“Well, no,” Danny whispered, feeling as if he’d been kicked in the solar plexus because that’s exactly what he wanted to think. “I just—”
“I can’t be your boyfriend, Danny Boy,” Paul said, his voice losing some of its fierceness. “Is that what you want from me?”
Danny shook his head silently, looking away when he felt tears threatening. “Don’t be stupid.”
“You know I get off on humiliation, right?” Paul asked softly, as if terrified of hurting Danny. “You get that, don’t you? What that means? Why it was fun to be with a guy? I mean, it wasn’t just that, it was fun for lots of reasons. You’ve got so much potential to be an amazing Dom—”
“I don’t want to be a Dom.” Danny cut him off, the pain making him feel as if he might collapse under it. The horror of the situation, of knowing the only reason Paul enjoyed being with him was because it was humiliating, made Danny want to lash out from the agony it was causing him. “I’m not gonna play your freak games with you. You were weak, I took advantage of you and now I’m sick of you. That’s it.”
Paul studied him, his eyes running over Danny for one long moment before he finally whispered, “Okay.”
“It’s over,” Danny said, wanting to get his point across. “I’m never fucking you again. It wasn’t even that great.”
“Okay,” Paul repeated. “I shouldn’t have expected you to be someone you’re not comfortable being. I’m sorry.”
Danny huffed, finding that fighting with a man who got off on cruelty was probably the most frustrating thing he had ever encountered. There was no way to win against someone you couldn’t hurt.
“Just get out,” Danny said, realizing too late he was being someone much worse than his father by throwing Paul out when he couldn’t hurt him. Paul had turned him into his father. “I think I hate you.”
Paul pulled back, considering that as he bit his lip, a look of anxiety finally crossing his face. “Are you serious?”
“Yes,” Danny said, his voice sharp and biting even to his ears. “This isn’t a game, Paul Guy. I want you to get the fuck out of my house and I don’t want you to come back.”
Paul nodded, his voice soft as he said, “Okay.”
He picked up the rest of his things, throwing his bag over his shoulder and stuffing his shirt in his back pocket. Then he walked up to Danny and handed him his car keys. Danny took them mutely, staring at the Mercedes emblem on his keychain as Paul walked out the door wearing only jeans and sneakers. When the door clicked shut, he looked at the wood, expecting him to come back. The nearest bus stop was at least five miles away and Paul knew it. He’d have to come back and he’d have to tell Danny it was more than humiliation that brought them together.
But Paul never did come back.
Danny didn’t know how long he stood there in muted horror before the reality of the situation finally set in. He hadn’t just lost one of the loves of his life. He’d lost his best friend.
Chapter Five
Wearing only a pair of jeans, Danny sat by the front door straightening a beer bottle. He turned the label outward on touch alone as he stared ahead unseeing. This was what he was destined to be, a heartbroken shell of a man living in a hollowed-out home, lining up bottles.
Against his will he looked to the bottles in question, seeing the long, straight line of perfectly aligned bottles stretch from the front door clear to the master bedroom. He had extended them into his bathroom, but was officially out of room as he placed the last one near the front door.
How many bottles would it take to cover the full expanse of the house?
More importantly, how many bottles would it take to make him forget Paul and the look on his face as he’d walked out the door? Danny didn’t give a shit if Paul was submissive enough to get off on being a sexual slave, couldn’t care less that he wore leather and handcuffs on the weekends. If it made him happy, whatever. Danny just wanted his friend back.
True, the sting to his pride over knowing Paul saw their connection as a very sexy form of humiliation was vivid, but in retrospect that wasn’t enough to make Danny hate him. Paul had been honest. There was never a point when he hadn’t made his preferences clear. Danny could admit to himself that he took advantage of Paul and his unique tastes to get what he wanted and then gotten pissed when reality came back to slap him in the face.
He searched in vain for the strength to ask for forgiveness and beg Paul to come back, to rid himself of pride that was his enemy more often than not. Two days of bliss was more than he ever expected to get from Paul. He could find a way to be happy about it if they somehow repaired their friendship. But Paul hadn’t called and Danny was left sitting on the floor heartsick, lining up bottles and desperately hunting for a way to hide from the pain that was crushing the air out of his chest.