Filthy Doctor(274)

I walked through my door and set my briefcase down on my desk as I looked out over the city. The sun was rising quickly, and the sight normally motivated me. Today I just wanted to see Lily.

Time seemed to drag before I warmed up my computer and left to get some coffee. I made a cup for myself as well as Lily. I was walking back to my desk with both cups when I saw Lily standing over her computer with a focused look in her eyes. She looked beautiful but somehow modest today in a dress that covered her gorgeous body. I set her coffee down gently on a coaster, and she jumped and stared at me with wide eyes. “I made you some coffee,” I told her as I stared into her eyes with a searching gaze. There were so many things I wanted to say to Lily, but she just glanced at me and smiled weakly.

“Thanks,” she said as she looked away. My eyes drifted down to her neck to see a dark blemish on her pale neck. Did I do that? I played back the night, remembering how careful I’d been with her, and my eyes narrowed once I knew that wasn’t from me. Did she really go running back to that boyfriend after the night we shared together? It was clear he didn’t satisfy her, and everything I remembered about Friday was close to perfect, apart from the way she left.

“Anytime, Lily,” I murmured as I watched her cheeks flush pink. I turned and walked into my office as resentment and jealousy singed my skin. I was never jealous over a woman, but Lily was different and she didn’t even realize it. I knew she still felt something for me, but she was going to try to ignore it as she pursued the dead end that was her boyfriend.

I played back every kiss as I paced my floor, not finding any part that wasn’t passionate and hot. I didn’t find anything that wasn’t worth repeating, making me groan as I ran a hand through my short hair.

At some point, I needed to realize that I’d fucked up by sleeping with her. I had to accept that she didn’t want any more from me. I took a long sip of my coffee and set it down. I wasn’t here to charm my assistant; I was here to be the best attorney and partner I could be to the company. That was all that mattered.

Still, I remembered how easily we’d opened up to one another as I handled any communication with Lily electronically. There were emails back and forth, all business without a hint of the version of Lily I’d seen over dinner and at my apartment.

Truth be told, I hated it.

When I went to get a second cup of coffee, I noticed Lauren standing with a group of girls and snickering. She cast me a curious gaze, and I stared at the coffee machine as I fumed inside, remembering how she’d made Lily feel. Lauren was a self-serving bitch, and while I’d always known that, it bothered me more today. Lily had been hurt by her, and she deserved more than that, and more than her boyfriend and the way he made her feel.

“How was dinner?” Lauren’s voice carried over to me, and I stilled as I considered what to do. It would be unprofessional to tell her what a bitch she was, so I finished my task and turned slightly. I pretended I didn’t hear her to save myself from getting angry. Walking by her out of the room, I heard her whispering.

Lily was better off without her in her life and she’d see that, but Lauren could easily turn others against her. I’d never hated these women at the firm more than I did right now, and I looked at Lily as I approached her, realizing how different she was than any other woman I’d seen in years.

Even though her shoulders were stiff and she was trying to avoid my gaze, Lily was genuine and soft, while everyone else was selfish and harsh.

Friends asked me why I didn’t fuck more women at work, since there were beautiful ones all around me. Granted, I had slipped up a time or two before last weekend, but I knew Lily was the reason now as I passed her.

Her scent filled the air, and I realized it was cider. She smelled like a sweet and spicy cider, the kind Mom used to make at Christmas. I never knew women could buy that as a scent for their skin.

In my office, I sat and planned. I could give more to Lily than this boyfriend of hers on any given day, which made me want to put my plan into action. I wanted to take it slow and go about this in a subtle manner, at least at first. This week involved a tough client I was trying hard to woo, and Lily would be writing the content I’d presented over lunches that week, even planning drinks for Friday. It was that day that a bouquet of fresh purple flowers would be delivered to her desk in the morning, as well as lunch from the deli.

When I passed by her desk on Friday afternoon after lunch, I felt her eyes on me. Lily cleared her throat, and I glanced at her, seeing the curiosity in her eyes. “Is this you?” she asked as she gestured to the flowers and the remains of her lunch. I noticed that she wasn’t having lunch with Lauren or any of the other girls, and I saw the hurt on her face. I wasn’t ready to ask her to join me yet, but I knew we’d be working closely together next week. The opportunity would present itself.

“Was there a card?” I asked lightly as she narrowed her eyes. I knew there wasn’t, and I leaned down to look into her face. “It’s just a small thank you for helping me so much this week.”

“That’s my job,” Lily reminded me, making me shrug.

“That doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate it.” I walked back into my office with a smile as heat flooded her beautiful skin. She murmured a thank you before I was too far, and I paused before closing my door. I considered asking her to join my next client and me, but it was a bit soon after the last time we drank together. I also suspected that this client might enjoy something that might be a bit much for Lily.

I was right. We ended the night at one of the higher-scale strip clubs, and I watched the nude women move to the forced sexual beats of the songs, missing Lily’s curves and soft skin as I sipped whiskey. I had the deal of approval on the contract, so it had all paid off, but I didn’t want to be here. “How about a lap dance in the private room?” James asked with a wicked glint in his dark eyes. He was a pig of a man, but his catering company did very well at some of the bigger events in town. They would make us money.

“You go on. I’m just going to stay here and enjoy the view.” I held up my glass, and he nodded as he stumbled toward the back room that I was certain was filthy and likely covered in disease. There’d been a period that I spent time back there, and no matter how classy the establishment claimed to be, they were always the same once you went back to the private rooms. At one time, the impersonal feel of it all didn’t bother me. Now I knew what I wanted.



Lily

I left the flowers at my desk when I left for the weekend. I wanted to bring them home, but I’d felt the looks all week from Lauren and the others. I didn’t want to draw attention to myself further, thought I could play them up like they were from my boyfriend. That might make them pay less attention to me, as I knew they a



ll thought I’d slept with Landon that night. They weren’t wrong, and I deserved the looks and the whispers. I shamed myself day after day.

I had agreed to go to Brian’s tonight to hang out with his friends, and I headed to my car to make the short drive there. I’d chosen a more casual dress for work, something light and, oddly enough, purple. It matched the flowers Landon had sent me, and the thought made me smile now that I was alone. We’d barely spoken this week and the vibe with us was still awkward, though he’d had the decency not to bring up last weekend. I hoped it was over and forgotten, or did I?

It was the only fantasy getting me through the nights spent with Brian. It was the only thing that gave me any release, alone or with him. I was pathetic. As I stared out the window after Brian and I were finished that night, feeling lonely and unsatisfied, I was missing the way Landon and I had talked over dinner and the way he’d made me feel when I knew he was going to kiss me. I missed everything about the night I played through my head over and over, asleep and awake.

I got myself off silently as Brian slept beside me before I turned onto my side to fall asleep. The party was still going on in the living room, and I tried to drown out the noise, tired from my long day. I wondered if there would come a time when Brian would ever be ready to live in his own place, or maybe a place with me. Since I wasn’t in college anymore, I craved dinners after work as we talked alone in a peaceful apartment.

Jesus, I sounded like I wanted that with Brian. Did I? He had seemed to be going in that direction when we met, but all I’d seen him do since was revert to the past, when he’d been in college as well.

I lied and told him I had plans on Saturday so I could leave in the morning. I had no plans other than to veg on my couch and in my bed, getting a little solitude. I talked to my aunt a lot, confessing what I’d done, and she talked me through it. Amy assured me that we all got lost in the moment, and after my description, she was certain that Landon was gorgeous. She even googled him and told me that any woman would fall prey to those eyes.

At the end of one conversation on Sunday as we watched a movie together over the phone, I was laughing. I promised to come out to Philadelphia next weekend to visit her and her boyfriend, Lance, before telling her I loved her and ending the call. I talked to Brian a couple of times over the weekend too, but he was out and about with his friends while I was hiding from the cold, heavy air. The closer to winter it got, the less I wanted to be outside. New York was lovely around the holidays, no doubt. I just got cold a lot despite having grown up on the East Coast.