“I hope you didn’t think I did this to get my hands on your trust fund. I know all about the millions you’re going to inherit upon your 25th birthday. I’m not asking for anything, but I certainly wasn’t expecting you to be over the moon. Do you think we should tell my father and your mother?” I turned and saw the worried look on his face.
“I’m not ashamed of what we did, but I don’t think people would understand. We should keep the secret between us. I don’t want to give you any kind of reputation and have people looking at us differently in school. People can be cruel when they don’t understand. I think you know I’ve always wanted you, but what you don’t know is that I’ve had feelings that went beyond just the sexual kind.” This was something that made my whole body shiver with excitement.
“I never hated you, Anthony. I was just jealous of all the attention you were giving to those other women. Why would you do that to me when you felt the way that you felt?” I didn’t know what was going on in his head and I certainly couldn’t read it like a cheap novel.
“It’s going to sound really stupid, but I wanted you to hear me with them. I wanted you to be desperate to be with me. I never thought you would take it that far. I was hoping, but I would’ve liked to be a part of it, instead of an empty shell.” He grazed my cheek with his fingertips and I laid my face into the palm of his hand. I closed my eyes and being this close and intimate was not what I was expecting from this conversation.
“Anthony, I don’t feel right about keeping this a secret, but I understand where you’re coming from. I think it’s foolish of us to think we can keep this a secret forever. Eventually, I’m going to begin showing and not even frumpy clothing and loose fitting attire are going to be able to hide that for long. We might have six months, but that is not a foregone conclusion. I’ve no idea how my body is going to react or how big I’m going to get. Are you still going to want me when I am fat?” I lost control and I wept into his arms with him holding me by the small of the back.
“I don’t know if I’m in love with you, but I do have deep feelings that go beyond just friendship. I don’t know what love is. I have no idea if I would even recognize it if it slapped me across the face. I do want to tell you that I will always be there for you. Six months is more than enough time. I just got word the Vikings are looking to sign me to a multiyear contract deal. That team has always been the one that I wanted to play for and this will give us the opportunity to get some distance between us and our parents.
“Nobody will know us in Minnesota and we can begin our life with a family of our own. We’re not related, so there is no stigma, but I don’t think our parents are going to see it that way. We’re just going to have to break it to them when they come to visit. In the meantime, we will make sure to keep this on the down low. This is for our ears only and maybe a doctor. I’m not going to go to my regular Dr. I just have to find some referral and then we can take it from there.
He was holding my hands lovingly and this was not the same ego driven football star with no morals or scruples to speak of. He was showing me real kindness and not dismissing me out of hand. “I don’t know where we go from here, Jessica. We have a plan, but plans are made to be broken. Let’s hope the secret doesn’t get out some other way, until we are ready to tell everybody.
“I know that you can’t say that you’re in love, but I can. I’ve been in love with you for a very long time and I never knew how to tell you without sounding completely around the bend. I shouldn’t have done what I did, but I can’t take it back. You have crippled my heart and I metaphorically bleed any time that you show any other girl any attention. Are you sure that this is what you want? I would hate to wake up several years from now and know that I was not what you wanted.”
“I have this protective need to keep you close. I’m glad you can say the words so easily, but for me it’s more complicated. I’ve seen my mother toss that word around too many times to count and never once did it last. I don’t know if your father is different, but I hope for our case they will be able to make it work.”
“I want you to come along with me and don’t be scared. I’m going to set you free from having to give out your affections freely to anybody that is looking to trap you in some sort of loveless marriage.” He kissed me and this was not the kind that made me feel that he was doing it just because of sex. He really did have this devotion for me and the child. I couldn’t hope for a better result to this bombshell I was laying at his feet.