Finding Eden(3)
“Yeah, the only year golden boy didn’t get a perfect attendance record. I remember.”
“Apples,” Paul said, raising his eyebrows meaningfully.
“He fucked up your perfect attendance for apples?”
“My father felt learning to appreciate what I was given was more important than school that week. It was an extenuating circumstance. I had to eat them until I puked, then I had to eat them again,” Paul said, shuddering at the memory. “All day, every day—for a week.”
“Wow.” Danny gave Paul a stunned look. “That is fucked up.”
“I win,” Paul announced, but this time the claim wasn’t born of competitiveness, just a sad reality of how badly his life sucked. He reached into his pocket, pulling out his keys as they reached Paul’s truck, parked behind Danny’s and his father’s cars in the long, circular driveway. He climbed in and then leaned over, opening the passenger side door because the handle on the outside was broken. “We’re late. Evie’ll be waiting for us at the lake. Hurry up.”
Danny got in, jerking the door shut. “How come your childhood didn’t fuck you up? Really, you’re weird for being such a golden boy. Your brothers are both assholes. What the hell happened to you?”
“What makes you think I’m not fucked up?” Paul asked as he drove around the other cars in front of the ranch house and then headed down the driveway that was easily half a mile of white picket fence and horse pasture.
“Maybe you are fucked up,” Danny mused, lifting his eyebrows as he turned to study Paul. “I wish you’d talk Evie into staying here.”
Paul didn’t react to Danny moaning over Paul’s girlfriend leaving. He had long since come to accept they were both in love with the same woman. Danny and Paul had befriended Eve in kindergarten and the three of them were extremely close. It wasn’t surprising they’d both developed feelings for Eve. Not that it made a whole lot of difference at this point. Eve was heading to New York for college while Danny and Paul stayed behind in Tampa. That threat was about to be a dead one.
“She’s got a scholarship,” Paul explained, hating that the pain was actually evident in his voice. It was a strange show of weakness for him. “I can’t hold her back. I won’t do that to her. I love her enough to let her go.”
“Then you’re an idiot.”
“Probably,” Paul agreed sadly as he reached the edge of the Carlow Ranch and looked to Danny. “You want me to open the gate?”
“I got it.” Danny hopped out of the truck and pulled open the gate, his long, lithe, muscular frame carved in light and shadows under the headlights from Paul’s truck. When he got the gate open, Paul pulled out onto the deserted road. Danny locked the gate and then crawled back into the truck. “Then let’s go with her.”
“To New York?” Paul snorted as he began driving. “College starts soon. I’ve already started football practice. I just can’t up and leave.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m committed,” Paul said with a look of disbelief. “Is a sense of responsibility that hard for you to grasp?”
“For love,” Danny challenged. “For Evie. She’s not worth telling a football coach to suck it? I don’t understand you.”
“I can’t go to New York,” Paul said rather than admit he was choosing responsibility over love. “I want to, I do, but I can’t. I’m sorry.”
“It could be great,” Danny sighed longingly. “It’d be just the three of us. We’d be away from our parents and our fucked-up lives. It’d be like a do-over. We could get an apartment. Split three ways, it wouldn’t be that expensive.”
“Cost of living in New York is outrageous,” Paul argued, hating this discussion because the pain of letting Eve go felt like more than he could bear. There were very few things in this world that could hurt him this intensely. “Can we change the subject? I’d rather talk about apples.”
“Letting her go will be the worst mistake you ever make,” Danny warned. “You’ll never forgive yourself for it.”
“I know that.” Paul felt the pain in his chest blossom and grow to the point that he almost couldn’t breathe. At that moment he hated himself, resenting the person his life had turned him into. He wanted to beg Danny to teach him to be more like him, to somehow undo a lifetime of programming that made Paul obedient to a fault. He wanted to learn how to say “fuck you” to his father rather than “okay” to whatever demands he had. But Paul knew Danny couldn’t teach him to be rebellious any more than Paul could teach him to be complacent. The unfairness of it made Paul angry and he growled under his breath. “Thanks for reminding me, though. I really needed the hourly reminder that I’m fucking up.”