Roman didn’t respond to Hunter so he was surprised a couple of minutes later when Hunter whispered, “Is it always like that?”
A small huff left Roman’s throat. “No,” he said. “It’s never fucking like that.”
He felt Hunter shift slightly so he turned his head and saw Hunter was looking at him. Since he hadn’t yet turned off the light on the nightstand, Roman could see the confusion on Hunter’s face. “It’s never been like that for me,” he said firmly and he saw a flush of color settle over Hunter’s face as he realized what Roman was saying. Roman couldn’t stop from reaching across the bed and running his fingers through Hunter’s hair. Hunter closed his eyes at the contact but instead of turning away again like Roman expected him to, Hunter rolled towards him and settled against his side, his head cushioned by Roman’s arm. Roman’s whole body relaxed as if it had been waiting for that exact moment.
“How old were you when you knew?” Hunter asked as his fingers stroked over Roman’s skin.
Roman ignored his twitching dick and said, “Twelve.”
“Were you scared?”
“No, just confused because I liked girls too.”
That got Hunter’s attention and he levered up on one elbow so he could look Roman in the face. “You’re bi?”
“I never really put a label on it but I guess you could say that. I dated one woman exclusively in college for a few months and I’ve been with a handful of others but I find myself more strongly attracted to men for the most part.”
“So you could be normal if you wanted to,” Hunter said, the shock clear in his voice.
Roman knew Hunter hadn’t meant any offense by the statement so he said, “I’m not a big believer in the argument that someone’s sexuality is a choice.”
Hunter was silent for a moment and then sat up. Roman pushed himself upright enough so he could lean back against the headboard. The confusion on Hunter’s face was heartbreaking.
“Hunter,” Roman said softly as he leaned forward to put his hand on Hunter’s uninjured cheek. “I know people have probably been telling you your whole life that two men being together is wrong, that it’s a sin and it goes against nature…I suspect a lot of people have been telling you a lot about how you should live your life, haven’t they?”
Hunter dropped his eyes but didn’t respond otherwise.
“I don’t want to be one of those people, Hunter. I don’t want to tell you how you should or shouldn’t feel.”
That seemed to get Hunter’s attention because he lifted his eyes.
“When we came into the cabin, did you see my brother and Luke?”
Hunter had been behind Roman when they’d entered the cabin through the back door so he hadn’t been sure if Hunter had seen the way Gray and Luke were holding onto each other as they spoke softly in the kitchen.
“What did you see?”
“They were touching, talking,” Hunter said softly.
“Did you see anything else?”
“They…they reminded me of Gran and Pops. They used to do that – get so lost in each other that it was like nothing else existed.”
“So you didn’t see two men doing something wrong?”
Hunter shook his head. “I saw two people in love,” he said quietly as he slowly lowered himself back down to the bed. Roman was pleased when Hunter rested his head on Roman’s stomach and Roman used the opportunity to brush his fingers over Hunter’s soft hair.
“I wish I could take this from you, Hunter,” Roman whispered.
Hunter turned over so that he was facing Roman. His eyes were heavy with a mix of pain and confusion as they settled on his left arm which was completely covered save for the little bit of white bandaging peeking beneath the cuff. “It was an accident…the first time it happened.” His eyes lifted to meet Roman’s. “I got really sick the week of my mid-terms during my freshman year. I ended up getting a C on one of them and my dad lost it. He accused me of getting the bad grade on purpose. I told him I’d be able to get my grade back up before the semester ended but I don’t know if he even heard me. When I hung up the phone it was like something inside of me just snapped. In that moment I hated everyone and everything and I just…” Hunter shook his head slowly, clearly unable to continue with whatever he’d been about to say.
He took a deep breath and finally said, “I just started grabbing things and throwing them - I was completely out of control. I’d been cooking something on the stove and when I grabbed the pan, the grease spilled onto my arm. The pain was so intense that it just took everything else away. Everything that had been swirling around inside of me just disappeared – like someone popping a balloon. I cleaned up the mess I’d made, fixed myself something to eat and went on like it never happened. Every time those thoughts started to come back, I just looked at the burn on my arm and I felt better. But then it started to heal…”