“I…don’t know what I did…to deserve you, Felicity. I don’t know what you’re feeling. I want you to tell me what this means to you.” I had a feeling that he was fishing for something, but I wasn’t exactly sure what to say. “If you need me to say it, then I will. You were amazing and being with you was better than some of those hard bodied wannabes. You are honestly not here because of my fame or fortune. Do you know that you were the first one that had ever tried to push me away? I thought that you were joking, but I finally realized that you were serious.”
“I don’t know where you want to go from here. I can’t deny that I have feelings for you, but what I don’t know is what you’re feeling for me. Do you want this to continue and if so, in what way? I don’t want to be that dirty little secret on the side sequestered in some hotel room when you are back in town. I don’t want to be that booty call that you call up in the middle of the night or show up at my doorstep drunk and ready to get it on. I’m not going to tell you what I really want. You really should know that by now.” I didn’t want to be that girl, but he had to know that this was more important to me than just a roll in the hay.
“I like the way that you make me feel, Felicity. I love the light in your eyes and the way that you respond to my touches has me wanting to do it again. I will give you a call sometime.” He never said that he wanted a commitment and maybe he had a phobia from a childhood trauma that prevented him from getting close. I settled in to that sports car and I wasn’t sure that he was going to do anything to warrant taking a chance on him.
Tracy may have had daddy issues, but that was not something that I had to worry about. I found him delicious and it had nothing to do with his notoriety or what kind of payday that he pulled down every single day. This was a simple way to get to know each other.
He dropped me off at my front door, kissing me lightly and then walking away before glancing over his shoulder with a look of bewilderment on his face.
I was tempted to tell him that I didn’t want him to go, but I didn’t feel like I had a leg to stand on to fight for him. We had shared a moment. I promised myself that I wouldn’t succumb, but he was very hard to resist.
I had to stand there for quite some time leaning against the door and wondering where I would go from here. I knew that he held a spot in my heart, but what I didn’t realize was how very painful it was not to have him by my side. I had rushed into something too quickly and I had only myself to blame.
I didn’t even know if I believed in love at first sight, but I was willing to throw that caution into the wind. I was hoping that I would hear from him again, but he was not the type of man to get overly clingy. Guys didn’t know, but 24 hours was long enough to let us know that they cared for us. I was tired of playing these dating games, but this was the way that we went to war against the opposite sex.
It was a couple of days later and I was sitting in front of my doctor and hearing the words, but not quite believing it. “I can’t tell if this is good news or bad news for you, Felicity.” I wasn’t sure what to make of it myself. Knowing it and really understanding what it meant was two different things. “I don’t want you to make any rash decisions without thinking about them very thoughtfully. I have a few brochures to get you started, but then you need to come in for regular checkups.” I walked out into the waiting room in a daze to find Tracy waiting for me.
“Oh my god… What are you going to do?” I didn’t even have to say anything and she already could read what was on my face. “I’ll stand by you in any way that you want me to. I do believe that the father should know, but that is not my place to say. All I can do is hold your hand and let you know that you’re not alone.” Telling my parents was not going to be easy, but then again I really didn’t know what I was going to do.
“Ideally, I would love for him to be here right now on bended knee ready to give me that ring around my finger. Life is not that easy. What I need to do most of all is to find out if he’s the type of man that I want to be in my life. He didn’t say anything, except that he had a great time and that he would be in touch. I’m going to have to do something that all women have done at one time in their life. I never thought that I would be in this position, but my baby deserves somebody that is going to be there for them.” I couldn’t tell Jason, not until I found out what kind of father he would be.
“You can’t know what he’s going to say, until you actually tell him. He might surprise you.” I’m sure that she was trying to be a good friend, but Tracy was not my main concern. I wanted to give this kid the benefit of parents that loved one another. I had to find out if he wanted more than just a one night stand.