That night I search high and low for my journal. Where could I have put it? My journal is never out of my sight or out of its place on my desk. All night, I search the house for that thing - my most prized possession. Everything is in that journal.
The longer I search the more anxious I become, working myself up to the point of tears. So when it comes time to head to school the next morning, I am worn out and very moody.
As I walk in the front door of school, everyone is looking at me. No, it’s not just a figment of my overactive seventh grade imagination. I mean literally, everyone is looking at me. I try to keep my head down and walk to my locker. When I arrive, my friends Claire and Sarah are waiting for me with worried looks on their faces.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
“Umm, we have a slight problem,” Sarah said in a low voice laced with worry.
“Okay, well you’re starting to freak me out so just tell me.”
Both girls share a look before Claire blurts out, “Jake stole your journal and showed it to everyone at school.”
My entire world tilts on its axis. A buzzing sound starts in my ears as all the voices around me turn to laughter. Everyone is laughing at me. I look into the eyes of my only two friends in the world and know that my life will never be the same. All the things I wrote about my parents, my classmates, my crushes - all out there for everyone to read and know. To judge. The tears start before I even realize they are sliding down my face.
“Don’t cry, Erin. I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think,” Sarah says, even though I’m pretty sure that even she doesn’t believe her own words.
Kids walk around me at that moment dramatically proclaiming things like, “Ohhh, Jake. I love you!” and “My parents just don’t understand me!”
Everyone is laughing and pointing, and I can’t get my feet to work. They feel like they are stuck in wet concrete. I just look around the hallway, at the laughing faces of all my peers, and watch as they humiliate and laugh at me.
Finally, Claire breaks my daze by yelling at those around us. Her words are enough for me to finally snap out of it and be able to move my feet. I take off running, down the hall, and out the front door of the school.
“Erin, wait,” I hear behind me. I know that voice. I’ve dreamed about that voice for months. It’s Jake.
I turn around and face the one person who has managed to crush me into a million pieces. I expect to see him smiling and laughing with the rest of them, but he’s not. He looks worried. Scared. “Where are you going?” he asks, voice laced with concern.
“Does it matter?” I snap. I turn to head towards the street, Jake still standing on the front steps of school.
“Erin! Wait!” I hear him yell as my legs carry me down the road and away from the school. “I’m sorry!”
I completely ignore him and don’t stop running. I don’t turn around to see if he’s following me or if anyone is following me for that matter. I run as far as I can until I can’t run anymore. My legs are numb, my lungs are burning, and my throat tight with emotion. I finally thought I’d found a place. A place where I actually fit in.
As I drop to my knees in the middle of the park, I cry for everything I’m about to lose. My friends. My house. My parents. Because there is no way I can or will stay in this town again. No way will I let people like Jake Stevens ever have this kind of power over me again. It’s time for me to move on.
Chapter One
Jake
Present Day
There’s nothing worse than dressing up to shake hands with town folk just for the sake of being seen. But that’s exactly what I’m doing on this Friday night instead of heading to Jack’s Pub and having a few drinks with my friends. Everyone in town will flock to the Rivers Edge Public Library for the retirement of ol’ Mrs. Masterson.
Mabel Masterson has been the librarian in this town for forty-five years. Her marriage to her first husband didn’t last six years, her second marriage only three years, and her third only a year. But here we are, dressing up to celebrate the only thing to put up with her for forty-five years. She’s finally ready to hang up her reading glasses and step away from the library.
Mrs. Masterson is the stereotypical librarian. A petite little old lady who barely stands five feet tall with dark glasses that hang from a chain around her neck. Grey hair that she wears in the same schoolmarm bun every day. Oh, and she’s grumpy as hell. I’m pretty sure there isn’t a person in Rivers Edge who doesn’t toe the line when she’s around. Why a woman like Mabel ever worked in a public place that deals with kids day in and day out, I’ll never know.