Chapter Seventeen
Jake
Today is supposed to be a happy, joyous day. Today is supposed to be about new beginnings and celebrating love. But today just plain sucks.
I sat in my truck last night on the side of the road as the woman I loved walked away from me. I actually sat there and watched her walk those three blocks in the dark to make sure she got home okay because as much as it hurt to have her rip out my heart last night, the thought of something happening to her on her way home was unbearable.
What the hell happened? One minute I’m talking with Travis in the hallway about someone asking him to join our softball league and the next thing I know, Avery is telling me that Erin left because she didn’t feel good. Something had clearly gone very wrong last night.
She obviously didn’t hear the entire conversation last night in the hallway between Travis and me, but why she would jump to the ridiculous conclusion that I’m only with her to have a little fun for a bit until something better comes along, I have no damn clue. I would never do anything to hurt her. Ever. In fact, I was planning on having a very important conversation with her later this weekend.
Clearly, Erin isn’t the person I thought she was either. She doesn’t trust me and can’t get over what happened twenty years ago. Fine. Whatever. I’m just glad I learned this now instead of when we’re living together, engaged, or worse - married.
Yeah, for the past week, I’d actually considered all those things with Erin. I’ve imagined waking up every morning with her and not just because one of us stayed the night at the other’s place. I want to wake up to her every day. Go to sleep with her every night. Plan things for our future - together. Well, I did. Hell, I still do.
When she accused me of that shit last night, I immediately jumped on the defense and said things right back – things that I didn’t mean. Erin has the warmest heart of anyone I’ve ever met. She’s caring and generous and a damn good person. But, when she threw her past humiliation in my face, it made me realize that we might not actually get past that. And that hurt and scared me at the same time. So, I threw harsh words back at her and made her cry. I did the one thing I never, ever wanted to do. I made the woman I love cry. I really am a douchebag.
After I made sure she got home safely last night, I went back to the restaurant - even though I would have rather have been anywhere else at that moment. I pasted on a big, fake smile and carried on like my life wasn’t just demolished by the woman I love.
I didn’t sleep a wink last night. Maddox slept over in my spare bedroom and tried to talk to me a few times last night about what was bothering me, but the last thing I wanted to do was burden my best friend on the night before his wedding with my own love troubles. So, I kept insisting that I was fine and changing the subject.
This morning, the pot of coffee I just consumed won’t even help. I’m tired and grouchy and really don’t want force fake smiles all damn day. But, I won’t be the guy who ruins his sister’s wedding.
So, as I shave in front of the mirror in the bathroom, I give myself a little mental pep talk to try to help improve my mood. Unfortunately, my mind won’t think of anything or anyone but Erin. The way she laughs. The soft curve of her neck. The way her lips part and her breathing becomes labored when she’s aroused. All things that keep replaying on repeat in my mind like some scene from the movie “Groundhogs Day”.
When I finally head into the kitchen, Maddox is sitting at the table drinking a cup of coffee. He looks rumpled in his t-shirt and lounge pants from sleep, hair in disarray, but he looks refreshed and ready for the day. “Did you sleep at all last night?” he asks.
“Nope.”
“You ready to tell me what the hell is going on?”
“Nope.”
“Obviously, this has something to do with Erin because I’ve never seen you this upset over anyone before.”
“I’m fine. Besides, it’s your wedding day. Let’s talk about happy shit.”
“My wedding day can wait, Jake. We don’t have to be there for hours. Come on, man, talk to me.”
I sigh heavily and take a seat across from Maddox. “She left last night after she overheard a conversation in the hallway between me and Travis. She only heard a very small portion of it, but it was enough to upset her and send her flying off the deep end with accusations.”
“So, why haven’t you set her straight?”
“I tried. She’s assuming the worst about me and believes that I’m only with her to fill time until someone better comes along.”
“Ouch. I’m sure no woman wants to think they hear that; let alone Erin.”