Fighting to Breathe(9)

“Are you even going to ask what we need to talk about?” Josie asks.

“No, I know what you want to talk to me about, and like I told Lea last night, I know why she’s here, and I’ll stay out of her way, but she needs to stay out of mine.” I feel like an asshole, but this is how it has to be. There’s no other choice.

“That’s very diplomatic of you,” she says sarcastically, making me grit my teeth.

“The floor is yours Josie.” I sweep my hand out.

“You’re so damn stubborn. You know, you remind me a lot of my Jacob—so ornery, always thinking you know everything,” she says, referring to her late husband, a man I respected and cared deeply for. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, some worse than others, but seeing how God is giving me time to right my wrongs, I’m planning on taking advantage of it and doing just that,” she says, taking a seat in my captain’s chair then looking out the window, into the harbor.

“When I lost Jacob, I may as well have been buried at sea with him. I was drowning in grief and couldn’t find my way to the surface. I have a lot of regrets from that time.” She shakes her head then lowers her voice to almost a whisper, but still doesn’t look at me. “When Lea told me she was thinking of leaving home, I knew it was the right decision for her. I knew I didn’t want her to stay here in this town with you, and risk her suffering the same fate I did. I wouldn’t wish the pain I suffered on my worst enemy, and I definitely wouldn’t wish it on my daughter.”

She sighs, returning her gaze to me. “I knew you loved each other, but I thought your lives would move forward with time and that each of you would move on, but you didn’t. Neither of you were able to settle, and my sweet, beautiful girl married a man who didn’t really love her, because she was searching for something to fill the void of leaving you,” she says, causing a sinking feeling to fill my chest.

“I lied to you both, told each of you the other had moved on. I believed at the time I was doing the right thing—”

“Get out,” I cut her off before she can say anything else.

“Austin.” She says softly as tears fill her eyes.

“No.” I lean forward.

“Get.

Out.

Now.”

I open the door and step out onto the deck, pulling in a lungful of air as rage burns through me.

“I’m not telling you this so you guys get back together,” Josie says, coming to stand in front of me. “I’m telling you this, because my baby doesn’t have many people to lean on, and when I’m gone, she’s going to need good people around who truly care about her, and as much as you may not want to admit it, you still do.” With that parting blow she turns away, and I watch her step off the boat onto the dock then disappear.

“Are you okay, baby?” Anna asks, walking upstairs from the lower deck, where she had been taking a nap. When she told me she was coming into town for the weekend, I figured this visit would be like all the others, but then she started talking about moving here after the summer, and I knew then that along the way, I somehow fucked up, making her believe this is more than it is. I haven’t even touched her since I laid eyes on Lea again.

“I gotta head out.” I move to the wheelhouse, grabbing my keys, slipping them in my front pocket before pulling my hoodie on over my head.

“I’m leaving in an hour,” she reminds me while her eyes track my movements.

“Text me when you get home.” I move past her and stop when her fingers dig into my arm.

“I heard what her mom said, and I’ve heard people in town talking since she came back. She left you, and you’re going after her?”

I watch as she attempts to force tears to come to the surface, but none fill her eyes. Anna doesn’t care about me any more than I care about her, and this moment proves just that. “Anna—”

“No, don’t Anna me. I thought that we had something, that we were building something.”

I don’t want to do this, but I can’t lie, either. I have loved really loved three women in my life: my sister, my mom, and Lea. Since the moment Lea left me, I have been forcing myself to move forward, never really gathering the momentum to do so. How Lea got married to someone else, I don’t fucking know. No one could replace her for me, even if all I was holding onto was a memory.

“You knew what this was Anna,” I sigh, pulling from her grasp.

“You’re such an asshole, Austin!” she screams.

“I know,” I agree, walking to the edge of the boat and stepping onto the dock. I wasn’t going after Lea, not the way Anna believed. I would do as her mom asked. I would try to be her friend, and when the time came for her to leave, I would let her go this time, and get the closure I need to move on with my life.