The more I thought about it, I realized that I was invested in this relationship with Landon. As fucked up and painful as it was, I was in love with him. I’d slept with him earlier on the beach because I loved him.
I came running here with a plan in mind to seduce Landon all over again, so what had I expected? I knew I was getting into something deeper than I could handle, telling myself to just let it go even as I cried. I was in control of all of this. I could go back home to Brian and make everything all right again, put this behind me.
Brian didn’t have to know that any of this had happened. I could pretend that things were perfect and we could progress to where we’d been going before I lost my mind for a moment.
I walked back into the cottage and closed the door quietly, feeling my strength from outside wane as I ran a hand through my hair. Two more days. There was a conference tomorrow over lunch reviewing some more new laws before a dinner in the restaurant with some dancing and entertainment. It was one of the most popular events here among visitors, but I had no clue how I would get through it. Jasmine would know something was wrong with me since we’d grown close. I had to find a way to make it through the day and then fly home to my normal life. I had to find a way to straighten out my head and my life, even if it meant finding another job.
Oh, god. Another job meant I would be away from Landon, and that idea killed me inside. The thought of never seeing him made me feel so empty. I thought back to his offer of another position if we stayed together. Was that something to consider?
No. I needed to do what was best for me.
I walked into the bedroom to change into something else, looking at the mussed sheets as memories of Landon and me filled my mind. I inhaled deeply and swore that our scent was still in the air as my resolve weakened. My phone chimed from the living room as I stared at the bed and then looked toward the front door of the cottage.
I went to look at the screen of my phone, and I cried when I saw Brian’s name. I dropped it down, not ready to talk to him or deal with what this might do to him. Instead, I picked up my key and walked to the front door, toward the man I did want to see. I needed to talk to Landon, though I wasn’t sure what I was going to say. I just needed to see him.
I made my way to his door, pausing when I saw it cracked open slightly. Looking around, I didn’t see anyone else and stepped forward slowly. I took in a breath as I leaned forward and looked through the door into the living room, my eyes widening when I saw the woman from the other morning sitting on the couch. She was wearing a tiny slip of a dress and seemed to be cradling Landon as she spoke softly, her lips close to his. There was a sense of intimacy between them that made me wonder if I had anything with Landon at all. She glanced toward the door as I stepped back and started toward my cottage with my hand over my mouth. I unlocked the door, running inside to the bathroom just in time to throw up in the toilet. I felt used, knowing he might have been sleeping with her while he was with me. I felt stupid because I loved him and he might have been fucking someone else, all the while making me feel like I mattered to him.
I finished getting sick and made my way to the bedroom, sitting on the bed as I started sobbing. I was a fool who had risked everything I had at home for this pain. I dropped back onto the sheets and curled up into the fetal position.
I cried myself to sleep, dozing off for a little while before I woke up with a start. I looked around, finding myself alone as I remembered what had happened.
All the time I had spent with Landon felt like a waste now that I’d seen him with that woman. He must have called her to come and console him when I left him in the car, and that made my stomach twist all over again. I was that easy to replace when he was everything to me.
Brian was a good man, and he would always take care of me, but he didn’t make me feel the way Landon did. Was that enough? I pushed myself up slowly and made my way to the living room, where Landon had left his laptop the day before. I dropped onto the couch in front of it, turning it on and waiting for it to warm up. I’d left mine at home, intent on enjoying this trip, but now I knew there was no chance of that.
I was relieved to see that there was no password to get into the computer, which made me wonder for a moment if I could trust Landon. No. He was in his cottage with another woman after all we had shared. I went online and found the website for the airline, swallowing the lump in my throat as I changed my flight to later tonight. I’d make an excuse involving some emergency; I just couldn’t stay here. I paid with a credit card and leaned back, taking a deep breath as I assured myself that leaving would make all this bearable.
I packed my bags after I changed into some leggings and a T-shirt, walking through the cottage to look for anything that could get left behind. I’d never come back here, and I needed to ensure that there would be no signs I had been here to begin with. When the time came, I grabbed my luggage and went to the lobby to meet the cab that was taking me to the airport. Landon’s laptop I left powered off in the room.
I didn’t look at his door to see if it was open any longer when I walked toward the lobby. I just wanted to get the hell out of here, away from all the bad memories I’d created.
I cried the entire flight home, huddled up in a seat by the window as I looked at the beauty of Belize that was imprinted in my memory. I cursed myself for my plan and the results of it, so unsure why I had thought it would be anything different. I fell asleep hoping that Brian would never know any of this.
I’d sent Jasmine a text explaining that I needed to return home because Brian was sick and needed help, but that was it. I told Landon nothing. I was going to go back and fix what I’d done to my life if it killed me.
Landon
I woke up on my couch, blinking at Marilyn, who was draped over me in a summer dress that barely covered anything. “What the fuck are you doing here?” I asked her in a hoarse voice, pushing her off me as I scooted back. “What did we do?”
Marilyn, wide-eyed, lifted her head after landing on the floor. “You let me in, Landon. Last night. You let me in. Don’t you remember?”
I already knew I was working a hangover from the way my head was pounding and the taste in my mouth. I must have been drunk when she came over and remembered nothing about it, even though I knew the reason I’d been drinking. “No. I would have never let you in, much less had you sleep here, if I was sober. Tell me we didn’t do anything.”
“You were way too drunk to fuck me, but I sucked your big cock. You were hot when you came in my mouth.” I watched her eyes darken as nausea flooded my stomach, knowing it was a possible lie. I’d never know, though, since I’d been stupid drunk, and I’d have to live with that.
“I don’t want to know anything else,” I told her, standing to go to the bathroom. “Get the fuck out of here, Marilyn. Don’t come back, because this will never happen again.”
I stumbled down the hallway, holding my loosened shorts with shaking hands. I dropped down in front of the toilet and vomited, sickened by the idea that I’d touched Marilyn.
A vague memory of calling out Lily’s name as I crawled toward the door flooded my mind, making me wonder if that was when Marilyn had been at my door. There was a part of me that wanted to demand every detail of what had happened in my cottage, while the most logical part of me understood that Marilyn would lie to make herself look better. She was all about gain, and she wouldn’t care about my needs or wants.
I knew she’d had to fuck someone to get partner, at least in part. She was an intelligent woman, but something was disturbing about her as well. I looked down at my flaccid cock and angrily pushed away from the thought of her mouth wrapped around it. I didn’t want Lily to be erased from my memories, and my heart ached for her for a long moment.
I finished my business, cleaning myself up as best I could before I changed into some fresh clothes. I needed to get to Lily now and fix things, tell her I loved her and needed her in my life. A part of me worried that Lily knew what had happened in my cottage last night, but how? Did she come over at any part of the evening and see us?
I had to know.
I glanced at my couch when I left and saw that the room was empty. I was barefoot and wearing old shorts with a T-shirt that probably didn’t even match, but I didn’t care. I strode to her door and knocked, loud and hard. “Lily, open the door,” I said, when there was no sound. Was she with someone else in their cottage? Had she slept with someone else to get back at me, as it appeared I had? No. I remembered her words about Brian and sleeping with me, and I knew deep down she wouldn’t do that. She loved me, and she’d open this door so we could fix things. That was who Lily was.
Only nobody was answering the door.
“Lily?” I called out, trying to remind myself that we were in a work situation and I needed to remain calm. “Open the door. We need to talk.”
Nothing. Where was she? I turned and tried to think of where she could be. It was too early for her to have left for the work lunch, so I slowed my brain down and tried to think of someplace Lily might go to if she needed some peace. I looked at the water, knowing how much she loved it, and walked toward the waves. I looked over her balcony to see it empty, and even a closer look at the cottage revealed that she wasn’t there. I kept walking over the sand until I was in a place where I could look left or right and see anyone who was on the beach. There were people, but I didn’t see Lily, and I sucked in my breath.