“I think we could be good together,” she said.
“I don’t want you, Marilyn,” I told her. Ice flashed in her eyes. “I never did, and I don’t remember anything that happened between us; nor do I want to. I was drunk, and you know I wasn’t truly in the moment. Why continue that?”
“You’re willing to lose everything for her?” She was stunned, and I made my coffee with shaking hands.
“You and I both know I will be here longer than you are. In time, everyone will know that you’re looking out for yourself, Marilyn. I wouldn’t doubt if they already do.” I turned and looked into her pale face. “Leave me alone and don’t you even look at her. I can have you fired so fast that your head will spin.”
I walked past her to my office. The woman I loved was sitting at her desk and getting ready to work. She was beautiful, but I saw the sadness in her face as she stared at her monitor while it warmed up. She glanced over to see me approaching her, and her eyes widened as a frown crossed her face. “Are you okay? Jasmine said that you had to return home early.” I kept my tone even as a flurry of emotions crossed her face.
“Fine,” was her clipped answer. She avoided any eye contact with me, looking pained.
“Come into the office when you’re settled in. I have something I want you to go over with me.” I walked through my door once I’d spoken and played back her tortured face in my mind. There was a lot of pain there, and I didn’t know why, but I was going to get to the bottom of things when she walked in here.
Lily
I knew he wanted to see me, and as his assistant, I needed to go in there. I also knew it wasn’t business he wanted to discuss, and my heart sank at the idea of facing the pain that had haunted me since I’d looked into his cottage that night. I went to make coffee to kill some time, listening idly to talk about the trip and how much fun it had been. I wish that had been the case for me.
I’d come home with a broken heart. I’d come home to change my life and try to put the pieces back together. I walked back to my desk slowly, feeling the ache in my body as I thought about everything. When I got back to my desk, my phone was lit up, and I picked it up to see a text from Brian.
He was so innocent in all of this.
I shoved the phone into the drawer with my purse and locked it before I took a deep breath. I just needed to get this over with. I tapped at Landon’s cracked door before I heard him tell me to come inside. I straightened my black dress with my hands. “You needed to see me?” I asked as I gave him a hesitant look.
“Close the door,” Landon said, and I nodded and pushed it behind me until I heard the click of it shutting tightly. “Why did you leave?” He came around his desk and stepped toward me as I pushed myself against the door. I knew how private this office was, and I licked my lips as he cupped my face, staring into my eyes.
“Stop. Don’t touch me,” I choked out, tears filling my eyes.
“What?” He sounded shocked as I found the strength to push him away.
“I saw you with her. I saw her in your cottage holding you,” I said, and Landon’s eyes widened. “I was going to tell you that I loved you, that I wanted you. I didn’t know I was so replaceable.” His eyes looked haunted, and I pressed my hands against the door, still feeling his warmth.
“You’re not,” he protested, and I gave him a long, searching look. “I thought it was you when I got the door. I guess you didn’t come back before that?” Landon looked at me hopefully before I shook my head painfully. “I got sloppy drunk going over what happened, Lil. I answered the door and don’t remember anything until I woke up on my couch.”
“So you slept with her,” I said in a strained voice.
“It wasn’t me, whatever happened. I’ll never trust that bitch to tell me the truth, Lily. She is out for herself and nothing else, so she’ll make it benefit her. I can tell you that I never wanted her at all. It’s you. I want you.” Landon stared into my face, into my wide, frightened eyes, before he pressed his forehead against mine. “I just want to turn back time and change the part that changed us. I wanted to come home feeling you beside me.”
“I was going to tell you that before I saw her. It was hours after we were…together, and you were in another woman’s arms. I don’t care that you were drunk, Landon. You’re not twenty-one anymore, and you have more control of yourself than that.” I hated that he was an older, mature man and acted so much like Brian in that single way.
“I was fucking miserable after you walked away from me. If I didn’t drink, I would have been at your door breaking it down. You needed space, and I needed to escape,” Landon said. Tears slid down my cheeks. He kissed my lips softly, still lighting a fire inside me. “I never intended for anything to happen, if it even did. I only want you.”
I parted my lips as he kissed me again, wanting to push him away even as my arms circled his neck. It didn’t fix anything, but it felt so good as he pressed his body against mine until I felt him hard against me. I pulled away, looking down as he glanced between our bodies. “You were that way for her.”
“I don’t fucking know if I was. I don’t remember,” Landon said, and I closed my eyes. “You came home to him in your bed, Lily. How am I supposed to feel about that?”
I did come home to Brian, surprising him as he slept. I was exhausted and emotional, and I turned his kiss into something carnal, fucking him hard as he gripped my hips. I knew it would replace the feeling of Landon inside me, which had made me ill when I’d seen him with Marilyn. I needed to get all traces of Landon a shower couldn’t touch off my body, and Brian coming inside me was supposed to do that.
It only made me feel worse, and I lay awake after he went back to sleep, holding me in his arms.
“Do you think I felt good about that?” I asked as I slid away from him and walked to the window. “I hate myself for what I did to him. That isn’t who I am, or at least who I was. The last few days have been horrible, Landon.” Tears slipped down my cheeks uncontrollably as I felt him move behind me. “It changed everything.”
“What do you mean?” he asked. I took a deep, shuddering breath.
“I had to take a good hard look at myself in the mirror, inside my heart. I hurt people, both you and Brian.”
I didn’t want to pretend it had never happened at all, because I knew it would haunt me inside. I shrugged Landon’s hands off my shoulders before he pulled me against him and kissed my neck, and I cried when I felt my body heat up for him. I still wanted Landon, and I allowed his hands to slide up my body as I pressed against the window.
“I hate myself, Landon,” I said.
“Don’t,” he said. His hands cupped my breasts, my nipples hardening under the lace of my bra as I imagined his mouth on Marilyn. Did he do this with her as well? “We got carried away.” His mouth sucked the tender skin of my neck between his lips, and I felt an odd sense of relief that I wasn’t cheating on anyone right now.
I’d ended it with Brian yesterday after a long time of thinking. He’d wanted more from me than I could give, his eyes pleading with me to tell him why.
I felt bare fingers on my pert skin as Landon tugged on me, and I moaned, craving him inside me. I wanted him to fuck me the way I deserved. I needed punishment. I hadn’t told Brian what had happened to bring me to my decision. I hadn’t been willing to hurt him any more than I already had.
That being said, I still wasn’t free for Landon. I needed some space, even as he turned me toward him for a heated kiss. This would be sex and nothing more, because I was dead inside now. Landon carried me to the couch, sliding my dress off after he assured me that the door was locked. I allowed it, needing his lips and teeth on me. I asked for more, needing pain, as he stared into my face. I needed closure even though the idea made me sick somewhere deep inside.
He slipped his hand over my throbbing clit. Fuck. I jerked against him as I reached out to undo his pants and release him. Landon stroked me hard as I wrapped my hand around him, ready to come as he slipped a finger inside me and continued to stroke my pussy.
“Baby, it’s only you I want. Please believe me.” Landon continued to beg as I spread my legs wide and rocked against him before covering his hand in my release. “I love you, Lily.”
I gasped and moved on to my stomach, my ass in the air. “Fuck me,” I whispered, but then something crossed my mind. “Wear a condom.” I heard him let out a breath before he left to go to his desk. I heard a wrapper and then he was inside me.
“I’ll get tested. I’ll do anything,” Landon said as we rocked together, one of his hands on my hip while the other cupped my breast. “I just want you.”
My body clung to him, and my heart wanted to do the same. When I came again, I heard him moan my name before he jerked clumsily. There was no heat of his release meeting mine, no trace of him anymore. “Lily, oh fuck. I can’t live without you.”
Landon dropped against me as we both took deep breaths. “I needed that last time with you,” I told him as he stilled against my body. “I am giving you my resignation today, Landon. I received an offer from a firm across the city and accepted it.”