Finding Eden(60)

With that plan in place, we all went into the kitchen and Eden insisted I sit down at the table by the window while she cooked for me. I watched her move around the kitchen, somehow, unbelievably falling even more in love with her. I'd never had the pleasure of seeing Eden do something as normal as boil pasta and toss a salad together and it was almost magical to me, as ridiculous as that might have sounded to someone else. I watched as she interacted with Carolyn and Molly, too, laughing and listening intently to what they had to say. She was so damn good, so kind and filled with light. It was what Hector had seen in her all those years ago, surely. And yes, he had exploited it for his own sick and twisted idea, but he hadn't been wrong in his recognition of it in the first place. It was the quality that had attracted both of us to her. But I swore on everything I loved in the world that I would make her light shine even more brightly, and never, ever diminish it like he had.

She smiled over at me and I smiled back. Since I'd been outside of Acadia, I'd noticed how few people held that same, genuine gentleness of spirit that Eden exuded. And how was it that this girl, my girl, of all people, had managed to retain that quality? After everything she'd been through, the soul-stealing trauma, how had she hung on to that part of herself? Sometimes I felt like falling down on my knees in front of her in worship. She was so unbelievably beautiful in every possible way. Still. After all this time, and after everything, still. Only now, she not only held a gentle beauty, but that quiet strength I'd always seen in her was even more apparent.

We sat down to eat dinner and Eden's loving eyes watched me as I ate the food she'd cooked, and it seemed to bring her joy and make her shine brighter, so I ate three helpings even though I was full after two.

Later that night, I snuck out of the guest room and into Eden's room and climbed into her small, pink, twin-sized bed.

I pulled Eden into my chest and her hand wandered to my briefs and I sucked in a breath, instantly hard. But when I moved over her, the bed squeaked so loudly that I froze. If I took her as hard and vigorously as my body was screaming at me to do, the whole neighborhood would be woken up. I had to wonder if Carolyn had switched out the mattress while we were brushing our teeth.

Eden's wide eyes met mine in the semi-darkness of the room and her face contorted in laughter as she brought her hand to her mouth so as not to make any noise. I grinned down at her, holding back my laughter, too.

After we'd collected ourselves, we moved down to the floor. "We're always having to sneak around," I whispered against her lips.

"This is different," she whispered back.

"I know." I still didn't like it though.

I made love to her on the floor of her bedroom like two sneaky teenagers, a blanket beneath us. Although we had to be quiet, and it wasn't a bed of our own like I would have preferred, we were together and that was enough. She put her hand to my cheek and gazed into my eyes lovingly as our bodies joined, and I found the deep peace I always did when I was connected to Eden.

We both fell over the edge of bliss together, breathing against each other's mouths in order to be as quiet as possible. I put my face into her neck as I slowly came down, and her hands ran over my back, kneading the muscles there. I sighed happily and pulled out of her.

We lay like that for a little while, me nuzzling into her, and her stroking my skin.

"I wanted our baby so badly," she said after a little while.

I could only imagine that each time I came inside her, a part of her would acknowledge I wouldn't get her pregnant, that it wasn't possible anymore. My heart twisted and I leaned up on the arm that wasn't under her. Her face was filled with sadness. I leaned down and kissed her forehead. "I know. I did, too," I said quietly.

"I had come to some kind of peace about not being able to have any more." She paused and I waited for her to go on. "I had thought to myself that there was almost something . . . right about the fact that your baby was the only one I'd ever carry, even if I didn't get to keep it." She was quiet again. "But now, I have you back and it's like I'm grieving it all over again."

I pushed her hair aside. "I understand. I'd do anything to change it, Morning Glory." I leaned down and kissed her. "And, like I said, we will have kids if you want them. Somehow. We'll adopt. Whatever you want. Anything. I'll do anything to give you everything you want from this life."

She let out a small sniffle. "I know you will."

We lay holding each other for a little while, me staring at the back of her closet door, wondering at all the stuff she had pinned up on the other side.

"Tell me more about what you were researching about Hector," I said quietly.