Fighting to Breathe(19)
“We will do everything within our power to make sure she is comfortable.”
“But she’s not, she’s in pain now,” I retort.
“I’m fine,” she cuts in, and my eyes slice into her.
“You’re dying; you’re not fine. Why don’t you see that?”
“I’m still breathing.”
She is…she is still breathing, while I’m fighting for every breath I take. I know she is dying; I know I will need to accept it, but this is too much. Knowing she will be leaving me sooner than later kills me.
“I’m not ready. I need you here with me.” I choke on the tears that are now falling freely. “It’s not fair,” I whisper, closing my eyes, and her arms wrap around me.
“I know it’s not honey.”
I pull away and rest my forehead against hers, much the same way she used to do when I was little, and whisper, “At least take the pills. I hate the idea of you being in pain.”
“I’ll take them if the pain is unbearable.”
“Your pain’s at a seven, Mom.”
“It’s manageable.”
“You’re so stubborn.” I shake my head.
“And you love me.” She smiles, and I can’t help but to give her a watery smile.
“Dr. Rubin.” She pulls away, looking at him. “Do you have any plans for tonight?”
“I don’t,” he replies, looking at her softly.
“Well, you do now.”
“Do I?” He smiles and I feel my body go tight.
“Dinner tonight, and tomorrow, you can turn me into a zombie with the pills.”
“Mom,” I warn.
“Oh, hush,” she says, and Dr. Rubin starts to laugh.
“Are we having dinner at the usual spot?” he asks her, and I frown, because she has never once mentioned him, and ‘the usual spot’ implies they have gone there more than once. There seems to be a lot of stuff my mom has never mentioned, and that thought makes me uneasy, especially when I think about the comment Austin made.
“Yep, how about six?” she suggests.
“That will give me enough time to get done here. I’ll pick you ladies up.”
“Perfect, and tomorrow, we’ll put my plan in place with Rhonda,” Mom says, and she and Dr. Rubin talk for a few more minutes before we leave the hospital. Once we get into the car, I turn it on then turn my head to look at my mom.
“You know there will be nothing between me and Dr. Rubin, right?”
“Of course,” she says, but her eyes twinkle with mischief.
“I’m serious, Mom.”
“I know you are, honey.”
“Good,” I mutter, put the car in drive, and take us home. The whole way there, I’m trying to think of ways to get out of tonight but nothing comes to mind.
*
“Are you ready?” I ask my mom, walking into her room, where she’s lying on the bed.
“I have a headache.”
“How bad is it?” I question, going to her side.
“Not that bad, but I think it’s a migraine.”
“Did you take something?”
“Yes, I took one of my pills; I’m just waiting for it to kick in.” She sighs, covering her eyes, so I walk to the light switch and flip it off.
“Where’s your phone, so I can call Dr. Rubin and cancel?” I ask, using the light from the doorway to see if I can find it.
“Oh no, you two should go,” she mutters, and I take a breath, knowing exactly what this is.
“Mom, I’m not going out with him without you.”
“He doesn’t really know anyone in town, honey. Do it for me.”
I’m going to kill her. My dying mother is going to die of suffocation when I cover her head with a pillow. “Mom,” I hiss, and she rolls to her side and mumbles something I can’t make out, so I start a panic search for her phone, but come up empty-handed. “I’m going to kill you,” I tell her when the doorbell goes off.
“Have fun, honey.”
“You’re lucky you’re dying,” I grumble.
I hear her laugh and say, “I heard that,” as I make my way from her room to the front door.
“Hey,” I greet Dr. Rubin as I open the door.
“Hi.” He smiles softly looking unsure of what to say.
“Mom has a migraine,” I say, trying not to sound like I’m spitting the words out.
“Really?” His face changes and I see concern in his eyes. “Do you mind if I come in and see her for a moment?”
“Of course not.” I step back then lead him into her room. “Mom, Dr. Rubin’s here.”
“Are you okay, Josie?”
“I just have a headache, nothing serious. I told Lea that you guys should go on without me.”