I wasn’t in the mood to thank the cousins for coming, since none of them had bothered when he was alive, but I also didn’t want to start a fight in the cemetery, so I kept my mouth shut. As everyone climbed into their cars, intent on meeting at the restaurant, my father cornered me.
“Are you coming?” he asked.
“I didn’t plan on it.”
“I’d really like it if you came.”
“Like I said, I have some shit to do back at home.”
He stared at me and got that look on his face. “You’re coming to fucking lunch.”
I stepped up to him, sick of his bullying, and sick of his attitude. “I’m not coming to lunch. I’m going to go home and grieve for my fucking grandfather.”
He snarled, and I could tell he was ready to hit me. “I’m so sick of you acting like a spoiled baby, Noah.”
“And I’m tired of you pushing me around, you old fuck.”
“Cut the shit you little brat. Come to lunch, smile and make nice with the fucking family, and then you can go home and keep wasting my fucking money.”
“No. I’m going home.” I moved around him, heading toward my car.
“Are you still seeing that girl?” he called out.
I stopped and turned. He grinned at me. We were alone in the cemetery, and everyone else had already slowly driven off, excited for a free meal from their famous family member.
“I am,” I said quietly.
“What did you say?”
“I’m still fucking seeing her,” I said more loudly.
He shook his head sadly and looked disappointed. “You know what I said would happen if you keep seeing her.”
“I know.”
“And you think I’m kidding?”
“What’s your fucking problem with her, anyway?”
“Her mom tried to fuck my career, Noah. And now you’re trying to fuck her daughter. I’m sick of all your pathetic ‘I hate Daddy’ bullshit. Get your act together, graduate school, and come home.”
I shook my head, disgusted. “Is that what you think this is? You think I’m with her to get back at you?”
He laughed, exasperated. “What else has all this bullshit for the past few years been, Noah? You hate me. I get that. Frankly, I don’t care all that much. Ever since your mother passed away, you’ve been a sullen little cunt, and I’m sick of it.”
That pushed me over the edge. We hadn’t spoken about my mother in years out of some mutual understanding that she was out of bounds. She was the only pure thing left, at least her memory was, and I needed that.
Without thinking, I took a few steps toward him, cocked back my fast, and slugged him across the chin, hard. Pain flashed through my knuckles and up my wrist, but I savored it. I drank the pain in, needing it.
He let out a grunt and took a few wobbly steps back, reaching his hands up to defend himself. I stopped and stared at him, seething.
Slowly he straightened himself up, checking his jaw.
“That was pretty stupid,” he said.
“I’m done. I’m done letting you push me around. I’m done letting you fuck me up.”
He stared at me blankly for a second, and then spoke slowly. “Listen to me, Noah. You are nothing without my money. If I take away your trust, you will be crushed with debt. You have never held a real job, and you have no clue how to get by without me. You will be buried in a few months.”
He took a few steps closer. “Do yourself a favor. Shut your mouth and listen to me for once. I don’t hate you, son. I’ve never hated you. And I can accept it if you hate me. But you will respect me. You will listen to me when I tell you what to do. You wanted to hit me? Fine, you hit me. I hope you feel a little better. But you will come to lunch, and you fucking will stop seeing that girl. Or else your money is gone, and you are fucked. You are good and truly fucked.”
I stared at him, shaking. I couldn’t move and I felt exhausted. He walked up to me and stopped inches away from my face. I could smell his stinking breath and the thick cologne he wore. It hit me in the gut how old he looked. His eyes had bags under them and he looked thin, almost gaunt. I had seen my father recently, but I hadn’t really looked at him in a long time. Standing by my grandfather’s grave, his pissed off eyes in my face, I couldn’t help but pity him, just a little bit.
“You think that’s what she wanted for you? Do you think she wanted you to be a pathetic fucking loser? You’ll fail without me. You know it.” He paused to spit on the ground at my feet. My knees were shaking and I felt like I was about to throw up. Sweat beaded all along my back. “She wanted the world for you, Noah. She knew that my job was the ticket for all of us. She dealt with my long hours and all the bullshit early on, because it would pay off in the long run. And it did pay off. You want to throw away your mother’s sacrifices because you’re some spoiled piece of shit? I don’t think you do.”