Filmed_ An Alpha Bad Boy Romance(59)

“I honestly don’t know,” I said.

“And you said he’s back into drugs, too?”

“He was, but he’s getting clean again.”

“Linda.” Chris gave me her most serious look, and I perked up. I could tell she was gearing up for a lecture. “You can’t be with this guy if he’s going to be into that shit. You just can’t. It’s bad news for him and it’s even worse for you. Remember how much of a mess you were those first few weeks? Imagine that, but multiplied by a thousand.”

I nodded my head. I knew she was right, and the logical part of me was screaming bloody murder every time I thought about seeing him next. But I couldn’t turn my back on him, no matter how much I wanted to try and preserve myself, because he hadn’t turned his back on all of his friends when they needed him.

“He’s not a bad person, Chris. He’s complicated.”

She rolled her eyes. “That’s just an excuse. Look, if you think you can help him and still keep your sanity, I think you should. But I don’t want to see you get hurt again.”

“I know, I know. That’s what I want to avoid, too.”

We lapsed into silence for a second, each of us lost in our own separate thought process. My last meeting with Noah had gone really well, at least much better than I had anticipated. He promised he was going to meetings with Ellie, and he seemed genuinely into the whole idea of a documentary about Miss H. But I didn’t know how I was going to trust him again, especially after the way he callously threw me aside. I understood his motivations better, and I was getting close to being able to forgive him, but I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be able to forget everything he had put me through.

“Why are you putting yourself through all this?” Chris asked, breaking the silence.

I looked at her, confused.

She shook her head. “I know it’s weird, but I just don’t get it. I don’t get why you’re dragging yourself through all of this just to help some guy who dicked you over. Hell, I don’t get why you even got involved to begin with.”

That surprised me. I had never really looked into my motivations too much; I had always assumed that being a good person was enough.

“I really don’t know, Chris. I guess there’s something about him.”

“I’ve never really felt that way about anyone.” She laughed and took a big bite of her food. “Honestly, I’m not sure that I want to,” she said through a full mouth.

“It’s not all bad, you know. There was plenty of good. Might still be.”

“Look, I can’t give you good advice on this,” she said, swallowing. “I think that if you want to make this movie, and you want to do it with Noah, go for it. I know that seems like I’m contradicting myself, or whatever, but I don’t know. I’m a little jealous of you.”

“You’re jealous of me? Be serious.” Chris was the most fantastic person I know, and couldn’t imagine her being jealous of anything, let alone of me.

“Like I said, I’ve never felt that way about someone, and maybe I don’t want to. But I can see how happy it made you, even if it also made you pretty depressed.”

“It has been a lot of ups and downs. It’s not always like that, though.”

“Maybe it is and maybe it isn’t, but at least you’re trying. I think I want to experience it all, even if it hurts and burns and makes you break, just a little bit. So you should go after him, if you want.”

I had never heard Chris talk that way before. I stared at her as she tore into her food again. She was probably the grossest eater I had ever seen, but she was also one of the smartest people I knew.

“Where did that come from?” I asked.

She grinned at me, her mouth full. “Who knows?”

I laughed, and we lapsed back into silence as we tucked into our food. She may have been torn about whether or not she wanted to fall in love, or even to let herself be vulnerable with another person, but I didn’t have that luxury. It had already happened for me, and would keep happening if I let myself fall back in with him.

I walked down the steps toward the theater, inwardly dreading another long night cleaning up after Selena’s messes. She had improved, if only slightly, after I had called her out for doing the trash wrong. But for the most part, she was clueless. Still, I liked her, and she was a pretty decent friend, so I couldn’t exactly get her fired.

Grumbling, I turned the corner, then stopped short. Up ahead, leaning against the box office, was Noah. He was smiling, and I could see Chelsea laughing at something he had said. After a second, he looked up and spotted me, and his smile lit up the space between us. He looked much better than the last time I had seen him. The bags under his eyes were smaller, and he looked cleaner, less disheveled and tired. I walked over and joined him in front of the box office.