He moved to the chair a couple spots away from her as Rory sat down across from them. “What?” Dread filled his heart as he waited to hear what she had to say and Declan pressed his lips together.
“Well, clearly she’s really upset. This is all hitting her very hard.” Rayna started as she worried her hands together in a knot. “She…she wants to come to my house when she’s released from the hospital, Deck.” He stared forward as the fact that she’d never truly moved in settled uncomfortably in his stomach.
“She doesn’t want me anymore?” Rayna wiped a tear away at his words and her mouth opened and closed.
“I don’t think it’s that. She doesn’t want to burden you since you have school and the team…my mom is home all day. She can take care of her for a while.” Rayna made excuses as Declan stared forward with narrowed eyes and felt his heart drop. “She’ll come to her senses but she’s devastated right now.”
“Can I see her? Does she want to see me?” Declan asked as he felt Rayna’s eyes on him.
“Of course. She’ll be done with Mom soon and you can go right in.” Rayna replied as he pressed his feet into the ground firmly. Rory moved beside him but Declan was only focused on the fact that she wasn’t coming home to him. It resonated in his brain as his head started to pound and he closed his eyes tightly. “Don’t worry. She just takes things really hard. She’ll be fine.”
“I don’t think she’s faced this before. I am not all that reassured.” Declan told her as he started to massage his temples hard as if to increase the pain.
“Deck. You’re here.” Mary said as he blinked and looked at her. “Are you okay? You look tired.”
“I’m fine. Just a bit restless.” Declan shot a look at Rory to tell him to shut up as his best friend looked back at him in disbelief. The last thing Mallory’s family needed to know was that he was drinking himself into a coma. “How is she?”
“Sore. Heartbroken.” Mary glanced at Rayna to see her give a small nod. “Oh. So you know?”
“Yes, I know that she’s not planning on coming to my house.” Declan replied bitterly as Rory winced. “Should I go to see her or does she want to skip over that as well?”
“Deck. Stop this.” Rory shot out as decline gave him a weary look.
“Declan, she’s a mom that just lost her baby. She’s really upset and just needs some time.” Mary assured him as she stepped forward slowly.
“I’m a dad that lost my baby too. Oddly enough, I’m pretty upset too and I thought we’d work through it together.” Declan said as he stared boldly into her pale face. “I didn’t think she’d run from this.”
“I’m sorry. It’s what she learned after her parents passed due to her family.” Mary admitted as she sat down and swiped her thumb across her cheek to catch a tear. “I tried to convince her but she’s just…not all here.”
“I am going in just to look at her and hold her hand. I need to see her and then I’ll leave.” Declan decided out loud as he stood and walked away from the group. The walls seemed to close in on him as he continued down the hallway to her room blindly. There were people passing him but Declan didn’t stop until he was pressing his hand against the door softly. He rapped softly on the door and heard her soft voice saying to come in before he pushed it open. “Mal.”
She was frail and pale in the bed as she rested against the pillows gently. “Deck.” A tear slid down her cheek and she looked towards the window sadly. “I’m so sorry.”
“Sorry for what?” He asked her weakly as he sat down beside her and stared closely into her face.
“I lost her.” Her voice was so small and he reached out and took her hand as it remained limp in his grip. “I was supposed to protect her.”
“You did nothing wrong. He did.” Declan felt tears in his eyes again as he saw the remaining wreckage from the accident spread out in front of him. “He’s the one that hit you. He’s the one that took everything.” He clutched her hand as he rested his head against the pink blanket. “I could’ve been driving. That way I would be here and the two of you would be okay.” He felt her hand shake and took a deep breath. “Do you remember everything from when you got here?”
“Now I do. It took me a minute once I figured out why I was here.” She started to cry. Declan raised his head and moved closer to her to stroke her tangled hair. “She was beautiful, wasn’t she?”
“She looked so much like you.” He whispered brokenly as they cried together for a moment before he pressed his lips to hers softly. “Please come home with me. I need you, baby.”
“I just need some time. You’re so busy and Mary just works part time from the house. It’ll be easier.” She tried to reason with him as he breathed her in for a moment.
“Is that the only reason?” Declan pressed as he heard her let out a sob. “I love you. What happened doesn’t change that.”
“I’m lost right now. I just need…I don’t know what I need.” Mallory admitted as he pulled away slowly. His eyes never left hers, watery and red, but she looked out of the window again.
“Are we over?” Declan asked her as she pressed her dry lips together.
“I am just stuck. I don’t know.” Mallory found a new way to say it and he stood and walked towards the door as the pain filled him and started to break him down.
“Don’t let this simmer. See the doctor they recommended and find a way back to me.” Declan told her before he headed into the hallway and looked left and right. He just wanted to leave but Rory had brought him here. He decided to go back to the waiting room and all three looked up at him curiously when he stood near Rory. “I’m ready.”
“Deck? Did you talk to her?” Mary asked him as she stood up to prevent him from leaving. She grabbed his arm and stared at him until he met her gaze with his red eyes. “She needs you, honey. She just doesn’t know it yet. I’ll keep her safe and you come and see her.”
“We’ll see.” Rayna sank back into her chair as she cried and he shook his head at her when he was finished hugging her mom. “You threatened me for her, Ray. Don’t let her sink.”
“No way. She’ll be back.” Rayna’ s voice was shaking and Declan pressed his lips together before he glanced at Rory.
“Let’s go.” They walked to the car and Rory drove to their favorite diner in an unspoken agreement. Declan had been in a hurry to get to the hospital and they’d skipped any food before leaving the house.
Rory waited until they were seated at a table with coffee before he looked closely at his friend. “What happened in there?”
“She says that she needs time.” Declan responded as he shrugged. “She’s just void and she didn’t respond to me at all. Mallory isn’t here right now.”
“Mary had a good point, Deck.” Rory started to say before Declan stared at him.
“Again, we both lost our child. I want to get through it together but that’s not going to happen right now.” Declan said sadly before he sipped his coffee.
“Did she end it with you?” Rory asked and Declan frowned.
“Not in so many words. She’s just gone right now.” Declan explained as Rory shook his head. “I’ll wait for her. I have nothing else that I could do right now.”
“You guys had it all. She’ll be back.” Declan shrugged and glanced up as their waitress brought their food to the table. The guys ate and moved on to other topics such as rugby and school but Declan was clearly still focused on Mallory as he tried to move forward.
Rory dropped Declan off to get his car and they went to the gym to work out. Hangover or not, Declan had to work out his feelings right now or else he felt like he was going to break in half. He worked hard on his arms and legs for over an hour and thought about the game since he was now playing again as opposed to coaching. They’d replaced their lost coach with a man that had the experience and the skills to do the job but it hurt all of them to see a new face there. Declan took over again as a strong lead player though right now he sipped his water and wondered if he could even do this.
He dreamed of coach every night after the baby died, mixing the tragedies together in one horrifying sequence that woke him up in a cold sweat.
CHAPTER 4
Declan glanced over the field as he trampled with his team to start the game the weekend after everything had happened. He’d been practicing hard and on the outside, he looked like he was in top shape and ready. He faked enthusiasm for everyone all of the time and was into the sport again. On the inside, he was broken and alone but he used that in the game and played rougher than he ever had before. Coach Mike and Coach Ken pushed him as they watched him closely since Mike knew what he was going through. He hated to see something else happening like this but Declan had assured him that he was fine to play. He told him that he needed to. They went with that and Declan tried to accept Ken as best he could through the pain of what had happened to the former man in his shoes and the emotions that he struggled with.