Filthy Doctor(281)

I threw myself into being with Brian: cooking dinner together, going out on dates, and trying to spice up our sex life. We were young and there was a lot to do—something I’d learned from my older man.

Brian was willing to experiment, but I still thought of Landon.

I noticed Landon on the street with a redhead on a regular basis in the next couple of months, and I hid the truth from Brian about why I initiated sex every night before bed. I demanded more from him each time, pleased with his enthusiasm but still missing the man I’d given up. The days and nights started to blend together, and I finally accepted Jasmine’s invitation for dinner and drinks one night to get a break.

We left the office together and walked over to a local pub she had recently discovered and loved. I looked around at the large main room with tables, a massive bar, several television sets, and even a stage for live music. “I feel like I haven’t talked to you in forever,” I said as we found a table in the back and settled into the comfortable bench seats.

“You’ve been playing house. How’s that going?” she asked, her green eyes twinkling. Jasmine had a new boyfriend of about a month herself and was crazy about him.

“It’s nice, you know? We seem to be so much more about each other now and like real adults. We cook dinner and stuff, and it’s comforting,” I said as she searched my face. She knew I’d gone home with Landon that night and eventually ended it, and she’d helped me through the harder parts of the process. She was the only person I’d told about Landon to this day, knowing Brian could never know about us.

“Is everything okay with you and the boss?” she asked as I stared at the table.

“He had a woman come to the office a few weeks ago. She looked so polished and beautiful, and the bitch had the nerve to wink at me. I wonder if he told her to do that to get deeper under my skin.” I knew pain was written on my face as I raised my eyes to look at her. “Did I make the right choice?”

“I can’t answer that, but this way you have the guy and the job? Both are important to you, aren’t they?” Her voice prodded me, making me nod. “Things would change with a different choice, and that might not be what you want. Give it a little time and see what happens.”

“Yeah, you’re right. It’s just new and everything is changing so much.” Jasmine smiled and handed me a menu. We ordered some drinks and dinner and she told me about her new guy, glowing as her voice rose with happiness. I was comfortable with Brian, content, but I didn’t glow like Jasmine did. We’d also been together about seven months longer than Jasmine and her boyfriend. I felt like I glowed with Landon, but he was so forbidden that it made it hotter. Surely seven months down the line, we wouldn’t be like that anymore. I would be in a different position that might not be right for me, that payed less or maybe didn’t look as good on a resume. I went to college to get a great job and this was it. I needed it for the next step, and leaving it made me worry. What if the truth got out there and people knew Landon and I were involved? I didn’t want that anywhere near my name, and if I stayed on as just Landon’s assistant, there wouldn’t be any suspicions and consequently no rumors.

At least I hoped so. I trusted Landon enough not to talk about us, because he told me he wouldn’t. I thought he cared about me enough to keep his word.

Jasmine and I were finishing our third round of drinks when I looked up to see Landon passing the window with his friends. He was also with a woman, and his arm kept her close to his side as he laughed at something someone said. I watched for a long moment, and Jasmine caught on to what I was doing. She looked and then frowned as she smiled at me. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I can’t be with him no matter how I look at it. I must accept that, and it isn’t like Brian is a bad guy. He has been trying hard with me and being what I wanted him to be back then, which is originally what led me to Landon. Right? Women cheat when they don’t get what they need at home…or men, for that matter.” I never did deal with the fact that I had cheated, and I felt a wave of emotion hit me. “Why did I do that to him? I am not that person, Jasmine. I never considered it before and I didn’t then. It just happened.” Tears flooded my eyes, and I was surprised by the strength of my guilt and sadness. “What did I do?”

“Oh, sweetie.” Jasmine came around to my side of the table and hugged me as I let the wall of grief finally break. I cried for a few minutes, knowing people were staring at me but letting them go with the emotional-girl theory. Fuck them. I needed this after the tumultuous last few months, since the guilt and pain affected every part of my soul. I need to let it lift so I could see clearly what I had in front of me and appreciate it. Like the good friend she was, Jasmine stroked my hair and assured me that life just happened. It wasn’t always pretty or easy, quite the opposite. It was hard and fucked up, and we learned something from all of it.

When I was calm, she remained by my side and we toasted to the future.

We left around an hour later, and I felt lighter somehow. I felt like I could tackle things as I grabbed a cab and rode home to my apartment . . . our apartment. It was set up for us as a team and a couple, with the second bedroom turned into an office and something of a reading room. My apartment wasn’t big, but I did live in New York, so that was typical and everyone just made it work. Brian and I had a plan to get something else down the line once he got a couple of promotions and we could afford something bigger.

I gave the driver a large bill with a smile as I got out of the back and hurried into my building and up the flight of stairs. I unlocked the door to our second story apartment, pushing it open as I glanced inside. The light was on in the kitchen, and I closed and locked the door. “Bri?”

“Hi, babe. I’m just watching TV. How was dinner?” he asked as I dropped my purse on the bistro table and went into the living room, where he was on the couch watching a movie.

“Dinner was good and the drinks were even better.” I’d cleaned up my face before I left, and the cold water I’d splashed around my eyes had helped with the redness. I thought I might pass as being happy, though I really did feel a lot better now.

“You cabbed it home, right?” he asked as he looked at me, and I nodded with a smile. I snuggled close to him and he wrapped his arm around me. “Good.” Brian kissed my hair. “I love you too much to lose you.”

“How do you know that?” I asked him dreamily as I draped my arm over his bare stomach.

“I started realizing it toward the end when things were falling apart. I knew I fucked up when I lost you, and that was when I decided to woo you. I’m glad it worked.” He grinned as I looked at him. I remembered meeting him at a party eight months ago and being taken by him immediately as we talked closely all night. He had been funny and easy to talk to, and we’d started dating right away. I had been looking for a job at the time so I could start paying for my apartment with a paycheck instead of grants and the money left to me by my parents. Looking back, I knew I’d been stressed out from the pressure, and maybe that contributed to our ending and, consequently, the affair. Tonight made me wonder more than ever if I should tell Brian about it. I was somewhat certain it was over with Landon, that I wouldn’t fall for his charms again, so I just didn’t see any reason to reveal the truth to Brian right now, not when we were working through everything. I liked my job and the experience it was giving me, and I didn’t want to give it up.

It had nothing to do with the fact that, in some twisted fashion, I enjoyed seeing Landon every day.

I distracted myself from my thoughts by leaning forward and kissing Brian tenderly, knowing he’d respond. I was right; Brian kissed me with a growing passion as our tongues danced together.



Landon

Once we shared the night together after meeting at a bar, I found myself seeing Candy regularly. It had a lot to do with the fact that she was a little young and clingy but great in bed. I just went with it, enjoying the feel of a regular warm body in my bed even if it wasn’t Lily’s. She was obviously moving on even though I had determined she was not wearing a ring on her left hand. If I’d seen one, I might have asked her if she had a fucking clue what she was doing.

She had said yes to something, but I didn’t know what that something was. I just knew that flowers appeared on her desk periodically, so I didn’t feel bad when Candy came in for lunch one day, inadvertently meeting Lily.

Lily looked bothered by it. A sick part of me was glad that pain flashed across her face when I closed my door and led Candy to the elevator. It had been three months since I’d touched her, and I was pleased that Lily missed me, making me turn around to look at her again. She was looking down at her desk, sadness sprawled across her face, and something tugged inside me as I forced myself to listen to some idea Candy had for the night. We boarded the elevator car and I watched Lily as she looked up when the door slid closed.

She looked miserable.

I came back from lunch to find her desk empty, and I assumed she was on her own lunch break. Lily preferred a later one, and I noticed that she often left after I was gone on mine. Did that make the time we were apart longer, something I was all too aware of? I went into my office and closed the door to start some research on a new company. It was more complicated than expected given the way my mind was racing with thoughts of Lily—mixed with the hand job I’d received at lunch today in a back booth. I knew what else I would be getting later tonight, after dinner and drinks with Candy.