanging back and Luke was standing just outside the door.

He found Roman standing in front of the single window that overlooked a wooded area behind the house. He looked beautiful in his crisp black suit as he stood with his hands tucked into his pockets. Hunter glanced around the room and couldn’t help but think it looked surprisingly small compared to some of the other bedrooms he’d seen in the place. There was just a single twin sized bed in the middle of the room along with a dresser on the far wall. On top of the dresser were several vases and glass bowls. Boxes were stacked up next to the dresser and the top one was open and Hunter could see more decorative knickknacks resting in it.

Hunter went to Roman’s side and put his hand on his arm.

“You okay?” he asked gently, though he knew the answer.

“It’s small, huh,” Roman asked as he glanced at the room. “It seemed so big to me that first night.”

Hunter had figured as much that the room had been the one Roman had grown up in.

“It used to be the nanny’s quarters I guess,” Roman mused as he looked around the room. “How old were you when they let her go?” Roman asked Gray who still stood near the door.

“Fourteen.”

Roman nodded knowingly and Hunter could see the unspoken thought. Roman hadn’t even been afforded a nanny to care for him.

Roman moved away from the window and went to the dresser to examine the largest of the three vases. “I’m sorry, Gray, I couldn’t do it.”

“Do what?” Gray asked softly.

“Keep my mouth shut. Let him say his piece and get out of there.”

“You had every right to tell him how you felt,” Gray responded.

Roman picked up the heavy vase and cradled it in his hand as if testing the weight. “He said she was everything to him,” Roman whispered. Hunter went to stand by his side but just as he was reaching up to settle his hand on Roman’s back, Roman flung the vase across the room. It went right through the window and before the glass even hit the floor, Roman snatched up another vase and hurled it at the wall next to the window.

“She was everything to him but he wasn’t there watching her die a little every day! He wasn’t the one who begged her to get out of bed, who cooked for her so she wouldn’t waste away, told her stories about all the places she wanted to see!”

One by one, Roman smashed all the bowls and vases sitting on top of the dresser. Hunter didn’t try to stop him, didn’t touch him at all. He just wiped at his own tears as he watched Roman break apart, piece by agonizingly slow piece.

“Did he tell you?” Roman suddenly asked as he turned to face Hunter. “Did Gray tell you how she died?”

“No baby, he didn’t,” Hunter said gently.

Hunter could hear commotion behind him and he was able to pick out Victoria’s shrill voice screaming at someone to call the police. Luke’s low voice followed and if Hunter hadn’t been so focused on Roman, he would have smiled when he heard Luke tell Victoria to shut her fucking mouth or he’d do it for her.

“She took her own life because she didn’t want to live without him,” Roman said bitterly. “I wasn’t enough for her…she needed him,” he spat. “I told her I’d never leave her, that I’d take care of her forever…that I’d take her to all the places he promised to take her someday but she just looked at me with this sad smile.”