Finding Eden(51)

Torment washed over Xander's face. "I might have totally screwed it up. I'm not ready to love anyone."

"Oh, Xander," I said, turning and moving closer to him, throwing my leg over the top of Calder's.

"No one will ever get it except for you two," he said. "No one understands me. So if I do let myself get closer to this girl, how should I explain the fact that I can only fall asleep on the floor?" he asked. "Or, wait, how about this—when she asks me to tell her about my family, I'll say, 'Oh them? Yeah, did you hear about that cult? Acadia? Right, well they were there—they drowned, my mom, my dad, my pregnant sister, dead all of them. Deal with that. I still can't. Oh and these scars on my back? Yeah, that was from the time I was beaten with a whip like a damn dog. You wanna catch a movie tonight?'"

"Xander," Calder said, distress obvious in the huskiness of his voice.

"Yeah," Xander said, staring upward.

"Maybe no one will get it to the extent we do, but someone will get it, Xander. Other people have been through bad things, too. Or if they haven't, they have the compassion to understand people who have been. Give her a chance," I said.

He let out a sigh and continued to stare up at the ceiling. "I still hear his voice in my head," he said quietly. "Like, all the damn time. It's like he haunts me."

I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "I know. I hear it, too," I said in understanding.

Calder cleared his throat and said, "Me, too."

We were quiet for a minute. I listened to them breathing right next to me, gratitude washing over me at their presence alone. "So, okay, here we are," I said. "Three messed-up people, but we're alive. And we get a second chance. And so, I don't know," I lifted up on one elbow and faced the boys, "I for one am going to grab it. I'd like to think it's not, but if this is the one life we have to live, if this is it, then I'm not going to live it being miserable. Especially now that I have you two back. What do you say? We'll try our best? Together?"

Calder smiled over at me, and Xander bit his lip and then let out a small huff of air. "Yeah."

"Me, too," Calder said again, reaching across Xander and taking my hand. I smiled at both of them and then laid my head on Xander's chest and wrapped my arm around him and Calder. Calder laid his head on Xander's chest next to mine and wrapped his arm around both of us, too. Xander started laughing as we all hugged in the somewhat ridiculously, but still aptly, named Bed of Healing, and there was always healing in laughter and so that bed did its job once again, at least for that moment.

"By the way, where'd you meet her?" I asked after a minute.

"Ex-cult member mingle dot com," Xander said, deadpan.

A loud laugh burst out of Calder and I looked up at Xander who was trying not to laugh, too. He lost though and burst out laughing as well, and then so did I. Calder and I both rolled back onto our backs, still laughing

"Well she'll definitely get you, then. No worries there." I grinned.

We all reined in our laughter and Xander looked over at Calder. "By the way, Calder Raynes, if we're all really going to heal, you need to confess about your strange Coca-Cola hoarding habit. I know you hide it all over your apartment."

Calder stopped moving entirely and turned toward Xander. "Okay," he said slowly, dragging the word out and glancing over at me. "But I don't even drink it."

"Yeah, so, that doesn't actually make it less weird."

I breathed out a laugh and after a minute, Calder did, too, turning his face up to the ceiling and laughing at himself. "All right. It's just this thing I have—"

"Yeah, we're both well aware of all your 'things'," Xander said, unable to suppress another grin. I laughed and so did Calder, looking at me over Xander's chest.

"Okay, you two, seriously, time to shower." Xander laughed.

Calder and I sat up, Calder swinging his legs off the bed. "Okay, but first let's go get some food. Eden and I haven't eaten properly in almost a week."

Xander and I got out of the bed and Xander nodded, running his hand through his hair. "All right, let's go. Eden, you okay here for half an hour or so?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." I smiled at Calder. I really was. Calder smiled back at me, looking a little unsure. I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him close. He squeezed me back and kissed the top of my head, and then he and Xander left the room, closing the door behind them.



**********



Fifteen minutes later, I was showered and feeling like a new person. I had washed my hair twice, and shaved everywhere. I was standing in front of the mirror with a towel wrapped around me, brushing the snarls out of my hair, since Calder didn't have any conditioner in his shower. I guessed boys didn't use that kind of stuff.