Filthy Doctor(291)

I turned and checked the restaurants, the lobby, and any of the other little place we’d spent time in for a quiet moment. There was no sign of Lily. I was walking back to my cottage when I heard my name. I turned to see one of the partners walking over to me, looking at my outfit curiously. “How are you?”

“I was just looking for someone,” I replied vaguely as he smiled and nodded. “When does the lunch start?”

“It starts in an hour,” Ken said after checking his phone. “Marilyn is having coffee on the beach.” I stared at him for a long moment before I realized that she must have told the others something about us. He thought I was looking for her, something that disgusted me even though it was slightly better than the truth.

“Thanks, Ken. I should take a shower before lunch and get myself together.” I forced a smile on my face as I ran a hand through my messy hair. “I had a few too many last night.”

“A lot of us did.” He smirked as I laughed and nodded. “See you in a bit.”

I told him the same as I wandered back toward my cottage, not sure of anything. I couldn’t find her. I felt lost as colleagues walked by me and greeted me, nodding and trying to respond as normally as possible. I unlocked my door and walked inside, feeling the emptiness of the room settle over me. It occurred to me that my phone was in the kitchen and I’d never even looked at it to see if she had left a message or called me. I walked over and stared at it, seeing it was dead as I cursed softly. I walked it to the charger in the bedroom, plugging it in, and sat and waited for enough juice to check it.

I scrolled past all the other text messages and calls, just looking for her name but finding nothing. “Fuck, Lily. Where are you?” I asked as my head started pounding. If I were in my right mind, I would be doing what was needed to get me through this lunch. Right now, I couldn’t think. I decided I would go to the function, both to see if she was there and to ask around if that wasn’t the case. I could talk to her friend Jasmine if nothing else. Lily didn’t trust anyone but her, so Jasmine would know something. Whether she’d share it was a different story.

I showered and dressed in some clean shorts and a button-up shirt, respecting the relaxed dress code of the company. I walked into the conference room and sat with the other partners, refusing to make any eye contact with Marilyn. I looked calm on the outside, but my eyes scanned the room for Lily every second until someone started talking.

She wasn’t there.

I sipped some orange juice and nibbled on fruit to calm my stomach as the voices droned on and on. I looked at Jasmine a few times, who was seated by her boss and sipping coffee. She didn’t look upset, so maybe there was a good reason Lily wasn’t here, even though we weren’t leaving until tomorrow.

Tomorrow, we would be going back to normal, but I didn’t know what that was any longer. I didn’t know what to do or say.

I made my way across the room as casually as possible, approaching Jasmine as she looked at me. “Where is she?” I asked as her eyes narrowed. “I can’t find her. Where is she?”

“There was something at home. Lily flew back last night.” I stared at her. “She didn’t tell you. Were you sleeping together again?” There was no one close enough to overhear the question she asked as her keen eyes judged me.

“Yes,” I said softly, and she pressed her lips together. “I didn’t force it.”

“I know that. I know Lily even though she tried to hide her feelings for you. I could see it in her eyes and all through this trip. She left because of you, didn’t she?” I looked out the window, knowing I would be leaving early as well.

“I didn’t hurt her in any way. I didn’t harm her,” I said, and she shook her head at me.

“Of course not. You love her,” Jasmine said. “You broke her heart, though. Something happened.”

“I have to go,” I said, turning to leave the room. I didn’t say good-bye to anyone, and I intended to get a flight home as soon as possible. I remembered that my laptop was in her room and walked over there to see the door cracked open. “Excuse me?” I called out as I peered inside.

One of the maids walked down the hallway, looking at me curiously. “Yes, sir?”

“Did you find a laptop here?” She paused and nodded. “That is the firm’s property, and I was hoping to collect it.” The resort was familiar with the company, and she gave me a curious look for a moment. “The woman in this room was my assistant. I assure you that I am telling the truth.” I wanted to push past her just to see the bedroom one last time, to imprint it in my memory.

Did it still smell like her?

She finally pointed at the small bistro table, and I saw the computer there. “Thank you.” I picked it up and looked around the cottage slowly before leaving to go back to mine. I sat down on the couch and powered it up, finding the airline already in the search history. I shook my head. She made her own way home by using this computer, and that hit me in a place deep inside. If I’d had my computer with me instead of at her cottage, would Lily still be here? If we hadn’t made love on the beach that day, would she still be here?

I could ask myself a million questions that wouldn’t help me at all right now. I focused on getting a flight home and packing my things. I told the partners that something came up and I had to leave, which wasn’t a big deal since the work portion of the trip was completed.

I called for a cab, taking it to the airport with an empty feeling inside. I didn’t know what would happen now, because the timing was off. I had planned to leave for home with Lily knowing that I loved her. I wanted to leave with her being mine and looking forward to a future. The last time we made love played back through my mind, and I saw her face as she came as quietly as possible. It had been a beautiful moment despite the harsh words beforehand and even afterward, making me hate that it might have been the last time I ever felt Lily in my arms.

I dozed off during the flight, waking up when I arrived home. It tormented me that Lily had done this same trip alone, making me wonder if she was as torn apart as I was. I left the plane, getting my stuff before I took a cab home.

The apartment looked the same. There was no trace of what had happened in here, and I wondered if I could make it all go away. I thought of the saying about Vegas and how what happened there stayed there, but this was love. I wanted Lily.

I knew the entire firm would be coming home tomorrow and work would resume next week. I didn’t want to give Lily any space now that I was back, but it was clearly what she’d wanted when she left.

I lay in bed that night wondering if she was curled up with her boyfriend in their home. I couldn’t imagine her being at peace with herself right now, not after I saw all the feelings on her face, in her eyes, the past couple days. I knew how she felt every time that we were in bed together, and I knew it was more than just sex for both of us. It was everything.

I had a moment of weakness when I woke up alone and sent a text to her work phone. I didn’t know if she would even have it on, but I waited for a response. I’d make things so much worse if I used her personal phone. I didn’t want to do that to Lily, as much as I wanted to claim her as mine. I wanted her happy no matter what, and blowing up her life wouldn’t do that.

I could wait until work, where we could talk privately.

I dressed for work that Tuesday in my favorite suit, determined to get my girl. I looked put together and confident when I drove in, though I feared what might happen inside. I left the car and walked to my office, knowing I’d never felt like this returning to work after one of the annual trips before. There was the occasional awkwardness that followed a one-night stand with a colleague or fights with Nadine if she didn’t come along with me, but nothing like this.

I was earlier than everyone else, and I assumed they were all still recovering from the getaway. I remembered the last dinner being a time of relaxation, partying, and letting loose. It was the night that a lot of careless things happened, based on my experience. There were a lot of apologies in my past from that night and others on trips that I could remember, but I didn’t regret a single thing about Lily. It was more than a night or a drunk moment.

I sat down at my desk with the door open, warming up my computer and looking over the city. It was beautiful in a different way than Belize was, since the memories I had of Lily transcended both places, but this was home. I went to make some coffee, and I saw the one woman in the firm I didn't want to see standing in the room. “You have a break room. Why are you here?” I let all my bitterness in my voice, not holding back since we were alone.

“I wanted to talk. You left so suddenly,” Marilyn said as she turned to look at me. Her surface beauty was marred by her selfish intentions, and I narrowed my eyes at her.

“About what?” I asked, and she smiled and tossed her hair.

“I won’t tell anyone about you and your assistant if you continue what we started in Belize, Landon. I want more than I got,” she said.

I thought about her words. I could get into some trouble for being with Lily and possibly lose my job, but I also had a lot of years here and far more security than she did.