I’m completely cut off from the world, which is exactly what my father wants. One night, about three weeks into my sentence, I woke up in he middle of the night to try and sneak out, desperate to do something. But there was a man sitting outside of my door, and as soon as I opened it, he was alert and watching. I had to pretend like I was going downstairs for a late night snack, but he totally saw through that.
My relationship with Gavin began to suffer. At first, we spent a lot of time having phone sex and trading pictures all day. I sent him so many dirty selfies that I can barely even count them now, although the phone’s camera is pretty awful. He talked dirty to me every night for the first three weeks.
But with his businesses in trouble, Gavin is busier than ever. So one month after this all began, we’re not having as much phone sex as we were, and he’s not able to text me all day long like he was at first.
I’m going stir crazy. Absolutely stir crazy.
Which is why I don’t even notice at first when I miss my period.
I’m really regular. Like, really regular. It’s like clockwork, and I’m never, ever late. I don’t know why I’m so regular, but I simply am, and that makes it easy to plan around. But because I’m so bored and distracted by everything that’s happening, I don’t even notice that I’m late until three days later when I’m in the shower and I suddenly realize what the date is.
I try not to freak out at first. I know it’s so freaking unlikely that I got pregnant the very first time I ever had sex. True, we didn’t use protection, which was maybe not the smartest thing in the world. I just thought that it was safe to go without it, but when I actually sit down and do the math, I realize how horribly wrong I was.
But no, I can’t be pregnant. I just can’t be. He didn’t come inside of me that very first time, but I realize with horror that he did later on in the night, practically because I begged him to.
I feel so stupid, but there has to be some other reason for why I’m late. I decide not to tell Gavin right away, just to avoid worrying him and adding unnecessary stress.
But three days turns into four days which turns into five days, and my period still hasn’t come.
I need to take a test. I absolutely have to take a pregnancy test, but I don’t know how to do it. I consider approaching Peter about it, but ever since I came back from Gavin’s apartment that night, Peter hasn’t really been interested in talking to me. That hurts a lot, but it can’t be helped, since he is still a slave to my family.
No, I can’t trust Peter, and I can’t trust Michael. I can’t just ask my mother, because if I am pregnant, she’ll just force me to have an abortion or to go away somewhere and have the baby, then force me to put it up for adoption. I can only imagine the heinous things she’d say to me. I don’t even want to picture how my father would react.
And since I’m under constant guard, I can’t just go to the store and get it myself. I can’t order it online, since I can’t get online, and I don’t know who I could contact to ask for help. I don’t trust any of my friends, even if they were home. The gossip in my community is so crazy and intense that I know the second I tell someone I’m pregnant, everyone will know, and my parents will murder me.
I have only one option and it’s the last thing I want to do.
I stare at my phone, six days after my missed period. It’s six o’clock at night. I have dinner with my family and pretend like everything is fine, even though it’s definitely not.
My heart is hammering when I’m back in my bedroom with the phone in my hand. I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do or what Gavin is going to say. He never signed up for this. He never wanted to get some virgin like me pregnant. He says he wants to see me more, even wants to take care of me and be my Daddy, but he never said anything about being a dad for real.
I can’t put it off. I don’t have other options. I dial his number and wait as it rings.
He answers on the third ring. “Hey, you,” he says. “I was hoping I’d hear from you, Sadie girl.”
“Gavin,” I say quickly. “We need to talk.”
He pauses. “This sounds serious. Are you okay?”
“I think so,” I say. “I mean, yeah, I am.”
“Is it your family?” he asks. “I can come for you right now. Just say the word.”
I blink, a little surprised. “No, it’s not that. I mean, it’s sort of that. Just, listen, okay?”
“Okay,” he says, though I can tell he wants to ask more questions.
I take a deep breath to calm myself. I’m practically shaking with nerves. “Gavin, I missed my period.”