He shook those thoughts off. They were foolish, he knew. Even if things started to work out between them, they were a long way off from thinking about marriage. But still, it was easy to imagine it. And it felt good.
The ceremony itself was fairly quick and simple. When it was done, Cole drove Amanda and James over to the rented hall where the reception was being held. There was plenty of food, and an open bar. Cole didn't intend to drink too much, but when Amanda continued ignoring him as the night went on, he found himself drinking more and more. By the time he stopped to think about how many he'd had, he was already quite buzzed. Enough, at least, that he had the guts to press Amanda in order to find out what was wrong.
He scooted his chair next to hers and took her hand. She had been quiet for a while, watching James dance with a group of other young children off to one side of the dance floor. When he took her hand, she looked up at him, a hesitant expression on her face.
“Amanda,” he said, trying to sort out his thoughts through the haze of alcohol. “Did I do something wrong?”
She frowned thoughtfully, studying his face for a long moment. Then she reached out and touched his cheek. “No. No, Cole, you didn't do anything wrong.”
Her words almost consoled him, except that she turned back away from him, her shoulders hunched. “Something must be wrong,” he said. “I'm not stupid. I can tell.”
“Just forget about it.”
“Why?” He shifted his chair so she had to face him. She turned her face away, but he leaned forward and made her look at him. “Amanda, I know I haven't been a part of your life for a long time, but we made a connection this weekend. I know we did.”
“Life isn't all about romance and magic, Cole.” Amanda shook her head, a sad frown on her face.
“Who says it has to be?” he asked. “Why can't it just be about two people making a connection. Feeling something for each other.”
“Are you saying you feel something for me?” She frowned deeper, finally meeting his eyes.
“Yes.”
“How do I know you don't just want sex?”
“Because...” Cole sighed and shook his head. “I don't know. Because I'm telling you I do. Because I want something more.”
“And you really think that would work?” She shook her head. “You live on the other side of the country. You have your career. And I have my son.”
“Our son,” Cole said.
Amanda froze. Her face went pale. She licked her lips. “Cole...I...”
“You don't think I couldn't figure it out?” He leaned back in his chair, looking across the room at James. The little guy was having a great time, dancing up a storm. “I get why you never told me, I do. But it's different now.”
Amanda shook her head, wrapping her arms around herself. “No. It's not that simple.”
“Why can't it be?”
“Because it just isn't!”
She got up and stormed out of the room. Cole followed, catching up to her in the lobby. The music was quieter there, muted by the doors, and there was no one else around but the two of them.
“Do you expect me to believe you're really going to change, Cole?” Amanda asked, spreading her arms. “Am I supposed to believe that you'll stop sleeping around? That you'll take responsibility for your son? That you'll be there for him? You won't even be here tomorrow. What does that say about any kind of future we could have?”
“I can make a change,” Cole said. “Transfer to a different team. Maybe play for Philadelphia. I mean, I've got a contract, but I can find a way out of it.”
“And then what?” Amanda let out a wry laugh, shaking her head. “You want to play house? Pretend like we're a family? This isn't a game, Cole. I deserve better than that. James deserves better.”
“And I want to give it to you. To both of you.”
He stepped forward and placed his hands on her arms, looking into her eyes. “Amanda, I've had a lot of time to think these past few days. A lot of time to look at my life and realize all of the mistakes I've made. I made a lot of dumb choices. But there's been something missing in my life. Something missing for a long time. And I finally know what that is.”
“What?” Amanda asked, looking at him hesitantly.
“You.”
She slowly shook her head, tears welling in her eyes. “But how do I know...?”
“You never know,” Cole said. “Not for sure. No one ever does. But I want to try. That's all I'm asking you to do is try.”
He gestured through the glass doors into the main hall. “James deserves a chance at a better life. The kind of life I can help provide for him. With a father, with a real family. I know you've done the best you can, but I've seen how hard it's been. Let me have the chance to make it up to you. To make it up to him.”
“And what if it doesn't work,” Amanda asked, “and James ends up getting hurt in the long run?”
“I promise you that won't happen. Even if things don't work out between you and me, no matter what, I want to do right by James. Provide for him. Help you take care of him. I can afford to make sure he has everything he'll ever need. Clothes, food, the best toys. And a college fund.”
Amanda wiped the tears from her cheeks, a thoughtful expression on her face. “I do want to make sure he gets the chance to go to college. I don't want him to have to struggle the way I did.”
“Then let me help.” Cole took both of her hands in his. “Just let me try. Give me a chance.”
Amanda stepped closer. There was the light of hope in her eyes. “I'm not making any promises,” she said.
“I'm not asking for any.”
He pulled her close and pressed his lips against hers. She held herself stiff for a moment, then she melted into his arms. Her hands slipped around his neck and she leaned close to him, their bodies melding together. The tension melted away, and just for that moment, everything was perfect.
They went back in to join the rest of the party, and Amanda even danced a couple of slow dances with him. They talked a bit about how they were going to handle this new and uncertain relationship. He still had to fly back home for the Monday night game, and there were some training and practice sessions that he wouldn't be able to miss. But they made arrangements for him to fly back out next week, when he'd be able to take a few days off. And the week after that, his team was playing in New York, which would give him the chance to drive down and see Amanda and James while he was on the east coast.
At the end of the night, Cole drove Amanda and James back home. They went upstairs together and Amanda tucked James into the bed. They stepped out into the hall and Amanda shut James's door.
Cole slipped his arms around Amanda's waist.
She stepped away, pulling his hands off of her. “Not tonight.”
“Why not?”
“Because, I want to wait.”
“Wait for what?” Cole frowned in confusion.
“Until next week. Just...please? I want to wait.”
“All right.” Cole held back a sigh of frustration. He supposed she wanted to prove that their relationship was about something more than just sex. He could respect that.
She walked him to the door, where they shared a long and intimate kiss. Then he headed home, filled with sexual frustration, but also with hope for the future. He might be leaving her tonight, but he knew he would be back, and soon, everything would be the way it was supposed to be.
Chapter 13
Over the next few weeks, Amanda almost felt like she was in a real relationship. Cole was only in town a couple of days each week, but even if he couldn't be there for long, he flew out in order to spend time with her and James. Some nights, after they put James to bed, they made love long into the night. James even seemed to get used to the idea of Cole being there in the morning when he woke up.
Cole spoiled James each time he came to visit. He brought clothes, toys, and books. On the third visit, he brought James a bicycle. James was so excited that he made them take him outside right away so he could start learning to ride it. He wobbled a lot, but the training wheels helped him stay upright.
When James's birthday was approaching, Cole asked Amanda, “Can we do something for his birthday? I was thinking of a party at my parents' house.”
They were sitting in the kitchen, talking over a couple of cups of coffee. James was in the other room, reading some of his new storybooks. This was the first time Cole had asked about doing something with his family. And it made Amanda realize they were finally at a serious crossroads.
“You want to introduce him to your parents?” she asked.
“Well, yeah.” Cole shrugged. “I mean, they're his grandparents.”
“Right.” Amanda tapped her fingers against her coffee cup, thinking it over. She knew this was a step they needed to take if this relationship was ever going to work. It would be the big test. If Cole could really introduce James to his grandparents, it would mean he was really taking responsibility for his son. Making him a part of the family.
If they could do that, Amanda realized, it would mean that all of this was finally real. She wouldn't just be the girl Cole was sleeping with. He would be declaring to everyone that he was a father, and that would be the greatest gesture he could make.
“It sounds like a great idea,” she said.