He bites my earlobe. “You speak Spanish?”
“A little.”
“You need to talk dirty to me in Spanish next time we have sex.”
I laugh. “I’m not sure I know the right vocabulary for that.”
“Look it up. I bet it’s on the Internet.”
“I bet it is.”
I go quiet for a while, and he contents himself with kissing my cheek and leaning back, at the same time looping his arm over my shoulders. I feel… I don’t even know how to describe how I feel. Free? Maybe not. I’m a little buzzed from whatever’s in my umbrella drink—umbrella drinks are the worst, because they throw in everything short of the alcoholic kitchen sink. I’m even more buzzed from Cain’s nearness, though, the heat coming off his body and the smell of him, musky and dark and thoroughly Cain. He never wears cologne, but the soap he uses has its own sort of sandalwood undertones, and his hair always smells like almonds when it’s not sweaty from a fight.
I can’t wait until we get to our hotel room. I’ll sacrifice a day at the beach to have Cain on me, in me, over me, under me—anything and everything we can think of. I just want him. Cancún will always be there. Cain…
Well, he might not, and I shove that thought back just as soon as I have it. Because that’s not where I want my brain to be right now. I just want to be happy. Happily honeymooning.
Happily married.
I lean my head against Cain’s shoulder—my husband’s shoulder—and breathe him in.
#
The next thing I know, I’m waking up to the sound of the captain’s voice telling us we’re descending into the Cancún airport. I get myself together, straightening my hair, and notice that Cain is looking at me with a dumb grin on his face.
“What?” I demand.
“You’re funny. You snored. And I think you drooled on me a little.”
“Ha ha,” I say without humor. It’s a little embarrassing, but he doesn’t seem too put off, so I let it go. If he can put up with being drooled on, then I can put up with him teasing me about it a little.
The hotel is fancier than I expected. I suppose that’s another way he’s trying to make this honeymoon as special as he can. We make our way up to the fourth floor, to a room at the end of the hallway with a spectacular view of the ocean. I step out onto the balcony for a few minutes just to take it in. The breeze is just cool enough, coming off the water, and the sun is heading down, casting orange over the clouds, reflecting off the rippling ocean. It’s so beautiful. So peaceful.
When I turn around and head back into the room, Cain’s frowning at his phone. I wonder what the problem is, but then I remember I turned mine off before the plane took off and I never turned it back on. I fish it out of my purse and hit the power button.
“This room is fantastic, Cain. I don’t know how you managed—”
And then I stop. Because my phone is going insane. Buzzing, ring-toning, text after text after text after call notification after voice mail notification scrolling up from where they’d been sent during the plane trip.
Oh my God. I sit down on the bed with a thump, my eyes going hot. It’s Pop. Every one of them. And when I start to scroll through the text messages, my hands start to shake.
Where are you, Jessica? You need to be home. Now.
What am I hearing about Cain? Goddammit, Jess, if this is true I swear I kill him.
Who am I kidding. I’ll kill both of you. HOW DARE YOU?!!
I put the phone down for a second, trying to catch my breath. I can feel hot tears on my face, but I don’t remember actually shedding them.
“Jess?” Cain’s voice, as gentle as I’ve ever heard it.
I turn my attention back to the phone. I don’t even want to hear the voice mail messages if the texts are this vitriolic.
He’s a dead man, so enjoy him while you have him.
How can you defy me like this? I’m your GODDAMN FATHER!!
Your mother would roll over—
I don’t get to read the end of that one, because Cain abruptly snatches the phone from my hand. He looks through the texts himself, his face going red. I start to sob.
“No, give it back. Y-you don’t need to read that.”
He doesn’t give it back. He keeps scrolling. “That fucking son of a bitch. What right does he have to talk to you like that?”
He’s my father, I think, but I don’t say it out loud. Suddenly he tosses the phone away. I see it skitter under the desk and hit the wall. It’s still buzzing.
Cain sits next to me on the bed and puts his arms around me, pulling me against his chest. “Shhh. Jess, it’s okay. It’s okay. I’m here. I’ll take care of you.”
“You can’t. This was a bad idea, Cain, we can’t—”
“Stop it. No one is going to hurt you on my watch. Not even your goddamn father. I swear to God, if he tries to lay a hand on you, I will kill him.”
“Cain, no.” It’s comforting in its way to hear him say he’ll protect me, but there’s so much violence swirling around me right now—the hurtful words, the threats from my father. And Cain’s shaking against me, he’s so angry, and that alone is frightening. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him act the least bit afraid.
He strokes my hair. This is better, just the gentle, comforting touch. Better than his promises of violence, even if it’s targeted to protect me. I don’t think I could stand to see him get hurt on my account.
I clench my fists and set them next to each other in the middle of his chest. His shirt is damp already from where I’ve had my face pressed against it. I can’t stop crying. What have we done? What have we done?
#
A long time later we head down to the beach. I’m wearing appropriate beach garb that makes me feel more exposed than it ever has in the past even though it’s a fairly conservative two-piece. I’m calmer, but my face feels tight and sticky from crying. Cain insisted we get something to eat, so he ordered up room service and I managed to choke down part of a salad and a few bites of chicken. My stomach’s still roiling, but I try to keep my emotions under control. For Cain’s sake if nothing else. If I start to cry again, he’ll flip his shit again, and I can’t deal with it. I just want things to settle back down.
Fat chance of that. I’ve done what I felt I had to do, and it’s split my family apart. Probably endangered my life and that of my new husband.
But what the hell else was I supposed to do? I press my lips tight together, fighting back more tears. Cain squeezes my hand.
“No more crying, Jess. What did I say?”
“You said no more crying.” My voice is dead, in spite of my attempt at humor.
“That’s right. Because it’s going to be okay. I’m going to make sure of that.”
I don’t know how he can, but I nod. He leads me by the hand down the trail that winds its way from the hotel grounds to the white sand beach I saw from the balcony only a few hours ago. It seems like a lifetime—I was so calm then, so centered. So peaceful.
Now? Not so much.
It’s not just the threats and fury from my father. It’s me questioning what’s between Cain and me. He was quick to swear he’d protect me, but why? Because he has feelings for me, or because he wants to be sure our deal stays intact? Is he wanting to save my skin or his own?
I blink back more tears, frustrated with the fact they won’t stop gathering along my eyelashes. Why did I think this kind of arrangement between the two of us would be enough for me? Is this really any different from the way my father manipulates people?
I can’t have these thoughts right now. It’s too much.
Cain must sense that I’m upset, because he draws me a little closer and presses his face against my hair. If he doesn’t have real feelings for me, he sure knows how to act like it. He’s gone from just wanting to fuck me to actually wanting to touch me, hold me. Comfort me, even.
“Jess…”
I nod. “I know. It’s going to be okay.” I try not to sound doubtful or sarcastic as I say it, but it’s hard. I don’t seem to have the same kind of confidence he does about the situation.
“What are we going to do?” I murmur, and I’m not sure he can even hear me over the soft breeze and the sound of the ocean.
He does though. “We’re going to hole up here for a while. Our flight back isn’t for a week. By that time, your father will have cooled his jets a little and not be on such a rampage. Then we go back, and we deal.”
I nod. He sounds so certain. Maybe he’s right. Maybe Pop won’t be able to sustain that level of anger for a whole week. I have my doubts though. Pop is pretty damn good at being mad. It’s like he has an advanced degree in anger.
Still drawing me gently along by the hand, Cain steers us toward a quiet area behind a rocky outcropping. The sand is soft and just high enough that the waves don’t come in to cover it. We sit down and Cain draws me half into his lap. I stretch my legs out, and the waves come just high enough to spray my feet. The warmth of the water feels a little like tears.
“Just trust me,” he says. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you. I promise.”
I wonder if he’s as determined to make sure nothing happens to him, but I know the answer. He’s not. And that’s part of why the tears keep leaking down my face. I want to protect him as much as he says he wants to protect me, but I can’t.