“Fine. Now get off me. You’re so hot I’m sweating my ass off. It’s like sleeping with a space heater.” Danny shoved Paul off him and crawled out of bed. “Lemme get your Tylenol.”
Paul watched him go, pulling the covers tighter over him, resisting the urge to tug them over his head like he did when he was little and sleep hidden from the world, as if the thin veil of material would protect him from life.
He looked to Danny instead, craning his neck to see him in the bathroom washing his hands before he reached into the medicine cabinet. He pulled out two bottles, opening them and pouring the pills into his open palm.
“Lemme get you some water.” Danny walked out of the bathroom to hand Paul the pills. “I’ll be right back.”
Paul held the pills, letting them get sticky in his hand as his eyes closed. With Danny gone, he gave into the weakness and tugged the blanket over his head. He started falling asleep almost instantly with the false feeling of security surrounding him.
“I never understood how you could sleep like that.” Danny sat back on the edge of the mattress and tugged the blanket away from Paul’s face. “Doesn’t it feel like you’re suffocating?”
“Mmm,” Paul agreed, sitting up and taking the cup of water from Danny. “Maybe I was always a kinky bastard. Sorta like breath play.”
“What’s breath play?”
“Don’t ask,” Paul said, taking the pills and downing all of the water, finding that he was extremely parched.
“I’ll ask Jason later.” Danny took the cup from Paul and set it on the floor. “Move over, it’s the middle of the night. No wonder I’m so fucking tired. Jason must have let himself out.”
“Don’t ask him what breath play is,” Paul said as he scooted over. “He already thinks we’re both head cases and I’d hate for that asshole to have more on us than he already does.”
Danny rolled up next to him so they were face-to-face in the semi-darkness. “What is it then?”
“It’s for people who get off on being choked, lack of oxygen.”
“You don’t—”
“No, it’s not my thing.” Paul felt too tried to think of something better and just said, “Saying that was just easier than admitting the truth.”
“What’s the truth?”
“That I’m a pussy who likes to hide under the covers when life gets too hard.”
Danny was silent for a long time, before he whispered into the darkness, “I read books.”
“Okay,” Paul said slowly, not really certain if he should commend him for that. “Good job.”
“To hide,” Danny clarified. “When life sucks, I read books. I keep them under my mattress like porn.”
Paul snorted. “Do you have one under your mattress now?”
Danny leaned forward, running his hand where the mattress rested against the wall and produced a thick paperback book. He handed it to Paul, who squinted at the cover in the darkness, “The Count of Monte Cristo,” he read out loud and then lifted his eyes to Danny. “This one’s really depressing, you know that, right?”
“Yeah, I know.” Danny took the book from him and put it back in its hiding place. “I’ve read it four times. It’s one of my favorites.”
Paul smiled, tucking his hand under his cheek, knowing he needed to shave as desperately as Danny did. The two of them were a real pair, lying there in Danny’s barren room, sharing secrets like they had when they were little.
Danny rolled onto his back and whispered to the ceiling, “I miss Evie.”
Paul’s smile got broader, knowing he wasn’t the only one feeling nostalgic. Danny was also remembering a time when the three of them used to have sleepovers at the Carlow Ranch and share everything about their lives, the good and the bad. Danny’s mother could be very charming and reassuring when she wanted to be. She had somehow managed to convince Eve’s mother to let Eve spend the night often, reminding her the three of them were too young for it to make any difference. But her mother was extremely religious and had ended their sleepovers when Eve turned ten, deeming her too old to have coed sleepovers. It had been a very long time since Paul had snuggled under the covers and confessed secrets into the darkness.
“I miss her so much. Every day I miss her.” Paul felt his heart hurt for a different reason as he admitted, “I stopped returning her emails and phone calls.”
“Me too,” Danny sighed. “I stopped emailing her when I started fucking Tony. On top of fucking inside the mafia, I was also working for them and I just thought, Evie’s too good to be friends with a guy like me. She’s better off starting over in New York with a clean slate. She didn’t need my shit bringing her down.”