“What’s wrong, Rowan? Why were you in the hospital?” He questioned her, wiping one that slid down her cheek.
“That’s a story.” She admitted in a trembling voice, shaking her head slowly. “I found out that night that I was pregnant, Deacon. Just over three months.” His eyes widened as she watched him take it in as his hand stilled briefly.
“Do you have someone in your life? A husband or a boyfriend?” Rowan couldn’t tell if he was angry with her or the situation in general, but his sexy eyes were flashing as she reached up to stroke his cheek.
“I'm alone in this, Deacon. There’s so much more that I need to say.”
Rowan began, snuggling against his warmth as she silently wished for him to stay with her. “About four months ago, I was at a bar with some teacher friends just blowing off some steam. I had ordered a drink, running to the bathroom before I stepped outside to the small patio for some fresh air. It was hot and crowded, something that can get on my nerves really fast.” Rowan swallowed as she watched his face harden, feeling his arms hold her tighter. “I remember feeling dizzy out there and stumbling towards the door to find my friends before I fainted, something that was getting stronger by the moment. Everything went black until I came to in the cold air somewhere dark. It was so quiet and scary.” She trembled again as he held her tighter. “I was in the alley behind the club, alone and scared, but I managed to get myself together enough to get back inside. Even if my clothes weren’t ripped, I could feel that something had happened to me.” Tears slipped down her cheeks freely as she spoke, her pain from the memory still fresh in her mind. “I still felt so sick and so violated, but the staff that was cleaning up for the night called the police for me. An ambulance came to take me to the hospital and…it was awful. They determined that I was raped but there wasn’t enough DNA to find the person or group that did it.”
“Fuck.” Deacon said slowly, still as all of his protective mode started to take over.
“They helped me recover from whatever was in my drink…some date rape drug. I forgot the name of it as soon as I could. Physically I was fine and I went home the next morning, since I was too much of a mess to be alone that night. The nurses were so good to be, comforting me and trying to make me laugh. It worked sometimes.” Rowan looked at him. “I’m a strong girl. I talked to someone about it and worked through my feelings so I wouldn’t shut down. I knew that I had to go on.” She shook her head and pressed her lips together. “I knew that I’d been feeling…off, but I assumed that it was just the physical effect of the recovery. I kept trying to exercise more, breathe more. I did everything that I’ve ever been taught to do but I just kept feeling worse. The night at the restaurant, I’d done a long Hot Yoga class and was grabbing dinner before I went home.” She let her eyes widen as she let the memory flood her. “They told me that I was pregnant. I don’t sleep around a lot to begin with, so I knew that the baby was a result of the rape. It was so much to take in but I knew that I couldn’t abort. No matter how this came to be, this baby was mine and deserved love. I was talking to Lisa and I looked up and saw you…it was like being hit by a train. It was everything that I’d read about or seen in movies but it was at the worst fucking time possible.” She started to cry. “I couldn’t believe it when I ran into you at the gym the next day. You looked even better and I knew that what I’d felt was real. Your smile made me weaken and say yes to dinner and I knew that I was going to fall. I couldn’t stop myself but I couldn’t lie to you about any of this either.” She stopped, closing her eyes as she waited for the goodbye. The part where he tells her that he can’t handle all of this. The part where she lost the person that she was certain she was meant to meet when she had a possibility with him.
“I want to kill the mother fuckers that did this to you, Rowan. I want to rip their throats out.” His voice was low and serious enough to make her shiver. “I admire you for going through with this. I know why you are because it’s who you are. It’s your heart.” She heard him sigh and stroke her shoulder. “I can’t just walk away from you, Rowan. It’s going to be hard at moments but I need to see this through.”
“You’re staying with me?” Rowan asked, opening her eyes to look at him.
“I’m a disciplined man, Rowan. My family was in the military…I was a Seal until my world changed three years ago. I have struggled so much with what I was supposed to do since that time.” Deacon stared into her eyes. “The only constants that I have in my life is my brother and my best friend. I haven’t dated anyone seriously since I went into the Navy and that’s what I’m used to. Seeing you at the restaurant and then at the hospital shook my world.” He reached out to stroke her hair again. “I don’t want to lose that feeling. It gives me hope and the way you’re giving this baby life…inspires me. I want to try to bend here and see what I can take.”