Filthy (A Bad Boy Romance)(26)

“That was mean,” I tell Cain in a low voice.

“Eh, he’ll survive.” Cain sits down on a bench and grabs a towel out of his open locker. He scrubs some of the sweat off his chest and out of his hair. “Sorry,” he says. “I’d go ahead and take a shower, but I don’t want to wait with this.”

“With what?” I ask as he turns away again, reaching back into the locker. He takes out a manila envelope. It has papers in it, I can tell. Not a huge stack, but not unsubstantial either. I can’t see anything written on it. “What is it?” I ask as he hands it over.

He nods toward it. “Open it. Take a look.”

I study his face for a second, looking for some kind of clue there, but he just cocks an eyebrow and crosses his arms over his elbows. So I open the envelope and pull out the contents.

It’s a catalog from UCLA. Inside the catalog is a sheaf of papers with specific classes, including the schedule for the upcoming semester. A couple of them even have a syllabus included.

I stare at it for a minute, unable to process exactly what I’m looking at. Then I notice the class information pages all have my name on them, with the number of credits listed for each class. There’s also an invoice. It’s marked “Paid.”

No, this can’t be what I think it is. I look up at Cain, dumbfounded, feeling the edges of my eyes going hot.

He’s got a smile on his face like nothing I’ve ever seen on him. It’s gentle and open and loving and insufferably smug all at the same time. Gently he says, “You need to follow your heart, babe. This will get you started.”

“You…signed me up for classes?”

“Yep. You’re all set for that degree. I want to see you as a PA.” He leans forward and kisses my forehead. “You’ll be great at it. I mean, you’re great at taking care of me, right?”

Hot tears slide down my cheeks before I can do anything to stop them. I can’t believe he’s done this. “Cain… I don’t know what to say.”

He kisses me again, this time on the mouth, and uses a thumb to smooth the tears off my face. “Say you’ll be there for the first day of the semester, and that you’ll give it all you’ve got and make straight As.”

I shake my head, unbelieving. “I’ll be there for the first day of the semester, and I’ll give it all I’ve got. I’m not guaranteeing the As—these are hard courses.”

He grins. “You can do it. I know you can.”

I look down at the papers again. These are hard courses, but just looking at the names of them makes my heart flutter with excitement. I can’t wait to get started. But…

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“This is everything I’ve ever dreamed of, but what about you and your dreams? Isn’t there something you want to do? Beyond fighting? Beyond…” I pause, second-guessing myself, but in the end I go ahead and say it. “Beyond following my father’s orders?”

He nods slowly. “There are things I’ve wanted. When I was a kid, all I wanted was a family. Then I just wanted a place—somewhere—somewhere I felt like I belonged. Then it was winning my first fight, then it was coming to LA where I could send my career farther up the professional circuit.” He pauses, shakes his head a little. “Fighting is all I know, Jess. It’s all I’ve ever done. There shouldn’t be any shame in making a living at what you’re good at.”

I grasp at his arm, desperate to get my point through to him. “But, Cain, you deserve everything you’ve ever wanted. And you could be so much more than just a fighter.”

His eyes flash for a moment and his mouth presses down to a thin line. I wonder if I’ve said too much. Inadvertently insulted him by implying that exactly what he is isn’t enough for me. But then his expression shifts, and I can tell he’s mulling something over. Finally he takes my arm and leads me toward the back of the locker room, into a corner. There’s no one else there, but I get the impression he doesn’t want to take a chance on anyone overhearing us.

“Here’s the deal, babe,” he says as he sits on a bench and gestures for me to do the same. His voice is low but urgent. “I’m not going to be your dad’s lapdog much longer.”

“What do you mean?”

He’s silent a moment then gives a decisive nod. “I got the new fight schedule and my instructions. Your dad wants me to throw the next fight—the one he keeps holding over my head. But I’m not going to throw it. I’m winning it.”

It takes me a few seconds to absorb what he’s just said. “Cain, you can’t. He’ll kill you. He told you that last time you won a fight you were supposed to throw.”

“I know he’ll want to. But I’m going to take the money, and take you, and we’re going to get the hell out of here. Go live our own lives. Make something real, just for the two of us.”

I’m crying again, but this time it’s in fear, not gratitude. “Cain. He will kill you. It doesn’t matter what we do or where we go, he’ll find us. Find you. Then where will I be? Back under his thumb, but this time I’ll be…” I break off, realizing what I was about to say. I bite my lip. God. I can’t tell him that. Not yet.

Or can I? Maybe it’s the only thing that’ll get through to him.

“You said you wanted a family.” My voice is low and shaky. I grab my purse and start fishing through it. “What if you had a family? Would you really want to risk your life? Risk your health? Your brain? What if you had more than just a wife to come home to?”

“But I don’t, so it’s a moot point. And, I mean, of course I want to come home to you after every fight, but what else am I supposed to do?”

I’ve found what I was looking for in my purse, and I take it out, gripping it tightly. My hands are shaking. “You don’t have a family now, but you will.”

I hand him the pregnancy test. I just took it this morning, and the double blue line is still clear as day.

He takes it hesitantly, as if he’s not sure what it is. I scoot a little closer to him, desperate to make him listen. “Cain, it’s just you and me right now, but it won’t be for long. And I want you to be able to come home with me to take care of our baby.” He’s still staring at the little plastic stick, and I can’t tell what he’s thinking. He looks like somebody hit him in the head. “Cain… I love you.”

His gaze finally shifts up to me, and I move back away from him sharply, adrenaline tightening my diaphragm. For the first time since we started this crazy ride, I’m actually afraid of him. There’s something in his eyes I can’t make sense of. I swallow hard, every sense going on high alert.

“You’re pregnant?” The words sound choked, like he can barely get them out. “How…” He stops, closes his eyes, swallows.

What the hell, Cain? My first instinct is to lash out, to remind him harshly that he was the one who wanted to forget about the condom, not me. And guess what happens when you decide to ditch a condom? But I take a slow breath and make myself calm down. His hand holding the test is shaking.

I lay a hand on his arm, feeling the shivering in his tendons. “Cain—”

“Why?” he says then, his tone hard and brittle as he jerks back from my touch. “When?”

I’m flustered, but I manage to find words. “It has to have been at least a couple of weeks. Maybe it was right after the wedding, but I’m not sure.”

He scrubs at his forehead. “Oh my God. Shit.”

He doesn’t seem to be able to put enough words together to make a sentence. It’s scaring me. Is he upset? Overwhelmed? Is he mad at me?

I reach for him again, hoping to be able to calm him down. “Cain… It’ll be—”

But he’s not even listening to me anymore. He shoves to his feet, pacing the locker room. I can’t make anything out of the expression on his face. He seems infuriated, but there’s something else. Something rawer.

“This is too much, Jess. It’s just too much.”

“We can handle it together—”

“What the hell do you think a kid’s going to grow up like with me as a father? I never even had one! How am I supposed to do this? How are we supposed to do this?”

He wheels on me, and suddenly he throws the plastic stick across the room. It hits a locker behind me, and I hear it slide to the floor. I wince. He’s staring at me.

“I can’t be a father. I don’t know how. How am I supposed to know how? How the hell is this ever going to work? We don’t even know if we’re okay yet, and there’s going to be a baby now? God, I should have thought about this.”

His words have all become a blur, and I’m not even sure what he’s saying anymore. I’ve gone into flight-or-fight mode. And there’s no way I can fight him, so I just flee. As fast as I can, running out of the locker room and into the gym.

Behind me I hear him calling my name. His tone has changed, edged with desperation. But I can barely see, my eyes are so blurred with tears, and I don’t turn around.





CHAPTER NINE