Going into the bathroom, I shut the door without even turning on the light and slide to the floor, wrapping my arms around my legs and pressing my forehead into my knees as silent tears wrack my body. Breathing in deep, shuddering breaths I try to fill my lungs with enough oxygen that my tears will die down, but nothing seems to be working. There’s a tap on the door, then my body is moving as the light turns on and the door pushes in.
“Shhh.” Austin pulls me into his arms, settling me on his lap as he sits on the floor, making me cry harder.
“I’m sorry,” I get out through the tears clogging my throat.
“Baby, you’re killing me right now.”
“You should be out there with your family,” I sob into his shirt, pulling him closer to me as I realize I don’t have any family. I’m alone, adrift at sea, fighting to breathe, with no one there to rescue me.
“I love you, Lea. I always have and will, even in death. You’re my family, and I’m yours.”
His words pull me to the surface so fast that my heart erupts inside my chest, filling my lungs with oxygen and forcing the darkness that was settling inside of me out. “How can you say you love me after the way I left?”
“Because you came home to me,” he whispers.
I turn my head up and wrap my arms around the back of his neck, pulling his mouth down to mine in a kiss that I pray shows him just how much he means to me, how much I love him. When he pulls his mouth away, he lays his forehead against mine.
“I’m pissed that you waited until now to say that you love me,” he says, reaching over and pulling some toilet paper off the roll, handing it to me.
“Why are you mad?” I ask, confused as I blot my eyes.
“That should have been one of the moments you memorized,” he says, softly rubbing my cheek.
I smile, surprising myself, then lean in and rub my nose along his. “Me saying it isn’t memorable. You saying it back is what I will carry with me.”
“Swear to God, you’re gonna kill me,” he grunts, pulling me closer until I’m straddling him.
Placing my hands on his shoulders, I lower my face until we’re sharing the same breath. Neither of us speak in that moment. I don’t know what he’s thinking or feeling, and I can see that he wants to tell me something, but he doesn’t know how to do it. “What is it?” I whisper, moving my hands to hold his face.
“Nothing, it can wait,” he says smiling, but I notice it doesn’t reach his eyes. Before I can ask him what it is, he kisses me again, standing up and putting me on my feet. Vowing to ask him later I go to the sink and splash some water on my face, thankful I didn’t wear much makeup and my mascara is waterproof. His hands wrap around my waist and his mouth touches my neck as I dry my hands and face. “You don’t have to go back out there. You can go up to the room, or—”
“I’m not hiding,” I say, looking at his reflection in the mirror.
“If you go back out there, know that they will be on their best behavior.”
“Because you’re making them.” I frown. I don’t want them to be nice to me because of him. I want them to just accept my apology and move on.
“Not because of me, because of you. You just gutted everyone at that table.”
“I’m—”
His arms tighten around me, cutting off my apology before it can even leave my mouth. “You’re not going to say you’re sorry about that shit. They should have kept their mouths closed. They should have trusted me enough to know that I know what I’m doing, that I don’t need them cutting in.”
“They love you.” I remind him gently and his eyes go soft.
He shakes his head then kisses my temple. “You ready?”
I nod again and he takes my hand in his, leading me out of the bathroom. Once we reach the dining room, the conversation dies and Shayla gets up from her chair, coming towards me. Her eyes are red and her lips puffy. I can tell she has been crying, and I hate I did that to her.
“I’m so sorry, Lea,” she says, taking my hand.
“It’s okay,” I say automatically.
“It’s not.” More tears form in her eyes, and she shifts back and forth on her feet in front of me awkwardly, like a child who is unsure of what to do. “Can I hug you?” she whispers. I nod and she wraps her arms around me then sobs. I pat her back awkwardly then feel another set of arms wrap around me, and know instantly they are Bre’s, and she’s crying as well.
Surprisingly, I don’t cry during our embrace. I don’t even know the emotions I’m feeling. Then, Austin’s dad moves to us, pulling his wife away, followed by Shawn, who takes Bre into his side. “We’re so sorry, Lea. We didn’t even think about what you must have been feeling back then. We were just so upset by how you left that seeing you now, our emotions got the better of us,” Shayla says, wiping her eyes.