I glance at her and she looks back. She smiles a little sheepishly, but the color’s returning to her cheeks.
“Spell it out for me,” I say to Harold.
“We want you and Holly to date,” he says simply.
I stare at him for a second and then start laughing. I can’t help myself, it’s just such an absurd thing to say. Holly looks a little insulted.
“What’s wrong with dating me?” she asks me.
“Nothing, nothing at all,” I say, grinning my face off. “It’s just, goddamn, are you really asking me to date her for the sake of the movie?”
Harold smiles a little and exchanges another look with Franklin. “This isn’t unheard of,” he says to me. “Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise did it for years. Brad and Angelina. Jay Z and Beyoncé.”
“Wait, hold up,” I say, shocked. “You mean Jay Z and Beyoncé aren’t really in love?”
Harold laughs and gestures at me. “This is Hollywood, Jackson. Nothing is real here, not even the music people.”
I’m fucking appalled. I feel like my whole world is collapsing. If Jay Z and Beyoncé aren’t really in love, then nothing is true. I don’t know if I can even believe in real love anymore.
“It won’t be so bad,” Holly says. “My last boyfriend was fake.”
“It’s a tried and true promotional thing,” Franklin adds. “People love seeing movies where the leads are together in real life.”
“It’ll supercharge the box office,” Harold says. “You two date, do the press tour together, and when the movie comes out on DVD, you break up.”
“Which’ll drive DVD sales,” Vincent chimes in.
“Fucking hell, you guys have it all planned out,” I say, shaking my head and smiling.
Harold smiles at me, leaning toward me over the table. “Look, Jackson, I know you’re new at this, but trust me. This is a regular part of it. Your relationship with Holly won’t be real.”
I glance at her again and she shrugs a little at me. “Like I said, I’ve done it before. So I wouldn’t mind giving it another shot.”
I sigh and sip my drink, stalling for time. They’re all looking at me, waiting for me to say something, but I don’t know what to say.
“I’m not interested,” I say finally.
Vincent and Harold exchange another look. “I think that’s a mistake,” Harold says.
“Why?” I ask him. “Going to replace me, reshoot everything I already did? Truth is, guys, I hate this Hollywood shit. I’m not selling myself that much.”
I push back from the table and stand. Harold stands with me and walks by my side as I head back through the house.
“Okay, Jackson, listen, just think about it,” he says to me. “Understand? Just think about it.”
“Nothing to think about,” I say to him as I reach the front door. “But if you’ve got something real for me, come and find me.”
He smiles at me. “I gotta say, I respect you for standing up like this, but it’s a mistake.”
“Maybe,” I say with a little shrug. “We’ll see.”
I push out the door and head back down the driveway toward the car that’s still waiting for me.
I can’t do this fake relationship shit, not when Tara is already jealous of Holly. It’ll wreck her and wreck what he have. We just kissed and she’s finally starting to open up to me a little bit. If I do this fake relationship, it’ll destroy her.
I won’t do that to her again. I can’t do it. Even though they’re making it sound like a totally normal thing, it’s fucking not. I won’t get sucked into the Hollywood way of thinking and looking at things, not if I can help it.
I’m above that, or at least I want to be. I need to do better, for her sake as well as for my own.
12
Tara
I feel like I’m back in high school again.
When we were younger, we mostly keep our relationship to ourselves. Everyone knew we were together, of course, but we weren’t hanging off each other in the hallways like a lot of the other couples.
I liked that about him. He wasn’t exactly reserved, but he was serious. I felt like making out with him in the hall would somehow disrespect what we had, like our relationship was real compared to all the other fake ones around us. It made it feel special again.
I feel that way now. It’s so stupid and insane, since I’m an adult now and we are definitely not in a relationship, but I can’t help but look at him and feel that, even if it’s just a shade of that teenage-brain-induced love madness.
I can’t lie and pretend like I don’t enjoy it. I like that we kissed yesterday, and I like that nobody knows about it. He hasn’t come up to me yet today, although he did smile when he came onto set. Mostly he’s working through the action sequences set up for today, and I’m doing my job as well, but I keep stealing glances at him. I keep thinking about that kiss, the way it felt, and I keep feeling like a schoolgirl again.